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*cross posted from a note/blog on Facebook*

This is a tale of two trolls. It has some back story *several parts to the story actually* (and perhaps it's best that you actually read the backstory..so you understand it better..or can then understand the big picture).

**Note: This tale is very personal, and I literally poured my heart out onto Wordpad, and for my "subscribers" to read. Held nothing back... but, I figured (since several have asked me about my unease about the approaching weekend) that it would be easier to, once again, "put it all out there".

The most recent chapter of the Tale of Two Trolls appeared on my MySpace blog about two weeks ago..so I suppose I will begin with that.

*insert squiggly lines for flashback sequence number one*

Date: Sunday, September 28, 2008

Subject: This is my town...
Current mood: nauseated

Congrats to WVU on beating Marshall this past Saturday in the Friends of Coal bowl. This was the first game, so far, this season that I watched periodically. The first game I was on my way to St. Paul. The next one, I was home but busy getting ready to leave 4 days later to head to NYC. The third game I was riding the two Amtrak trains back home from NYC. The next game was a Thursday and I was busy doing other things.

To be honest, I'm not really sure how many games this season I'll watch. Don't get me wrong...I will always be a Mountaineer fan. It's the only football I ever really care to watch. It's just...WVU football brings back memories from last season..memories of my first two football games at Mountaineer field *when I wasn't working in the Press Box*...and memories of the biggest Mountaineer fan I've ever known... I would just really love to forget about all that...

Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to WVU Homecoming weekend on Oct. 11th. The thought of Tony and Susan coming into my town makes me feel all sorts of mixed emotions...none of them good. I kindof wish I was going out of town that weekend, so that I wouldn't have to even breathe the same air as them...

I'm sorry, the guy broke my heart, and that bitch helped him. Why can't they just stay in Jacksonville?

This is my town, damnit. I was born here. I grew up here. I went to school in Morgantown, WV from kindergarden at Second Ward Elementary, to junior high at South Jr. High, to high school at Morgantown High, to college at West Virginia University. West Virginia is my home, this is my town.

Tony grew up in New Jersey and only lived in Morgantown, WV nine months out of every year he went to WVU. Susan is from Chicago, and other than her connection to Tony has no connection to WVU or Morgantown, WV. You don't see me being a "cold hearted bitch" by going to Jacksonville, FL.

I'm not looking forward to this at all...:(

~Erica Nicole

****************************************************

Now, some back story... it all "officially" started last year, at WVU's Homecoming. (Note: I posted these from my Original MySpace, into my second MySpace accounts blog so I would be able to access them easier. My REAL MySpace has about 2000 blog entries...so the date of posting on these two entries is wrong.**

**insert squiggly lines for flashback sequence number two**

WVU Homecoming 2007
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=351641908&blogID=366104614

**insert squiggly lines for flashback sequence number three**

Weekend review and then some...
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=351641908&blogID=366103977

After that entry, or "recap", I attempted to remain friends with Tony..or tried to rather. And then...well...

**insert squiggly lines for flashback sequence number four**

The T-dawg saga continues....
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=351641908&blogID=366102704

He has since completely deleted me from his life entirely, almost as if I never existed in the first place. Him and Susan have become engaged. (We *Tony and I* have a mutual friend, this is how I know about all of this).

This whole thing really hit me hard, and as I had explained to some people, this past year was a REALLY hard year for me. I lost a lot of my own sense of self-worth..I couldn't understand how I lost out to someone like her. I mean..for him to do that, to completely discard me like that..what did that say about me as a person? It wasn't until recently that I actually started to change the question to "what does that say about him that he would do that? What kind of people does that make them?" Oh well, Karma will not be kind..and that offers some comfort.

I'm sorry. You give someone an ultimatum like that, YOU should be the one to lose out. I mean, who pulls that kind of stunt?

