|
|
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
| |
9:44 pm - marching shoes
|
|
hey guys, i know i dont really update in this one anymore, but i still have my marching shoes from last year. if any of you know somebody who needs shoes that arent necissarilly new, like a soph. or senior or something, mine werent really well-worn out last year cuz i didnt march on the field. they're men size:7, womens size: 9. and i obviously dont have a use for them anymore. its probly a little late since shoes are probably already ordered by now, but yeah..if somewhere down the line somebody needs new shoes or somebody didnt order them, i have a pair, as does pretty much everybody else who quit this year.
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, June 28th, 2005
| |
10:49 pm
|
|
another day, another breakdown..i had another one today. where the fuck are they coming from? i have no idea. i donno. i just remembered that i cried for what seemed like forever. then i feel asleep around 7, and then the phone rang around 10, so i got up. but i just remember that i was so upset and i felt like a worthless piece of shit. i felt like i was stupid and that i didnt deserve to be living. i donno..this is weird. the last time i had breakdown on top of breakdown like this was when i was really depressed like a little over a year ago. but this doesnt make sense..not now :-/
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, June 25th, 2005
| |
12:20 pm
|
im having a fucking breakdown. i dont remember the last time i had a breakdown like this. i fucking hate it, and i fucking hate myself. i feel so fucking stupid. i feel like a cow and like i shouldnt even exist. i feel like i should just drown myself in a bottle. i had an awesome day yesterday, but today just turned to shit. i was gonna go to a party with fisch and his family, but my mom said no, and then she said yes and i tried to call him back, but then he wouldnt answer the damn phone, and its been like an hour since i tried to call him and ive been crying for about 40 minutes probably, ever since my mom and my brother left. and now theyre on their way back, and im so upset and i feel like i should just die. and ive been rambling, and its not like anybody reads this or gives a shit anyways.
current mood:  depressed
|
|
(4 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, June 20th, 2005
| |
10:56 pm
|
|
| Sunday, June 19th, 2005
| |
6:59 pm
|
i suck, i dont update at all anymore..but i got my whole virtual school thing going. im taking chemistry and spanish 2, i just have to do the welcome call on thursday and ill be able to start. so thats exciting. im almost done with my community service hours. then i'll have all that and get the 100% bright futures scholarship just as long as i keep my gpa above 3.5. i dont think thats a problem. and oh my god, i want to go to chicago for art school. that would be so awesome...but who knows. i donno..i probably wont get to go to sarah lawrence, its like $45000 a year. like with textbooks and stuff. but thats A LOT of money. and i gotta go cuz i think dinner's ready, so ill update more later.
current mood:  complacent
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
| |
8:02 pm
|
|
yeah, my computers busted, so i havent been able to get online at all lately. but these past couple weeks have been just so emotionally draining and i could bitch about things forever, but im not going to..but yesterday was my birthday! so that excites me and i get my license tomorrow. but we still have exams, so that sucks...mrs. estepp's exam was soooo hard...i had to stay after school to finish it..i mean, its not like i needed a half hour or something, but i couldnt finish it in the block we had..i bet most of the other people in the class christmas treed it. there'll be a curve for sure though. oh well..i gotta go i guess...
|
|
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, May 23rd, 2005
| |
6:40 pm
|
|
holy fucking cow! i havent been able to update in what seems like forever. but its not like much has been going on in my world i guess...or that i wish to share, but yeah..i dont know. my life is boring and any issues im facing right now i'd rather not broadcast them..
