innocentsmith: emperor claudius looks up from reading and goes "whoa" (i claudius: claudius goes whoa)
New winner for most terrifying first message I've received on a dating site! In its entirety:

are you an organ donor


...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! *deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
innocentsmith: Text: "I think I am correct in assuming this situation calls for ALLCAPS" (ALL CAPS REQUIRED)
So, reading a fic, a longish rom-com modern AU set in a small town named (I notice, around 3000 words in) the same thing as the city where I grew up. Huh.

Oh well, it's a common town name. And I'm reasonably sure it's not supposed to be my town, because I assume this is set on the East Coast and the weather seems different and it doesn't particularly feel like my t...

Wait. Okay. About 10,000 words in and someone just got advised to go to a specific hotel, which is my city's most famous landmark. Well. That's a bit weird, but I suppose there could be another hotel with that name, so...

They're visiting my old university and the library I worked in during undergrad. They're going to my old department of that library and taking a tour of the collection I used to work in, like I used to shelve there and I can specifically remember what that specific section with that specific author looked like and...and you guys have seriously chosen this moment and this particular setting to give in to the UST and start making out hot and heavy?! I. I don't. WHERE IS THE LIBRARIAN, dammit, and where are all the student workers, and seriously you guys those books are rare and in some cases the only extant copies and I don't care how hot you two are, if you damage carefully-preserved zines from 1937 by bumping and grinding against them I am going to call up my old boss and tell her what you're getting up to back there and she will come and punch you both in the throat.

Viscerally scared to go on now, since the next chapter will probably include them sucking each other off in the backroom of a certain Ren Faire-giftshop downtown or making sweet love on top of the drumcases in my high school band room or something.

...I guess that's one way of getting thrown out of the story enough to stop reading and start doing chores.
innocentsmith: Hobbes looking puzzled. (calvin&hobbes: hobbes headscratch)
So, like several other vaguely-hipster hyper-girly online stores I browse at, Modcloth.com has a habit of using literary and cultural references in their product descriptions. Often this is very effective marketing: it's fun, it creates interesting names, and it gives you something to say in the description besides, "This is pretty!" If people get the reference then they feel smart and clued-in, and the more fond the customer is of the book/movie/whatever in question, the more of an subconscious incentive they have to buy this product which really may be only tenuously connected to the actual thing they like. (God knows I've acquired more than a couple scents from BPAL due to this awesome-by-association sales strategy.)

Occasionally, though, you get things like this, which just made me snort half a glass of zinfandel:

The Black Cat Dress: You'll be as victorious as Poe's cunning black cat - when it comes to style, that is - in this stunner of a frock.


o_O

In case you didn't spend your early adolescence unhealthily obsessed with Edgar Allan Poe, the plot of The Black Cat concerns a violently abusive alcoholic who mutilates his pet, then goes after it with an axe, kills his wife instead, and then entombs her inside the wall of his house.

You'll be fashionable from beyond the grave! ...IDEK.
innocentsmith: a lion, a lamppost, and a winged man in a conservative coat stand on a bridge under an orange sky (Default)
I was flipping through my copy of Poems of Robert Herrick, looking for some good 17th century making out for [livejournal.com profile] zabira's weekly (and awesome) Monday Kisses post. And I happened upon a poem which had somehow (heaven knows how) escaped my notice before.

It's tentacle pr0n. My hand to God, poetry written circa 1648 which would not look at all out of date as the plot in something scanned and uploaded to a hentai website. Check it.

( The Vine )

You know, it's probably just as well that I didn't go into teaching English. Because I'd really have trouble not assigning this as a reading, just to see if my students were awake.

*has no icon appropriate for this post* *deploys vastly inappropriate one*

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innocentsmith: a lion, a lamppost, and a winged man in a conservative coat stand on a bridge under an orange sky (Default)
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