I am however, extremely grateful to all the new friends I have made (Greenbrier 2007 crew, RonVoy people, 2008 Now or Never people, Pittsburgh Ron Paul meetup people, and several others *my friends in Florida that I've known since my CP in 2005, whom will ALWAYS be important to me*)..who without you guys..I don't know where I'd be right now. <3 If things had turned out any differently, I wouldn't know most of you. I wouldn't have spent Christmas on tour at the Greenbrier. I wouldn't have become active in the Ron Paul Revolution, I wouldn't know about or be active with We Are Change or the 9/11 Truth movement..:( With the exception of my friends from Disney tagged in this note (Ray, Brandon, Sean and Andre)..I wouldn't know any of you... **They are some of the individuals tagged in this note, and this is the MAIN reason for the tags**

So there you have it. Hopefully, you understand a little bit better as to why I'm not looking forward to this weekend (WVU Homecoming) at all. Apparently, they will arrive in town sometime tomorrow and will be here until Sunday afternoon. The thought of even POSSIBLY running into them makes me physically ill.

I know that was a lot to read. Hopefully, it wasn't too painful. <3

With love,
<3
Erica Nicole


A Tale of Two Trolls (A Love Story)...
*Susan and Tony*

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The line has been drawn..which side are you on?

( Read more...Collapse )

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X-posted from yesterday's MySpace blog. If you are in Morgantown, WV right now..it might be worth your while to read this. :)

Who wants to be my +1?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!( Read more...Collapse )

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Just because I'm taking a MySpace break, doesn't mean I have to disengage from everything. :)

Ok, this is going to be a public post..cause it's just way too ridiculous and amusing.

Check out this video, I seriously almost died laughing.


And..this was kinda cute. Most of you will probably get the reference.



~Liv

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I've got almost all the seasons of Aqua Teen Hungerforce on DVD now. That show is so funny. I adore Meatwad. Shake's so mean to him...

Here's two of my favorite episodes from Season 1.

Interfection




Revenge of the Moonities



I love Meatwad..hehehe Meatwad music video




A clip from ATHF



Movie trailer



and..this drawing was just too damn cute.

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Livejournal has decided to be tempermental the past few days, so this is a back dated entry from my MySpace blog. **Note: I update my MySpace blog more than I do this one, simply because the people who read and/or subscribe to my MySpace blog are more immediate in my life than those on LJ anymore.

Liv


Since I last left you, quite a few things have happened..let's see...

Wednesday and Thursday's were my days off last week. Tuesday night/Wednesday morning I believe I got a total of 3 1/2 hours of sleep. I was up till 2:30am talking to someone online and on the phone *intermitently* and then woke up around 6am and couldn't get back to sleep. I got ready and then went to Walmart to get my hair cut (no one noticed by the way..I didn't really expect anyone to), and to pick up a Christmas gift for my best friend, Roberto. When I got home and put stuff away, I got ahold of my significant other, Brandon. We decided to kick around EPCOT for the day. We went to Future World and to the Cool down/Coca-Cola station and tried various types of Coke that are found around the world. I instantly had flashbacks to spending Spring Break in Atlanta, Georgia with my then fiance, Mike (we toured the Coca-Cola factory and they had the same tasting station there). After trying the drinks, we went to ride on Body Wars, which is only open for the holiday season. I had never ridden that ride before, and Brandon was super excited because the set up is almost exactly like Star Tour over at MGM Studios (which is where he works). After that, we went to the Living Seas and he introduced my to cuddlefish..they are so cool! Seriously, they are almost like a cross between an octopus and a fish, and they change colors depending on their mood! How awesome is that?! Then we went to eat dinner at the Coral Reef. After that, we came back to my place and crashed..I was beat. Then Kendall and Kasi came home and I talked with them in the living room, and Brandon got bored.