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, April 21st, 2005
| |
8:32 pm
|
|
holy shit! we got otto! i can't hardly believe it. it was soooo awesome. i dont have much time to write, so i guess i cant go in to detail, but i was just so ecstatic! so yeah, just had to document it lol ill write more later
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
| |
7:24 am
|
|
yeah im just kinda waiting for my sister to get ready, i should go now or she'll blame me for 'making her late' even though she wont be late. whatever...but yeah..i hope today is better than yesterday during practice! yesterday was horrible. so yeah, ill post later.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, April 16th, 2005
| |
10:20 pm
|
this past week has been kinda interesting..recap..lol monday i had drivers ed, so that day was kinda messed up. tuesday was okay, but fisch started getting sick that day. he was out of school wednesday and thursday, so those days were lonely. i started to get sick on thursday. he had a stomach virus, mine was like a cold that gave me a migraine, i felt like i was swallowing razors, and a stuffy nose. all but the stuffy nose has gone away. but on thursday, even though he wasnt at school, he came to practice, so that brightened my day lol then yesterday was pretty good. umm..after school, liz and i went to sonic, we ordered slushies and a popcorn chicken. vaughn came out to our car like 3 times lol. it was funny cuz we didnt know it was happy hour, so when we ordered our slushies, the price looked wrong, so she ordered another, so we ended up with 3 route 44 slushies lol and then we ordered the chicken. we split that. then we went to the san felasco hammocks. we walked like 8.5 miles, it was great. we had a good time. then we came back to my house and i played a song on my violin for her cuz she wanted me to, she seemed to like it lol. then today fisch and i went to the movies. we saw robots lol it was hilarious. then we went back to his house and just kinda chilled for the rest of the day. i bout got me and my dad killed on the way home..we were driving, and there was a car coming. he told me to turn my brights off, well i got confused and went to the knob and turned it, so all of the lights went out. i was so confused cuz when i got in the driver's seat, the lights were out, so i turned them to automatic and the brights were already on, so i was a little confused, and so when he told me to turn my brights off, i went to the last thing i turned on, go figure...luckily i didnt like run of the road or into the other car..oh my god..we were like freaking out, but not so bad that we got killed lol. then we went to hardees so my dad could get some dinner, then we went home..that about covers this last week...
current mood: happy
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Sunday, April 10th, 2005
| |
10:15 pm
|
okay, back from spring break...well, actually i got back yesterday, but i didnt feel like updating, so yeah. i about went crazy over the trip, it was so stressful, i just wanted to come home. im not gonna go into it, but yeah. aside from everything else, i was going crazy cuz i didnt get to see fisch for over a week. but i saw him today, we just kinda hung out at his house. i finally got to relax, so im happy. thats all i really wanna write right now, but yeah..
current mood:  hungry
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, March 26th, 2005
| |
3:59 pm
|
yeah today fuckin sucks...we went to the mall this morning. one would think that that would be awesome, right? uh..not so much. me, my sister, and my mom got into it soooo bad today..not really in the mall, but more like in the car. we got bitched out, and then i didnt get to go to fisch's house, which pisses me off. i cried..today was horrible. im not gonna go into the details of everything thats pissing me off. hopefully ill still be able to go tomorrow...but you know, with how my parents have been lately, im just waiting for them to tell me i can never see him again. it seems like all they wanna do is piss me off and make me cry...i really dont wanna do the fucking easter service tomorrow..i dont care. im so sick and tired of church on sunday mornings...it just pisses me off. because i always get into a fight with someone the day before or the morning of. i just wish all this shit would go away..i dont wanna do this anymore. and i wish i could drive. then i wouldnt be so restricted...
