| love, sister, its just a kiss away |
[28 Jan 2007|11:07pm] |
alot of this can be attributed to the fact that im comin out of a 2 year relationship, i recognise that fact before i even start writtin this.
but, ive lost faith in people. i mean everyone. it has never been more clear to me in my life that you can never really know anyone, an youd be lucky to get away with knowing yourself. Before i get to the whole "ex" part of this rant there is some other, more important shit to be addressed first. someone ive known all my life, someone i know will be apart of my life till i die, is changein into someone i dont like. i know hes easyly influanced, but i dodnt think he was so stupid. i wont lie i introduced him to it, an for that i know im partly to blame for this but this is beyond anyone. he is doing these things soley to impress other people, not because he wants to, but because he thinks its what they want him to do. i never thought he could be so stupid, how does he think that doing a drug he didnt even know what it was, was goin to impress anyone. hes makin a fool of himself an i cant change that, i dont know how to change it. he needs to learn the hard way, but im afraid he will learn it all to hard an all to soon.
then someone else i thought i knew showed a differant side to himself, now i know that when it comes to women, all men innately just want what they want, it doesnt matter if they where married to your brother, women have a trick of makin u do things u never thought u would do. he didnt even think about what he was doin, i mean i can see how it could be funny but i felt betrayed. an it will be a while till i can trust him fully again.
but here, heres the big one. everyday for 2 years i talked to this woman, for 2 years she was all i had or all i needed, i could say anything to her, complete and utter trust. things i didnt even trust myself with id day to her. i thought i knew everything there was to know about her, her good points an her bad points, how good she could be an, when she wanted to, how harsh she could be. but i never thought she would resort to embaresing not only me but herself. i know alot of this entry ahs been very vague but its more for my own head than anything else, but this part is gettin spelt out as clear as day.
she took photos of my band, the neon stars by the way were good an all check us out haha, an when she was doin them it was her who asked if she could do them, said i would be doing her a favour because she needed pictures for her pretentious little art project. so she toke them an gave us all the pictures in the hope that we would use them, which we did, becasue as much as i cant stand her right now she is a talented ass photographer. then we broke up, why we broke up was coming for a while, what she said to me after an how she has acted ever since was not. i had my first gig ever last friday, a baptism of fire it was, which i wanted to go as smoothly as possible for the sheer fact i was shittin myself. i asked her not to go, because i did not that sort of atmosphere there. she made up some bullshit about takin pictures for another band there, which she was only doin because she got her friend to get the band to let her do the pictures so she could go because i told her i didnt want her to. she turned up anyway an sat directly across from where i was sitting. constantly checking what i was doing. i ignored her, for the simple fact that the only reason she was there was to get to me.
after we had finished and i was sittin down havin a bit of banter as is they way the lead singer of my band comes up an says that laura walked up to him and said that she wanted money off us because we where usein her pictures on out posters an that she was legally intitled to it. now, not only did we not use her picture on the poster the promoter did, not only was there no contract between us an her as a band an photographer, not only did she use our image and pictures without our consent in her college, but she found it nessecary to bring all this up, not with me, but with a person whos trust and respect im still tryin to earn as a cheap an petty way of gettin to me. He said we should handle it professionally between band an phtographer an if she wanted money we would just give it to her an that would be the end of it.
now ive tryed to figure this out. i know she was hurt from us splitting but i tryed best i could to keep things civil between us. but she has shown a side to herself which shows me that if theres one person ud be lucky to trust and know in life, its yourself.
an right now i dont know who i am.
thurlow ure hero for turnin up by the way man, u might think it was nothin but u didnt have to turn up an ya did in contrast to the people who shoulda been there an wherent.
feckin hero ya.
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contemplative