On Thursday I worked out for 3 hours, cleaned up and consolodated stuff in my apartment and then wrapped Roberto's present. I caught the 4:45 bus to MGM and waited outside with the present (since it was wrapped I couldn't take it through security). I gave it to Roberto and he asked me what I was doing that night, I told him I didn't have any plans but that I had to hand off two DVDs to Ray (he was doing Spectacle of Lights that night)..so Roberto asked me to go to Tree Lighting at EPCOT with him. I said I would, so I ran into the Toy Box, saw Will..he gave me a bit of a hard time (as usual) about my 'many boyfriends', especially Ray and Roberto. Then I passed the DVDs off and ran out to meet up with Roberto. Tree Lighting was pretty cool. Then he gave me a ride home, and I got online for a bit. Everyone else (College Program wise was going to Pleasure Island that night..but I had made plans to watch the movie I had recently bought with Brandon. The unrated widescreen edition of The Exorcism of Emily Rose (I had seen it months before on a date with Augusto).

My Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was spent working at MGM Studios with my 'family' at the Hat/GMR. Other than work, I didn't really do anything special. Christmas was just another day this year... Oh, but I did have two people *Richard and Rachel* hand me a handmade button/pin and tell me that they appreciated everything that the cast members do and they know that we get grief from guests and whatnot, but that we do a great job. I talked to them for a long time and both of them said, 'And judging by the looks of you, we figure you are probably very close to some of the princesses here at Disney (meaning they thought I was a face character).' Sadly, no...not yet. But I do get that often, from many..many people.

One day, I can't remember which day it was..I was at the Hat (as usual) and Johnathan came up to visit. He tapped me on the shoulder while I was with the Lilo/Stitch and Chip/Dale line and I turned around and gave him a big hug. 'I saw your beautiful face and I had to stop by and say hi.' *blush* I love it when people come to visit me at work. It breaks up the day and puts a smile on my face. I was introduced to his little boy, he was shy though... That same day I was driving Mulan in parade and as we were headed from Crossroads to the Step down gate (you can hear the audience really good there cause the BGM for parade isn't loud at that zone) and this guy is standing there filming with his family around him. As I drive past him, he yells up to Mulan, 'Is she actually old enough to be driving you?!' I looked at him, my jaw dropped...everyone (even myself) started laughing (I was laughing more out of disbelief than anything else). I don't know what the legal driving age is here..but back home you can get a permit at 15, and your lisence at 16. I'm freakin' 25...not 14. Now that's become an inside joke between Kevin and I.

The next day at driver meeting, they were talking about the safety stuff, like how we are supposed to yell 'Vehicle moving' before we step on the gas..hehehe, Jim looks at me and says, 'Erica girl, you're good to go on that.' Then I turned bright red and everyone laughed. Back story, I'm loud..hehehehe which shocks the hell out of some people.

In other news, we had a fist fight break out on parade route the other day. Not sure exactly what happened...

Last night after work Roberto and I went to Magic Kingdom to see our friend Chris Hampton in Celebrate the Season. Then we met up with Brandon at EPCOT to watch 'Illuminations'. They've added to it for the holidays..it's one of my favorite fireworks displays..it's beautiful.

Everyone is getting ready to leave, and I can't help but feel somewhat sad... Goodbyes are always hard, and I've really grown attached to some of my fellow CP cast members...I can't imagine what it will be like working here knowing I'll never see them again or work with them for that matter.. The other day in driver meeting, Kelly and Angela were doing the parade ditty that they made up and Will told them they needed to practice it and then record it and leave it behind when they go. When everyone goes... I couldn't help feeling the urge to cry..I didn't, but the urge was there...trust me. I hid it behind a forced smile and a little laugh...

Since putting some new pics on my MySpace page, I've gotten quite an interesting response.

I received this in a message the other night...:



From: *****

Date: Dec 27, 2005 10:38 AM

Subject: Just a thought...

Hi, my name is Mike. By the time you are done reading this you are probably either going to think that I am some sleazy asshole, or a man with an intriguing offer. Hopefully the latter, but since the subject is a little sensitive I would completely understand you leaning towards the former. I could go on setting this e-mail up all day, but by now I am probably losing your attention, so I will cut to the chase...

You are gorgeous. Seriously, you are amazingly sexy, not to mention photogenic. Regardless of whatever your self image says, you are more than attractive enough to be a fantasy to the men and women who see you. I would not be sending you this e-mail if that was not the case.

