This is the personal journal of Terry.

I do not seperate a fandom journal from a personal journal- anything and everything is tossed right into this one.

I talk about celebrities a lot. And movies, and tv. When I post about my personal life, I am very honest.

I post a lot about



I also talk a helluva lot about cosplay:



because I cosplay. And I spend most of my year saving up money to do such, as making the costumes is my #1 hobby... besides movies and the internet. I also act and put a lot of work into the Rocky Horror-style stage shows of the Whedon track at DragonCon. (Once More With Feeling, and Dr. Horrible.)

Everything in the following picture is fantastic:



I think ghosts are awesome, and David Copperfield is really magic, and that every time it snows, it's a Christmas miracle!

I love bad movies (The Crow, Wicked Prayer), bad tv (Passions, Degrassi), and bad books that were made into bad movies (Twilight.) I also enjoy well-written things with great characterization and great actors. (anything Joss Whedon, Venture Bros.)

Oh, and I love cartoons. Everything from Looney Tunes to Fairly Oddparents to Adult Swim stuff.

I like posting gifs.



If you have a problem with any of this, you can kindly go about your business.

Get some money pls!!!!

It's taken forever to get through training at work. I've been living off a four day paycheck on top of a major overdraft for two weeks. Give. Me. Money.

How am I gonna pay back all my bills if time is actually stretching on forever.

I seriously do not know how Monica Gellar can have Ross in her friends group.

My brother just tried to claim I was super mean to my deaf sister for trying. To make her say words right.

Waaaiiiittttt he's so mean all the time

So Kesha is suing Dr Luke for sexual and emotional abuse. I'm so depressed after reading the documents.

Basically, I'm becoming the dreaded man-hating feminist. Which is a stereotype that I am just starting to realize is because if you pay attention to feminist issues, it's really hard to keep up hope.

I've already been living in a desert of a love life. My best guy friend has exhibited enough upperclass male privilege to depress me and invalidate me when I try to talk to him about these things.

I'm also beginning to realize why feminist bisexuals might choose women over men. Because at the end of the day, I just want someone to, at the very least, believe me when I say this is all a real problem, that is not beyond my life. It affects me, and who I am, every day.

Maybe if I were a stronger person, it wouldn't affect me so much and I'd be able to have hope for the world at large, and for the men I might encounter in life. But I'm so run-down right now. I've been defeated, I've been beaten back, people around me have given up on life, and I just can't go through one day without feeling like I'm being devalued or judged based on my gender.

Then I start to feel paranoid that I'm being "over-sensitive" and that it's not as big a deal as race issues that I don't have to deal with and shit.

But I guess I'm seriously having a crisis with who I am, what being me, and a woman, means, and exactly how angry I am about it all. Because being angry about it is viewed as "irrational" and basically shuts down open dialogue with men.

For a moment, let's relate this to cosplay. In trying to choose a new cosplay for next year, I am rapidly cycling between costumes I will feel pretty/beautiful/sexy in, costumes that make me feel tough, and costumes that entirely mask who I am and make me appear to be male. And the last one is most enticing, because everything else seems to have so much "has to" tied up in it. So much expectation. You simply cannot find a female character that isn't entirely entangled with her female-ness. Male characters get to have that neutrality- he is a cop, a vigilante, a superhero, etc. Women are a hot vigilante, a tough cop, a sexy superhero, etc. Sometimes they are fantastic characters, but usually because of or in spite of their double X chromosomes. It simply never does not come into play as a major aspect of their "personality."

Anyway, bringing it back to my lady Kesha- reading reports of her being emotionally, physically, verbally and sexually abused by a man with power and influence made me sick. If someone who appears as outspoken and confident as Kesha was really hiding secrets about being drugged and raped, and throwing up silently in ziplock bags, then I don't know if any of us are truly immune.

And if any of us can defy it all and still have hope for the "good ones," I'm still skeptical that I'll be that person. I'm not gonna change the world, and I'm not gonna find the guy that I can lay my head on and talk to about this stuff and have him actually believe how much of a problem it is. Every day. In my own head, and everywhere else.

I miss you, livejournal. I'm gonna work on a comeback here. Becoming super disenchanted with facebook and I post things there that should be here, and more fleshed out.

Plus, I quit my therapy and owe her a ton of money so I'm not going back there... and therapy is expensive, yo! And the whole "getting to know you" stage is so like pulling teeth. WHY DON'T YOU INSTANTLY GET ME BEFORE YOU GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS.

Also, Azure is moving to Atlanta like, this week, and I didn't really know. Like, he went there with his girlfriend to look for a place after DragonCon and then I heard from Brian that he found a place... and this week I randomly saw a post of his where he put in his two weeks notice. CLICKED his profile and for some reason, I didn't see like 10 posts specifically about him quitting, cleaning out his apartment, and moving this week.

Like, not mad at Azure, but just kinda OUTRAGED at facebook and everyone being its slave. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU MOVE OUT OF TOWN - or is it? Because he assumes it's a platform and everyone knew, but I didn't, so I feel slighted, but I'm not. Or am I?

LIKE. Call your friend. (I'm assuming he thought anyone that was wanted to hang out with him would see his posts, know he was leaving, and try to see him. Didn't happen that way.)

So it was kind of a nail in the coffin kind of thing. Trying to figure out a way to deal with my facebook fallout while still having a podcast and keeping friends. I've rage quit before and I feel so alone and cut off, especially from the convention/nerd scene.

Thinking of saving all my pictures and taking the majority of them down... then making my info my phone number and telling people to text or call me if they want to chat. Let people tag me in pictures and stuff still... go on periodically to save them and then delete them.

I'd like to stress that I'd still like people to contact me instead of coming across as an angry hermit.

SEE I NEEDED A FULL LJ POST TO EXPRESS ALL MY FEELINGS

<3 u LJ

Today after work was so randomly awesome. I got home and wasn't hungry right away, so I sat with Coop on the back porch for a while. Then I spotted my mini blow dryer in a box out there, so I went inside and ended up cleaning my bathroom. Then I went and got my laundry in my creepy basement. Then I did the dishes. Then I made dinner, watched tv, and decided to go to bed before midnight hit. So I got up and brushed my teeth and did just that.

I mean, I guess I just realized that I can actually do chores for myself because I want to, not because I have to. Because everything looks nice now in half of my rooms. I can't wait til this weekend, when I finally organize my sewing and craft stuff.

And walking to the bar yesterday was just superb. I can't wait to walk to Canal Fest and stuff.