catness: (kirito)
Sehr geehrter Herr Grindelwald-sensei,

it has come to my attention that one of my Dark Arts grimoires is woefully antiquated. The sorcerers of Mordor and Niflheim recently came up with a suite of new, much more potent spells, which are meant to supplant an important part of my worn-out grimoire. Such is the fate of a wizard in our volatile world that the moment you think you've mastered all the magic you'll ever need, the wheels of fate turn, and you're again a wide-eyed apprentice, with a bokken for a katana.

I realize that it may look like procrastination, and an unreasonable setback for our plan, but I find it necessary and essential to bring my skills up to date with this recent development. (In fact, so recent that it's not taught in Durmstrang classrooms yet, but instead, inscribed on the rings in plain Black Speech like our elders used to write.) I believe that the time spent on decyphering the infernal hexes will be well spent, especially that we can still afford to create the new rituals from the ground up, so we can reap all the benefits without wasting a single blood sacrifice.

Thus I commence my detour to the lands of ice and fire with optimism and diligence, in faith that you'll be hearing good news from me very soon, so mote it be.


Mit freundlichen Grüßen
Neko-chan von Lestrange bin Melkor of the Iron Islands

What is dead may never die
catness: (shovel)
Other people:

- work hard to climb the career ladder
- study, exercise & diet
- diversify investments
- buy real estate, cars, designer clothes, brand accessories & cosmetics
- go to conferences and exhibitions to interact with other successful professionals

Me:

- trawls the neighbourhood to take all the Pokémon Go gyms and Draconius Go arenas
- gets drunk and stumbles around the dark forest* at night, looking for Mother of Dragons
- plays several games simultaneously
- buys virtual coins for bag upgrades, lucky eggs, incubators and raid passes
- goes to raids and lure parties to interact with other crazy nerds

* The DraGo map displayed a road there, but it was more of a goat path, narrow and steep. The actual location was at the edge of a ravine. In hindsight, if I took a wrong step, probably no one would find the body for days... But Mother of Dragons + ethanol = unbeatable!
catness: (catfishbowl)
There was a competition in laziness, but I couldn't bother to come.

There was a competition in self-doubt, but I wasn't sure I could enter.

There was a competition in envy, but I never had any chance against all these rich, lucky bastards with perfect lives.

There was a competition in stupidity, but I didn't understand the rules.

There was a competition in tardiness, but I was too late for the opening.

There was a competition in hate, but all these f*cking jerks and assholes seriously pissed me off.

(That's what had happened at the competition in rudeness, too.)

There was a competition in egotism, but of course it was all about me.

There was a competition in inebriation, but I was totally trashhsI&*@&#^*O!&lfuckitall&(^@#%(&!1!!

There was a competition in sleep, but I couldn't wake up for it.

There was a competition in miserliness, but the entry fee of 1¢ was outrageously high.

There was a competition in insanity, but I got lost among the robot unicorns and my shadow doppelgangers.

There will be a competition in procrastination, next Sunday, maybe.


catness: (cat_black)
A short bio of my Hunger Games Adventures (a FB game) character for "We Are Panem" contest.


My name is Catriona Claudia, Cat for short. I was born in District 2, but due to certain circumstances I'm not allowed to mention here, my family had to move to District 12. I will never forgive them for it.

I've been fascinated with the Hunger Games ever since childhood. As a District 12 kid, I would've hardly had a chance as a tribute - while my peers in District 2 received the best training in the Academy, I was stuck with school and hunting. But as I grew up, I realized that playing a game is not nearly as exciting as creating it.

I got the ambition to become a Gamemaker. Controlling the arena, inventing challenges that keep millions of citizens all over Panem glued to the screens, being praised, respected and feared, possessing the power over life and death - what could be more inspiring than that?

Of course, there was no way I could achieve it in District 12. So, with a little help from my friends, I obtained a fake ID and run away to the Capitol. The luck was on my side - I made a couple of useful acquaintances who lead me to meet Seneca Crane himself! Not only I was invited to the Control Center, but got to participate first-hand in the preparation of the next Hunger Games!

I know this is just a start... Seneca didn't exactly hire me as an assistant, even though he was impressed with my abilities and gave me a lot of compliments. I still have a lot to learn. But so far so good!