By now you are probably just wondering why I am buttering you up. As much as I would love to be writing you in an attempt to seduce you, that really isn't the case. I know a lot of guys think that works on MySpace, but I don't live life with my head up my ass. :)

Here's the thing... Have you ever considered modeling? Particularly of a sexy variety? I am opening a fantasy models website. Nothing too raunchy. A tasteful site to appeal to a variety of interests like lingerie/bikini models, artistic nudes, and all the way up to girl/girl pictorals. Yes, it would be adult, and I realize that just because you are attractive does not mean that you would be interested in a adult modeling. My interest in asking you has nothing to do with my opinion of you as a person, or any assumption of what you are into. It is really based purely on your sex appeal, which you radiate with a great intensity.

I know I am probably not the first guy to ask you if you were interested in something like this, and I know that a lot of those previous inquiries probably came from lying scumbags. I am not a liar, or a scumbag. While the backbone of this project is sensual, it will be maintained completely on the up and up.

I should start with "How it's going to work". Here is the site structure I am envisioning:

Basically, the site would be a network. Each girl would have her own content site. In her content site, she sets the rules about how much she wants to show, and what kind of themes she want's to go with. How much money you make depends on how many people sign up through your content site. There will be model release forms and contracts to sign. This will protect me from anyone underage trying to get involved in the project, and this will protect the models from being short changed on their revenue. Trust is a big thing with me, especially in business. One benefit I am shooting for is to have the girls do their photoshoots as comfortably as possible. If you have a friend with a digital camera that is 3.5 MegaPixels or higher quality you never even need to meet me face to face. If you don't have a photographer/friend, maybe you will make friends with some of the other girls, and you can share that duty with them. If you REALLY need a photographer, I am available, as well as knowing a few amateur photographers I could introduce you to. If you don't intend to use a friend, I will have a rule that you bring a friend with you to any photoshoot I or a 3rd party photographer oversees. Safety and respect are very important, especially in this kind of gig.

This will be the first adult project I have managed. I'm not a "porn guy" or anything like that. However, I have been in the web game for about 10 years, and know how it works. I have managed sites for Disney, ABC, the United Nations, and the City of New York. I will be funding the build and launch of the site, so I am not asking you for any money to get on board with the project. The only commitment I will need from you is one photoshoot a week containing one theme (outfit/scenario/costume/etc), and consisting of about 100-150 usable images. That is why I lean towards digital. On a monthly basis you will be provided a revenue report for your site, and a comparison against the other girls, along with a check for the net income your site generated.

I anticipate the site launching by Christmas, hopefully sooner. I have purchased the domain, and the hosting, and I am in the process of finalizing the site's overall design and credit card processing integration.

I'm not a jackass. I am not assuming that you are open to this kind of thing. I just thought I would ask since it is so obvious that you have the looks to excel in a project like this. So don't think I am a bad guy if you are not interested. Feel free to contact any of the girls on my friends list, as they are all interested models.

If you were not intoxicatingly gorgeous, you would never have heard a peep out of me.

If you are interested, please take a minute to answer the questions below so I know what you are looking for and how to get in touch.

I hope to talk to you soon.

------------------

> First Name:

> Age:

> Sexual Orientation:
(A=Straight, B=Bi, C=Curious, D=Girls Only)

> Yahoo IM:

> AOL IM:

> Other IM:

> E-mail:

> Modeling interest:
(A=lingerie/swimsuit, B=nude/solo, C=erotic/sexual)

> Have a photographer with a decent digital camera?
(Y/N):

> Can I share your contact info with the other models?
(Y/N):

I was also invited to audition to cohost a new tv show..:)

I'm seriously concidering it...

They say the end of the year is a time to reflect on what's happened over the course of those 12 months...

