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A Shoulder to Cry on A Friend to be Found
Stand Strong You Are Your Own Woman
18 January 2008 @ 11:29 am
Current Mood: 
amused
amused22 August 2007 @ 08:16 pm
Hello All. I've just joined the community. Basically I've been LDS since I was six and active since I was thirteen. Now that's all changing, but this realisation is all pretty new. A lot of people have described having bad experiences and then leaving or finding out more. I was actually pretty happy at church, but now I feel less and less comfortable. (If you want to read how I came to the realisation that the 'restoration' didn't occur, etc, then it's on my LJ.) For a week or so I just felt sad all the time, but I seem to have moved past that now. I'm still a member and I will be for a while longer. After all these years, I need some time to sort things out and to say goodbye to whatever is eventually going to be left behind.
After I read the information (Book of Abraham, View of the Hebrews) I sent the link to a close friend of mine, telling him that the information was the first 'anti-mormon' thing I had ever read that made logical sense to me or really troubled me (most of it is so vitriolic or obviously out of context that it's pretty easy to dismiss). I asked him to give me his opinion on the information. He simply never wrote back.
What is significant about this is that this is a person I email from work almost every day, about anything and everything. We have exchanged email on other subjects since that one was sent. Over the last decade I have discussed more theories and points of church doctrine with him than with any other person, and I have always valued his objectivity and logic. He sent me (amongst others) an email yesterday about some new pamphlet the church has released. I took the opportunity to comment that I hadn't had a reply to my question and to ask if this was an indication that this was something he didn't want to talk about. So far no reply.
Ironically this has come at a time when I'm starting to really connect with people in my ward after a long settling-in period. It makes me wonder who I'll still be socialising with in six months. If I can't predict the responses of one of my closest friends, then it really isn't possible to guess anything about my near (church) future with any certainty.
#Cross-posted in one other community.#
Current Mood: 
disappointed
disappointed20 July 2007 @ 07:10 am
I'm coming to the conclusion that it's just pretty much impossible to be good friends - in real life - with a Mormon woman when you are not one any longer. It's discouraging and sad for me, because I genuinely like some of these people. But.. the anxiety in the room is palpable.
My biggest pet peeve? When they ask me *why I left the church*. Honestly? Did you really just ask me that?
What are they looking for me to do? Do they want me to try and convince them? Do they want me to throw facts and feelings in their faces, so they can be uncomfortable and stammar and ease out of the conversation and away from me as soon as possible? (cause.. ya know.. in the temple interview it asks whether or not you sympathize with anything anti-Mormon, so they'd better run lest they be cast down for associating with me)
No! They don't want that! Intellectuals are the evol in the church. Do not research anything, evar. Do not listen to people who have. They are empowered by the hand of Satan, himself.
Besides. I do not want to convince them that they are wrong. I believe firmly in the benefits of faith. I wouldn't want to convince someone that the thing they cherish and cling to is false, unless they were open and receptive to that information. Do not make me enter into a debate that a) I will win if we are discounting the "power of your testimony" and going on fact alone, and b) will make you uncomfortable, confused, and hateful towards me. Do not put me in that situation!!
As time goes on, though, I find myself wondering if I truly don't want to convince the people that I love that they are wrong. Sometimes I feel like shaking them and screaming, "YOU'RE BEING DUPED!". But.. like I said. Faith is important. It can be hard to find. And yet... it makes me sad to think of the things I believed, the things I, in turn, believed about my life, and also in turn, the things I believed about myself.
I am better than the church wants me to think that I am. So are the women that I love. I shouldn't think about it. It makes me feel ill.
Must. Move. Out. Of. Utah. Valley.
My biggest pet peeve? When they ask me *why I left the church*. Honestly? Did you really just ask me that?