It didn't occur to me to invest more efforts into it - now I see that some players wrote long and incredibly detailed stories. Most follow the regular angle (poor girls/boys, rebels, underdogs), only one is on the "dark side" (( part 1 spoiler )).

What's funny - naturally, all the facts in my story are fake (except for a few in-game scenes, if they can be called "real"), but all the feelings are true. It's kind of taking a feeling from one context and planting it into another, completely unrelated, context. The perks of writing as self-expression! :) On the other hand, one should be able to portray characters that are substantially different from the author's inner demons...
catness: (wordcount)
Meta was shaking all over. Her face turned pasty pale, providing a stark contrast with blue circles appearing around her deeply-set eyes of matching color, and angry red spots glowing on her cheekbones. She staggered a few steps on her long trembling legs and heavily crashed on the sofa, raising a cloud of dust accumulated in the olive-green velvet cover.

"What is it you're trying to do?" asked Alt, raising his eyebrows in the universal gesture of sarcasm.

"Damn if I know," said Meta, carefully avoiding dialogue tags. "I really want to get a hang of this show-don't-tell thing, but I don't understand crap about body language. Does it look more like fear or surprise to you?"

"It looks like you're a pathetic overacting clown. Why don't you just tell them what you're supposed to feel, and be done with it?"

"Nah, where's the challenge in that? Let them guess. If writing is hard, reading should be harder! And it makes for such a sense of accomplishment when the book is finished."

Alt shrugged, visually spelling "whatever". "I don't think anybody cares for hard work when they just want to read a story."

But Meta wasn't listening. She dived under the sofa, extracted a thick tome with two words starting with "emo" and "dic" visible on the cover, and started to leaf through the pages. Her face morphed, changing shapes and colors as her eyes followed the descriptions. "I'll parse you, human emotions!" she hissed through clenched teeth.

"Dialogue tags," said Alt impassively.

"Ly-adverbs," retorted Meta. "Just shut up and let me concentrate. I almost got it. Raised eyebrows, tensed lower eyelids, lips stretched horizontally."

"This is going to be so much fun. Not." Alt propped his feet on the coffee table, lit a politically incorrect cigarette and prepared to get bored out of his wits.
catness: (gotcha)
I just invented a one-question Tarot personality test: which item, to you, is most associated with sex?

1)a wand
2)a sword
3)a cup
4)a coin
5)everything, dammit!
6)I don't even know what is this sex you're talking about, you insensitive clod!

Unfortunately, I've no idea how to interpret the results. Except that whatever you answer, you're most likely a psychopath and a freak.
catness: (panic)
They descended into the labyrinth of underground caves. "You do realize of course that the chance of finding anything under such conditions is zero?"

"Not at all if the author provides the clues."

"You can't rely on her, she had already completed her quota and couldn't care less if we are lost forever or dead."

"From what I've heard, she has a deal with the AI, and it's forcing her to finish the story - if not now, then later, within one year of Terran time."

"That would be Earth time there. Wait... the AI, in the real world? is everything that bad?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Then we are doomed."

"On the contrary. It needs us."

"As a food source, basically."

"It's just a matter of terminology. We're all interconnected and feed on each other. But you can call it mutual support."

"It's called symbiosis."

"Something like that, yes. Reality works both ways."

"This mess does not deserve to be called reality."

"In the absence of anything more reasonable, might just as well call it reality and try to make the best out of it."

"All right. Hopefully the author is reading this."

"The author is writing this! You guys crack me up."
catness: (gothdoll2)
Since my previous post about "Se7en", still thinking of the idea to have a serial killer murdering people in the style of various operating systems... ;)

Windows 95: shoot the victim with a pistol
Windows XP: shoot the victim with a machine gun
Windows Vista: bludgeon the victim on his head with a machine gun
Windows 7: shoot the victim with a bazooka

OSX: cut beautiful scarrification tattoos on victim's body with a razor and drown him in a jacuzzi full of champagne while soft music is playing on the background

MSDOS: don't bother, the victim has been dead for years

Linux: dismember the victim with a chainsaw, messy but effective
... Gentoo Linux: ...slowly and painfully over a period of several days
... Debian Linux: ...with an old-fashioned mechanical chainsaw, takes more effort but it's reliable and won't explode on you
... Ubuntu Linux: ...with a modern state-of-art chainsaw with dozens of addons
... Kubuntu Linux: ...with a glossy Hello Kitty chainsaw which might not even start
... SuSE Linux: ...with a professional high-quality chainsaw which costs extra, although there are free versions which may be glitchy
... Linux From Scratch: ...with a primitive chainsaw assembled at home part by part
... Slackware: ...with a Swiss Army knife