Wow..where to begin. I started out the year engaged, I graduated from West Virginia Univeristy with a Bachelor of Arts and Sciences in Communication Studies, I toured to the Greenbrier for Easter with the Puppetry program, I came back to work for Disney, Mike and I split, I lost most of my friends that I've known for over 10 years..cause they turned their backs on me (this still hurts like a bitch), I've dated a much older man, I've gotten a new best friend, I've discovered things about myself that I never knew before *through trial and error, through experiences and through late night conversations and connecting with certain people*, I've developed several crushes and admirations for some very special people in my life, I've managed to gain the affections of quite a few of those said people, I found out some distressing news via AIM when Taher (one of those in my former circle of tightnit friends) died suddenly on October 25th, my ANA/MIA has come back again with a vengence..and sometimes it seems like that's the only thing I can count on..if I don't get it under control, I know it will control me and it will be what finishes me off..and that scares me. Wow..that's not even the half of it and already that seems like way too much to experience in just a year...

I'm exhausted though, I may write more later. Till we meet again, take care.

Love Always,

Livia Rose

In other news, when this hits stores, I will be purchasing a copy.

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Today was an Extra Magic Hour morning at MGM, and Chicken Little & Abby Mallard are the only character that have sets for it. Of course, that's who I was with today (again). I think I managed to get to sleep around 1am. After having an argument online with someone yesterday evening.. *sigh* Anyways, that's not important. 

I woke up yet again, before my alarm this morning (set to go off at 6am, I woke up at 5:30am on my own).  I decided to go ahead and get ready for work. I hopped onto Myspace afterwards, cause I had some time before I had to catch the bus. At work, they decided to try Photopass in our location. First, it was a disaster..but as it went on, it got a little better...I can't even begin to imagine how it was at the Hat today...

I shudder at the thought....

Anyways, on to my really cool news.

I talked to my mom on the phone yesterday and today. But..today I had something awesome to say.

*jumps up and down*

Ok, so I've mentioned how most people (characters, attendants, coordinators, even a face character trainer) have approached me and told me to go to face auditions...some guests even ask me if I'm one of the princesses sometimes...anyways..

Two of the people training everyone on the concept of photopass today, and I saw them at the meeting in toybox the other night, I wish I could remember their names..anyways, they both approach me and this is how the interaction went:

Lady: Both of us were wondering if you had ever considered auditioning for a face character.

Me: Actually, I did. Back in August. They didn't choose me.

Lady: Really?! Why not? Did they give you any feedback as to why?

Me: Nope. None..I even have had characters, coordinators, fellow attendants and a face trainer approach me about going to auditions.

Lady: Well, we like your look, but we're not the ones who cast for face characters, obviously. What was your last name? I'm gonna check into why they didn't choose you.

So we'll see...

My work schedule this week:

Sun. - MGM Animation 9:36a-5:42p

Mon. - MGM Animation 9:36a-5:42p

Tues. - MGM Animation 8:12a-5:42p

Wed. - [OT1] MGM Super Soap Driver 9 rehersal 9p-1a

Thurs. - SDO

Fri. - MGM Hat 8:36a-3p & 4:30p-5:24p; DSMC 6 3p-4:30p

Sat. - MGM Super soap 9 motorcade 6:12p-9p; MGM Hollyday rehersal 11p-5:30a

Sun. - MGM Animation 9:36a-5:24p; Super Soap 9 motorcade; 6p-9p

Mon. - MGM Hat 8:36a-3p & 4:30p-5:24p; DSMC 3p-4:30p or MGM Animation 9:36a-5:42p (not sure about this day)

Tues. - DAK Camp Minnie/Mickey 9a-5:24p

Wed. - MK Safety in Motion meeting 7:30a-9a; Town Square Breaker 2 10a-7p

Thurs. - MGM Power Rangers 9a-3p & 4:30p-5:42p; DSMC 3p-4:30p

Fri. - SDO *I was supposed to fly home this day at 7:30am*

Sat. - SDO

Right now though, I'm exhausted. I'll catch everyone later. Peace out.

<3

Liv

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Last night was so awesome!! OMG. The past few days, I've been on an emotional high, which has been wonderful..considering the absolute shittiness of the past few weeks. The smile on my face, my laugh, the sparkle in my eye, my love of the sheer beauty in life has finally begun to come back and be truly genuine.  I can't even begin to express how good it feels to be on the 'glass is half full' side of life again. I hope this stays for a LONG time.

