| [ |
mood |
| |
nostalgic |
] |
I had a random thought the other day, so I'm going to follow it along here.
I don't know if it was like this for you...but I'll assume some things are universal.
I was the sort of kid who thought all my teachers were awesome by default. Because...they were teachers. They taught school, and read us books, and so they had to be smart, good, wow-ish people. I never really had a teacher in elementary school that I didn't like, at least, not one I would admit to not liking at the time. I do remember, however, a fabricated animosity between my best friend of third grade and I and a playground supervisor.
I don't know how much of our hatred was justified and how much we assumed and made up from our predetermined idea of her. It was our Cause for at least a month. We had lots of Causes, so they must not have lasted as long as they seem in my memory, in order to fit them all into the span of one school year. In this case, we took notes on this woman - her name was Ginger - and chronicled all the things she did that were, in our eyes, evil. We spied on her and traded gossip and stories if one of us was absent. It was our goal to passively defy her.
It probably gave us some sense of danger, of rebelliousness, two smart, teacher's-pet little girls waging a secret war against the playground supervisor, and all her inane rules. Many of which probably had a purpose - and many of which probably didn't.
I'm still that little girl. I still feel like we are the ones playing on the playground, living in a vast world of unlimited games and fantasies and playacting. For some reason, I view us that way. The little children running around on the playground, fighting and loving and hating, waging war and forming alliances and clubs and starting fads. We're still dancing around the playground supervisors, the adults, who just don't get it and never will. They try to set up rules, but they don't understand that we're better off on our own, that we can survive it, that we're okay and there's nothing wrong with having a little fun.
Our playground is our board. The administrators are the Evil Playground Supervisors. I realized I've never outgrown this mentality.
And it's so strange, and somewhat of a betrayal, to watch children running around a playground and having to be the adult, an outsider not involved in their secret world, and one whom they probably view at times as intent on squashing it.
|