What are they looking for me to do? Do they want me to try and convince them? Do they want me to throw facts and feelings in their faces, so they can be uncomfortable and stammar and ease out of the conversation and away from me as soon as possible? (cause.. ya know.. in the temple interview it asks whether or not you sympathize with anything anti-Mormon, so they'd better run lest they be cast down for associating with me)
No! They don't want that! Intellectuals are the evol in the church. Do not research anything, evar. Do not listen to people who have. They are empowered by the hand of Satan, himself.
Besides. I do not want to convince them that they are wrong. I believe firmly in the benefits of faith. I wouldn't want to convince someone that the thing they cherish and cling to is false, unless they were open and receptive to that information. Do not make me enter into a debate that a) I will win if we are discounting the "power of your testimony" and going on fact alone, and b) will make you uncomfortable, confused, and hateful towards me. Do not put me in that situation!!
As time goes on, though, I find myself wondering if I truly don't want to convince the people that I love that they are wrong. Sometimes I feel like shaking them and screaming, "YOU'RE BEING DUPED!". But.. like I said. Faith is important. It can be hard to find. And yet... it makes me sad to think of the things I believed, the things I, in turn, believed about my life, and also in turn, the things I believed about myself.
I am better than the church wants me to think that I am. So are the women that I love. I shouldn't think about it. It makes me feel ill.
Must. Move. Out. Of. Utah. Valley.
Current Mood: 
cranky
cranky03 April 2007 @ 12:33 pm
From KUTV in Utah, here is the link: http://kutv.com/topstories/local_story_091182900.html
"Wishing followers safe travels, peace and harmony in their homes, the president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints closed a two-day biannual conference Sunday by reminding the faithful to treat each other with care.
"Husbands, love and treasure your wives. They are your most precious possessions.""
I am so glad i decided not to raise my daughter in this church.
"Wishing followers safe travels, peace and harmony in their homes, the president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints closed a two-day biannual conference Sunday by reminding the faithful to treat each other with care.
"Husbands, love and treasure your wives. They are your most precious possessions.""
I am so glad i decided not to raise my daughter in this church.
21 November 2006 @ 06:03 pm
whenever i read anything about emma smith my heart just bleeds for her.
i can only imagine what it must have been like being married to joseph smith.
i wonder if she was happy that he was shot.
i can only imagine what it must have been like being married to joseph smith.
i wonder if she was happy that he was shot.
Current Mood: sympathetic
sympathetic01 June 2006 @ 02:25 pm
sweetscorpion and I were talking, and I wondered....How many of us were married in the temple? Do you think of that fondly, or does it totally ruin your wedding for you?
I totally hate and resent 99% of my memories from my wedding. HATE. My family were not mormons, so they couldn't come. I asked for a small sealing, and my FIL invited a ton of people wanting to fill up the 40 seats in the sealing room. My family had to wait outside with the children. I was supposed to have a mini ring ceramony at the reception and everyone knew it, but my inlaws pressured us to exchange rings in the sealing room instead. We did, and then took them off and re exchanged them at the ceramony (lame). I totally let everyone push me around.
We are planning a vow renewal of sorts on our 5th aniversary this year. We found the cutest chapel: http://www.freeweddingchapel.com/content.asp?id=1 near where we live. I'm excited to have some sort of ceramony that is about US. Where I can have EVERYONE who loves us and wants to be there. I'm sure my inlaws will make up an excuse not to come, but whatever.
Tell me about your wedding.
21 May 2006 @ 02:29 pm
Today I was experiencing one of my odd and periodic pangs of wishing that I still believed and still belonged. I don't know why these happen, they just do sometimes and I came to the conclusion that being in the Mormon church is like being in the Matrix.
Mormons have their own reality that is fed to them by the powers that be who leech power and money off the faithful.
This reality is so seperate from the real world and the actual truths of the church that once you are out and know the truth you can never go back in. The two worlds are just too far apart.
I find this thought oddly comforting. It's nice to know that what I know now is real and not some flaky ideal created for me by some old paternalist patriarchs far divorced from the real life that I and others lead. It's my life and I have control.