Yesterday morning I ran into Brandon and we rode the bus to Studios to work together. We talked and joked about tons of various things on the way there. We had a lot in common. It was quite a good time.

Anyways, on to the events of last night (or at least what I can post on here)... I got home from work and Eric came down to my apartment with his laptop to direct connect to my PC to upload photos from MNSS and the lil' attendant pics. We chatted for like an hour, and I tried to convince him to come out with all of us, but he had other things he needed to do. After he left, it was 7:30..I had less than an hour to get ready to go out with my friends from work. So I rushed to get ready. It was supposed to be Kelly, Amanda, Angela, Roberto, John and I. I had invited Brandon (a friend of mine and Kelly) to go with us, after asking Roberto (since it was his thing) :). I felt somewhat over dressed, but Erickson said it was PI attire. So I wore something I would wear out to the clubs. Although, the Parliment House isn't an 'upscale club' or anything like the ones back home. Kelly backed out, so it was just Roberto, Amanda, Angela, John, Brandon and I. We made a trip to Fairvilla (the infamous porn store in downtown Orlando) before hitting the club. We had some laughs. It sorta set the mood for the evening. *smirk* Then after we left, we went to Parliment House. Everyone got something to drink, including myself. I haven't had a drink in forever, and with the stuff that's been going on lately...I needed something to make me feel good and relaxed. But lately I've been really flirty, and everyone knows alcohol intensifies whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment. And what a light-weight I've always been. Hello, I weigh like 112lbs, if even that (with the cardio and amount of exercise I do daily, it's probably not even that...). Anyways, I had a blue kamakazi for my first drink..by the time I finished that, I was more than a little tipsy. But then I got a Sex on the Beach, and that was it..it was over. I was full-blown drunk. But I finally felt relaxed and chill, I talked to several of the people there..we enjoyed the first drag show.  Then we were trying to find seats for the one at 11:30pm, and most were reserved. I was standing in the back talking with Brandon and then we decided to go someplace a little less crowded to talk and stuff. We went out to the parking lot and got to know each other better. Then Roberto came out and gave us a ride back to Chatham (everyone parted ways). Brandon walked me back to my apartment building, and we talked some more. :) Then we said goodnight (both of us had to be up for work early today). I have an even earlier day tomorrow...

But so yeah, last night was amazing. I had a wonderful time. All day today I couldn't stop smiling... Thanks guys.

Love Always,

Livia Rose 

Oh, and after debating the issue..I'm almost certain I'm going to stay in Orlando. I'm not coming back to Morgantown. Maybe to visit. But I belong here now. I feel so out of place when I go back..I've changed, everyone else has changed. I'm not a part of that life anymore..and it isn't a part of me..

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I can't really put many details in here..a girl needs some secrets.

Anyways, what was to be two wasted RDO's..due to the cancellation of going to see Trapt in Atlanta, GA tonight..  A good friend, to cheer me up suggested dinner and a movie for tonight. 

After waking up at 8:30am and doing three hours of pilates, bellydance and cardio..I got a shower and all..then grabbed my pictures for Roberto and caught the E bus to Studios at 2:45pm.  It was just beginning to rain...

I chilled in the Toy Box for a while after parade (talking and joking around with Roberto, Raymond and Will).  Then my friend and I left to head to Downtown Disney (once he was able to clock out).  We ate at Wolfgang Puck Express, then saw Corpse Bride.  Cute movie!

After that, we decided to grab some popcorn and stay for the movie 'Stay'.  Weird movie..very strange.  Unless you want to see a movie that is very complex and confusing...don't waste your time or money on that one.

After that, he brought me home..on the way we joked and had fun.  Then we talked for a bit.  It was JUST what I needed.  Thank you sweetie.  I feel so very fortunate to have you in my life.  You've done so much for me..I can't even begin to comprehend how I could ever repay you.  I adore you (I always have..since the day I first met you years ago *it's still imprinted on my mind to this day*..and I always will).   I was sad to see the evening come to an end..but there's plenty of time to do it again in the future.