FreeBSD: torch the victim with a flamethrower (but one wrong move, and you are toast yourself)

Google Chrome OS: launch the victim into space and kill him remotely by exploding his spaceship
catness: (alleycat)
(Stolen from bash.org.ru)

From a conversation with a designer about non-standard fonts:

Just imagine that you're running through a tunnel about 20 meters wide, and behind you, crawling with the same speed, there's some tentacled thingamajig escaped from hentai! and then you see there's a barrier across the tunnel, in a form of a phrase, and you can climb through it but the monster, because of its size, can't. You happily run to the barrier, jump between the characters... AND CRASH INTO THE TEXTURE! The monster grabs you and does to you everything which can be imagined by a crazy pervert! And you know why?! Because the fucking font is non-standard! And the designer had to insert an image instead of the text! And if you had used some stupid Tahoma, you would've squeezed between the letters.
catness: (kittengrass)
Blood was squirting out of the wound, just like jam squirts out of a cookie when you accidentally squeeze it too hard, only unlike jam it was not sweet and thick but rather salty and liquid, unless it's a really lousy jam, in which case it doesn't matter if you over-squeeze the cookie, as you can just throw it out and forget about it right away, which is a definite advantage of a cookie over a wound in your chest.


This 750words.com thing is really fun ;)
catness: (gothdoll2)
"A creepy abandoned house - check. A mysterious stranger with a fashion sense of a Dark Lord and a penchant for carnage - check. Screams coming from inside a secret tunnel - check. Now, the common sense would dictate getting the hell out of this place." He got up from the corpse and wiped the bloody knife on its cloak. "But since when I had listened to common sense?"
catness: (panic)
(stolen from bash)

- Damn, where is justice in this f*cking world? Where's at least logic? Motherf*cker! who had programmed this f*cking game and why do I have to play it?
- God... probably. Or he had just designed it...
- Hm... if so, God was most likely a customer; and his programmer was Lucifer, and that's what he was banished to Hell for.
- That's an idea!
catness: (gotcha)
Stolen from Dorothy Rowe (book:"Time On Our Side"), who had stolen it from The Guardian - a list of expressions used by the British press in the course of of one week. Had seen it before, but still, can't stop giggling. (That's why I hate taboos. I think it's ok to take sides; and it's also ok to describe yourself in terms of the other side. There's no difference anyway ;)

We haveThey have
Army, Navy, Air ForceA war machine
Reporting guidelinesCensorship
Press briefingsPropaganda
WeThey
Take outDestroy
SuppressDestroy
EliminateKill
NeutraliseKill
DecapitateKill
Dig inCower in their foxholes
We launchThey launch
First strikesSneak missile attacks
Pre-emptivelyWithout provocation
Our men are...Their men are...
BoysTroops
LadsHordes
ProfessionalBrainwashed
Lion-heartsPaper tigers
CautiousCowardly
ConfidentDesperate
HeroesCornered
Dare-devilsCannon fodder
Young knights of the skiesBastards of Baghdad
LoyalBlindly obedient
Desert ratsMad dogs
ResoluteRuthless
BraveFanatical
Our missiles cause...Their missiles cause...
Collateral damageCivilian casualties
George Bush is...Saddam Hussein is...
At peace with himselfDemented
ResoluteDefiant
StatesmanlikeAn evil tyrant
AssuredA crackpot monster

funny

Apr. 22nd, 2010 01:01 pm
catness: (matrix)
Found on bash:
xxx: Installed an utility, it creates 4 virtual desktops in XP. So convenient...
yyy: If only there were 4 virtual brains in the head - that would be convenient.
xxx: Well, there's a patch like that too. Called schizophrenia. But impossible to uninstall.