It's thoughts like this that get me through my weird days where I almost feel like I want to belong again.
Cross posted to my lj (witherwings) and 
exmormon
Mormons have their own reality that is fed to them by the powers that be who leech power and money off the faithful.
This reality is so seperate from the real world and the actual truths of the church that once you are out and know the truth you can never go back in. The two worlds are just too far apart.
I find this thought oddly comforting. It's nice to know that what I know now is real and not some flaky ideal created for me by some old paternalist patriarchs far divorced from the real life that I and others lead. It's my life and I have control.
It's thoughts like this that get me through my weird days where I almost feel like I want to belong again.
Cross posted to my lj (
witherwings) and exmormonCurrent Mood: amused
amusedCurrent Music: "The Trial of the King Killers"
Current Location: CT2
21 May 2006 @ 07:06 am
My father in law is a stake president. We live near them, and see them about every week. Last night we went over for my SIL's birthday party.
There were some people from the ward there, and the husband was talking to my FIL, basically telling him how great and spiritual being in the same room wtih him felt, and FIL was bragging about having met almost all of the 'apostles' and the 'prophet'. The guy was sitting there eating it up.
It gave me such a dirty feeling. This man and his wife, they were obviously very gullible. Neither of them had a lot of money, a lot of social charisma. You could tell that they were the kids no one would sit with in high school, who didn't dress quiet right, or fit in. I don't say any of that to be a snob, but to point out that they were very vunerable to the mormon trap. They needed a group of that made them feel special and powerful and like they belong. Mormonism provides that, especially to new or inactive members that they try to bring into the fold. Oh you are a child of god! You can have the PRIESTHOOD! You are GOLDEN!
Not to mention the power trip my FIL was on. Telling his stories about what the prophet said to him, who he introduced them to, ect. You would have thought it was christ himself. Where is the humilty in that? So much self importance and posturing. He told the story of how he set up the sound ssystem for hinkleys visit, and then hinkley complained about the system. I thought, what a jerk gordon must be. Here was a lowly member in Texas and all you had to say to him was that he didn't do the job well enough. But everyone else in the room was oooohhhing and ahhhhhing over the prophet.
IDK where I'm going with all of this, other than to say that it just makes me feel ill, the way they prey on the weak, the hero worship, the obvious cult likeness of it all. I felt so sorry for that couple. When the newness wears off they will be back where they started, just another drone, with 10% less income each year, and no time to spend with each other. :(
There were some people from the ward there, and the husband was talking to my FIL, basically telling him how great and spiritual being in the same room wtih him felt, and FIL was bragging about having met almost all of the 'apostles' and the 'prophet'. The guy was sitting there eating it up.
It gave me such a dirty feeling. This man and his wife, they were obviously very gullible. Neither of them had a lot of money, a lot of social charisma. You could tell that they were the kids no one would sit with in high school, who didn't dress quiet right, or fit in. I don't say any of that to be a snob, but to point out that they were very vunerable to the mormon trap. They needed a group of that made them feel special and powerful and like they belong. Mormonism provides that, especially to new or inactive members that they try to bring into the fold. Oh you are a child of god! You can have the PRIESTHOOD! You are GOLDEN!
Not to mention the power trip my FIL was on. Telling his stories about what the prophet said to him, who he introduced them to, ect. You would have thought it was christ himself. Where is the humilty in that? So much self importance and posturing. He told the story of how he set up the sound ssystem for hinkleys visit, and then hinkley complained about the system. I thought, what a jerk gordon must be. Here was a lowly member in Texas and all you had to say to him was that he didn't do the job well enough. But everyone else in the room was oooohhhing and ahhhhhing over the prophet.
IDK where I'm going with all of this, other than to say that it just makes me feel ill, the way they prey on the weak, the hero worship, the obvious cult likeness of it all. I felt so sorry for that couple. When the newness wears off they will be back where they started, just another drone, with 10% less income each year, and no time to spend with each other. :(
26 March 2006 @ 03:01 pm
Hello, everyone.