current mood:  pissed off
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Friday, March 25th, 2005
| |
8:24 pm
|
well..today wasnt so horrible i guess. practice yesterday went pretty well also. i had like 4 tests today..that sucked, but whatever. im soooo tired. i stayed after school today to practice with maureen. yeah..we had fun..maureen? kevin? lol we worked on Gallito the whole time. it was good. umm..i managed 3 meals today with something in-between lunch and dinner! yay for me! tomorrow im hoping to go to fisch's house. and sunday...i have to be at church at like 5:30am to set up for the sunrise Easter service...yuck! but umm..yeah. i have a solo on flute for offeratory. i figured out what i was play today. im gonna play Aria from 'Orfeo ed Euridice' by Christoph Willibald Gluck. its really pretty. and if they're not done by the time the song ends, i can just play through until the bottom of the page, cuz there a D.C. and the places where it says D.C. and Fine both sound like ends, so it wont matter where i end, just as long as its in one of those two places. they were just like..christina! do offeratory. i was like..okay..ill throw something together i guess?...lol and then after the service..which i dont even know when it officially starts..(its supposed to be outside, but my mom says its supposed to rain all weekend..) im going to fisch's for this easter get together his family is having with some people. mrs. fischer said she was putting together and easter basket for me too. that made me smile lol but theres supposed to be this like...extreme big kid easter egg hunt lol mr. fischer and bob are hiding the eggs i think, and they'll hide em good...they'll be ruthless if ive learned anything about them by now.....lol but yeah. im bout done i guess..
current mood: mellow
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
| |
10:47 pm
|
ahh..umm..i made up my geom test this morning and my english test after school..both of em sucked. oh and i also made up a drivers ed test today...that one wasnt SOOO bad..i got to use my study guide. then we got rear ended on the way home. there was no damage to our car or theirs, so we just decided to pretty much say 'no harm, no foul'...it was just more of an unexpected thing that happened than anything. then i went to church..that was interesting. i felt so self-conscious, but then not so much. i mean..there were a couple guys who were like hitting on me pretty bad. im not gonna say any names, but yeah..so i felt self-conscious, just because thats i guess how you feel when stuff like that comes up, but then not so much, cuz i know im taken..the only thing that kinda gets to me is that they knew that i was goin out with somebody. i donno. but umm..yeah. then i came home, took a shower, talked to fisch for awhile, and then i did my 'daily must-do'. basically its like a exercise routine i guess..just to strengthen muscles. my stomach muscles are burning right now..ive neglected working out lately cuz so much has been going on..its been so long since ive gone to the gym. but i think im done now...i feel so..not really here. like physically more than emotionally. i sort of felt like i was numb..not completely, but i had my laptop on my lap (duh..lol) and the weight just didnt feel the same as it normally does. it felt lighter, and my legs felt kinda numb..i donno...its weird. oh well..
current mood:  blank
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
| |
8:40 pm
|
|
first day back in school in a week...i gotta say, i missed it..as weird as that sounds...me actually miss school? wow...lol practice wasnt completely horrible either. i actually missed that too. im almost finished with my usher drawing...ill be gettin paid soon! lol i donno if im too satisfied with it, but everybody else in my art class really likes it and mr. link said it was really good. i just need to get rid of the white 'dots' in the parts that are supposed to be pitch black and i need to erase the background and maybe do some touch-ups on the jeans and the face, and thatll be it. im so excited. i guess thats about it...
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, March 21st, 2005
| |
8:14 pm
|
wow..indy for a week. i loved it, but i hated it, and im glad to be home. i always love going to indiana to visit family, but these circumstances were horrible. i really didnt want to go to the funeral. i cried so hard...it took me so long at the viewing to touch her hand..and when i did, the tears just flowed out of my eyes. she was so cold. i was standing there, touching this lifeless body..and i couldnt take it. im glad i went, but at the same time, i wish i hadnt. drew's walking now! he's having some problems, but hey..hes only 1. hes awesome. we went to the mall on saturday. i got a new purse, a wallet, a belly button ring with blue hearts on it, and i spent my bath and body works gift card on body cream and shower gel. im so tired. airports arent fun :-/ i got most of the makeup work before i left, so i dont have a million things to do now, which is good, but its gonna be so hard getting back into things..oh well..shit happens, you just gotta deal with it...