(I think it's called MPD ;) When the other personalities do not front, it's more like, um, expansion cards? :) Oh and most of Linux window managers include the virtual desktops functionality by default. Isn't it stupid that Windoze requires a special utility for it!)

stuff

Apr. 8th, 2010 01:53 pm
catness: (coffee)
- Poking at DW protocol, to add the rest of the friend functions. Making something from scratch is always easier than dealing with a huge, living and breathing system created by somebody else, which you understand only vaguely - but it's so rewarding when you find the right place to hack it, and succeed to make it do what you want. Kind of like playing these puzzle/exploration adventure games (like Myst) but those are often quite boring, compared to the real thing. I think medical science would be just as fun, if only resurrecting a human after a botched surgery were as easy as rolling back a failed software patch.

- [personal profile] zimena pointed me to the direction of the multi-fandom Real Person Fiction Big Bang challenge (on LJ). Of course, it would be crazy to commit to yet another project, and completing (and posting!) a single 15K story is scary - but if I succeed, it would be the first one of such length, which should be encouraging, and externally imposed deadlines are always motivating. The other writing challenges either do not enforce the quality (e.g. NaNoWriMo), or the length (e.g. WriYe), and somehow I never manage to combine both ;)

It's especially inspiring that the rules allow AUs and crossovers. Right now I'm contemplating a Saw-like setup (kind of more surreal), which could work well with one of my old plot bunnies. Oh and it's allowed to start in advance, as long as it doesn't include any previously posted material. (Of course, knowing me, I'll probably postpone it till the last minute anyway ;)

Thinking, thinking...

- Bought a few more Tarot decks (yes, I know, I'm addicted ;) but need to have a better look at them before posting anything about them. Maybe it shouldn't be so difficult to write that 15K story, now that I know Tarot are so useful for generating ideas?

- And finally, a funny bash quote, which is too long for Twitter or FB.


$ sudo mount none /world -t worldfs -o light,darkness,umask=066
$ sudo mount none /world/terrain -t earthfs -o watersupport
$ sudo mount none /world/terrain/reservoirs -t waterfs
$ sudo mount /world/organic /world/terrain/flora -o umask=133,plants
$ sudo mount /world/organic /world/terrain/fauna -o umask=022,animals
$ sudo mount /world/organic /world/human -o umask=022,human
$ sudo chown -R god:human /world
$ sudo /world/bin/startx
$ exit
catness: (coffee)
Found a new fun site dailyshame.co.uk through my Rammstein RSS feed - the article "Rammstein fans angry over 'credit crunch' concert".

[quote]Many fans were hoping to see Till set on fire, but were disappointed when he proceeded to play the band's latest hit single "Health und Safety ist toll" (Health and Safety is smashing), a 10-minute industrial metal magnum opus dedicated to those who have suffered accidents in the workplace. The song's lyrics, when translated, read: "watch that cup of coffee, you might get scalded, watch that trailing wire, you might trip and hurt yourself, watch that plug point, you might burn burn burn burn burn burn burn."[/quote] LMAO!!! brilliant! XD
catness: (matrix)
(stolen from bash)

Do you, XXX, promise to be the User of Windows 7 in good times and in bad, in the Internet and offline, and send the application crash reports to Microsoft? - Yes

Do you, Windows 7, promise to faithfully serve your Legitimate User, not to ask stupid questions like your predecessors, and protect the computer - your home and hearth? - Yes

May Bill Gates save you from the blue screen, may your Internet be smooth and fast. By this, I announce you User and Windows, now you may login...
catness: (catwoman)
Stolen from bash.org.ru, author unknown

400 Bad Request - date without flowers
401 Unauthorized - married
402 Payment required - candlelight dinner
403 Forbidden - I don't want to hear from you anymore!
404 Not Found - today I'm meeting my girl friends
405 Method Not Allowed - oh no, not from behind...
406 Method Not Acceptable - I can't stand oral sex!
407 Proxy Auth. Required - I have to ask my mother
408 Request Timeout - do you know how long it's been since you called?
409 Conflict - and who's that blonde who was with you yesterday?
410 Document Removed - I want a divorce!
411 Length Required - and THIS is what you call long?
412 Precondition Failed - What?? you don't have a condom?
413 Request Entity Too Large - oh, it is SO big!
415 Unsupported Media Type - nah, with four people it's not interesting
500 Internal Server Error - period
501 Not Implemented - hmmm, I've never tried it this way...
502 Bad Gateway - ... ewww, salty!
503 Service Unavailable - sorry, my head is exploding
504 Gateway Timeout - what, is that all?!!!

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