My name is Anna. I'm an eighteen year old high school senior at a small school in a small town in Illinois. I like painting, chemistry, photography, and reading, and I intend to end up doing something with science. I'm going to a community college next year because my family's a bit lacking in the money department as it stands.
I am the sixth of nine children in a ridiculously huge and ridiculously Mormon family. My three oldest sisters are Margaret (30), Eliza (28), and Kathleen (24), and they're all married to nice Mormon men and are planning on having lots of nice Mormon babies. My two older brothers, Eric and Evan, are 20 year old twins. I then have three younger brothers, Caleb (15), Nicholas (13), and Kyle (12). What on earth would ever posess someone to have that many children, I'm not entirely sure. My mother, Sarah-Jane, is the very archetype of Typical Sweet Mormon Housewife, and my father, Joseph, is the very epitome of the Good Hard-Working Mormon Father and Husband. All of my siblings are rather devout model Mormon children.
It's rather disgusting. It wouldn't comprise most of my introduction were it not for the fact that it sort of takes over my life.
Since I don't believe it anymore, I am technically no longer Mormon, I suppose. This livejournal is not for my friends at school and in my daily life because nobody around here knows that I think the whole thing is a hoax. Ever since the most recent research came out about the Native American tribes NOT being descended from the Middle East, I've analyzed everything and come to the conclusion that Mormonism is, as far as I'm concerned, not only a hoax but a terribly limiting way for me to live.
I love all my Mormon friends. They're wonderful people and I've grown up with them, they're like family. But the church just isn't for me. And it kills me that these friends will probably be devastated and try to reconvert me, or else abandon me completely. My family is disgustingly stereotypical and entrenched in Mormonism, but they're great people aside from that. And I feel like I'm going to lose almost everyone important to me if I abandon the church, but I can't live a lie either.
I hope some of you know where I'm coming from? Sorry this is so long...
My name is Anna. I'm an eighteen year old high school senior at a small school in a small town in Illinois. I like painting, chemistry, photography, and reading, and I intend to end up doing something with science. I'm going to a community college next year because my family's a bit lacking in the money department as it stands.
I am the sixth of nine children in a ridiculously huge and ridiculously Mormon family. My three oldest sisters are Margaret (30), Eliza (28), and Kathleen (24), and they're all married to nice Mormon men and are planning on having lots of nice Mormon babies. My two older brothers, Eric and Evan, are 20 year old twins. I then have three younger brothers, Caleb (15), Nicholas (13), and Kyle (12). What on earth would ever posess someone to have that many children, I'm not entirely sure. My mother, Sarah-Jane, is the very archetype of Typical Sweet Mormon Housewife, and my father, Joseph, is the very epitome of the Good Hard-Working Mormon Father and Husband. All of my siblings are rather devout model Mormon children.
It's rather disgusting. It wouldn't comprise most of my introduction were it not for the fact that it sort of takes over my life.
Since I don't believe it anymore, I am technically no longer Mormon, I suppose. This livejournal is not for my friends at school and in my daily life because nobody around here knows that I think the whole thing is a hoax. Ever since the most recent research came out about the Native American tribes NOT being descended from the Middle East, I've analyzed everything and come to the conclusion that Mormonism is, as far as I'm concerned, not only a hoax but a terribly limiting way for me to live.
I love all my Mormon friends. They're wonderful people and I've grown up with them, they're like family. But the church just isn't for me. And it kills me that these friends will probably be devastated and try to reconvert me, or else abandon me completely. My family is disgustingly stereotypical and entrenched in Mormonism, but they're great people aside from that. And I feel like I'm going to lose almost everyone important to me if I abandon the church, but I can't live a lie either.
I hope some of you know where I'm coming from? Sorry this is so long...
Current Mood: 
distressed
distressedCurrent Music: Light My Candle - Rent Soundtrack