current mood:  tired
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Thursday, March 10th, 2005
| |
5:42 pm
|
i think i just need a major venting session...i have had such a horrible last 2 weeks...what with stresses in school like tests and stuff, then band, then problems at home, and problems within myself...being at home depresses me..i cant stand it anymore. then in myself..i have just started to feel numb again. i cant feel much of anything emotionally really. like, ill get impulses of emotion every now and then, but nothing lasts. then ill cry for what seems like no reason. ive gained like 5 pounds in a week..which also depresses me. most people would encourage me to gain more, but whatever, i dont listen. it just makes me want to lose 10 more. my dad has been so weird lately. well, what really pissed me off today, is the fact that hes not letting me go to fisch's house this weekend. i mean, for one..i really like being at his house, you know? it makes me feel so comfortable cuz thats just the way the house makes you feel. second, this weekend is like the 4 month mark for us, and thats what we wanted to do. and third, i HATE being at my house and i hate bringing people to the house. being here depresses the hell out of me. it makes me into such a horrible and moody person. i ask him why i cant go, and he turns it around with asking why he cant come here..i mean, i dont know...i just wish it would just be easy. i mean, its just one day of the weekend, and either him or me is making it into a huge deal. its probably me. everything's always my fault, right? whatever, i dont care anymore. this is just the last straw from combustion. i have been crying like all afternoon, i cant take this anymore. why do things have to be so god damn complicated? this is one of those times where i feel like im crying for no reason. but in all truth, its probably because of all of the stress ive had from the past couple of weeks catching up with me, and SOMETHING had to be the trigger. and now i have a huge headache...i dont even understand why im trying to explain all this shit, cuz i feel like i would never be able to completely explain how i feel....
current mood: crushed
|
|
(5 comments | comment on this)
|
| Sunday, March 6th, 2005
| |
2:30 pm
|
wow...cameron..if you really want me that bad, why havent you said something? lol
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, March 5th, 2005
| |
1:05 am
|
oh my gosh..i have been SOOOO hungry for the past 2 days. but since we got *sTrAiGhT sUpErIoRs* i treated myself to mcdonald's on the way home..horrible, i know, but its not like i had a big mac or anything..*tries to look innocent even though she knows shes not* anyways..i am soo excited. we're goin to state. but the past 2 weeks in band have been so horribly stressful. i have NO idea where that performance came from. i mean..that was the BEST we have EVER played that stupid music. anyways..apparantly we're not going out of town this weekend. this was decided..this morning. i heard about this..about an hour and a half ago. but fisch gave me permission to wake him up in the morning so we can see if we can do something. but i am really really tired, so i think im gonna go..yeah im about to fall asleep.
current mood: sleepy
|
|
(13 comments | comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
| |
9:04 pm
|
wow..a whole week since i last updated. i donno, not much has been going on, and what has, i havent really wanted to write about it i guess. i havent really felt like doing much lately. whatever..today and last night were kinda depressing. our concert sucked so bad..and we were lectured a lot today. but we deserved it. anyways, desiree is payin me to do a pencil drawing of usher, right? lol well i went in the art room this morning and i used the projector and then in 2nd period i started with the shading. i showed link what i had done during class, and hes really happy with it so far. he thinks itll look better than the picture she gave me to go off of. im excited. i really like it so far. its a good thing though, because ALL of the people i have drawn or done pastels of so far or whatever have been female. all of them. so itll be good to broaden that. umm..yeah. i was so excited after practice though. my dad got my car detailed, washed and waxed..oh my god, that made me so happy lol. umm..fisch has had to go to the doctor lately cuz of something having to do with chest pains and pain in his arm or something..:-/ he went to the doctor again today and they have wires like all over him. basically, its supposed to monitor his heart rate for 24 hrs or something and whenever he feels pain, hes supposed to push a button that will document the time and his heart rate at the time of pain. they're hoping to use this to rule out any heart abnormalities..he says hes not worried about it, and i know theres nothing i can do, but i cant help but worry and freak out...but yeah, i should go...im kinda tired and i got stuff to do..
current mood:  blah
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