Love Always,
Livia Rose

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In other news, if I ever get enough money..I want this in pink.

I also went to Mickey's Not so Scary Halloween Party on Tuesday night with Augusto courtesy of Roberto. :) He won two free tickets and he gave them to me on two conditions: 1) I had to collect candy for him and 2) I had to dress as Little Red Riding Hood, cause he was with BB Wolf The Big Bad Wolf). :)

So I did.

Me with Roberto
Me with BB Wolf

Later,
Liv

Degrassi:TNG also released a CD...which can be added to a wish list..Along with seeing my fav band in concert...

Also, for those that actually care...I'll be in Motown Nov. 18-21. And the weekend of Nov. 12 & 13th, I'm driving in the motorcade for Super Soap weekend at MGM Studios. My work schedule is crazy next week...

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Found out last night, two days before the concert..that I'm apparently no longer going to get to see Trapt.



Which really sucks, I've been awaiting their new album for over a year and been hoping to see them perform live again, after FallFest. Words can't even describe what a shitty week this has been...

Liv


I'm done with believing promises people make. I'm tired of being stood up and disappointed, every time it happens, I feel more and more like a worthless piece of crap and I lose a little more dignity and self-respect. I'm worth more than being treated like shit. It stops now.

I'm still looking to go to this, but I'm not trusting anyone that says they are going to go. I'm not getting my hopes up again. I might put in for the time off to go, and then hitchhike there or something...

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The past two days have been a blur. I didn't sleep last night, every few minutes the realization would hit me like a ton of bricks and make me physically ill. He's gone..I'll never see him again, never hear him say, 'Shine!', or see his somewhat clumsy antics that always made everyone laugh (i.e. the cell phone in the trashcan in Orlando; the spicy eye incident at BW3's). I was looking through pictures of the 'Charmers' last night, while typing the myspace entry (which I cross posted to this journal). ***Note, I'm more active on Myspace than here, nowdays.*** I found myself remembering moments that had somehow become buried in the back of my mind...I smiled, I giggled...then I became extremely sad. Gone is the innocense we used to have. Gone are the times where everyone got along.

Then again, a deep rooted fear was realized...last time I lived in Orlando, my Grandmother died..this time, I had a feeling something would happen once again (a death/or equally shattering incident in which I was left to deal with away from everyone). I thought that happened in July...I thought I had dealt with my rough patch for the time I would be here...I was wrong. :(

I actually considered coming home for this, but then I began to think..maybe it's best I didn't. Most of the group has made it very clear that they prefer I didn't exist. They made sure I knew that this summer... I'm happy that all of you can be so close now, maybe this time it'll stay that way.

I've managed to once again be on speaking terms with a few of you since Taher's death...others, that may never happen. Once again making me glad I didn't buy a plane ticket home. I wouldn't be able to deal with the accusing stares, the whispers..the coldness..or the awkwardness, in addition to the grief of everyone over this tragedy.

For those of you that still consider me a friend, I just want to say 'Thank you'. And that I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you in this dark time. Maybe we will oneday have the chance to get together again, until then. Take care.

*hugs*
Liv

**************************************************************************************

I was watching my second season of Degrassi:TNG dvds, and this seemed appropriate to this entry..

Poor Thing (shout)
It happens to other people
You say how sad
You say poor thing
But when it's you, it's something else
it's everything
It started with something minor
from there into something worse
the friends you love
and thought you knew
just disappear
it felt so weird
half blessing half curse
it happens to other people
you say how sad
you say poor thing

[

mood

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lonely

]

As I'm sure everyone now knows, Taher died suddenly last night.

I'm not exactly certain as to what happened, all I know is what I've been told, and how I managed to find out.

Midaiz1221:  i gotta go
Midaiz1221: i think taher died
Midaiz1221: i gotta go
Livia Rose 1: ?!
Livia Rose 1: WHAT?!
Midaiz1221: he passed out and was dead
Midaiz1221: jordan just came over
Midaiz1221: i gotta go

Livia Rose 1: Midaiz1221:  i gotta go
Midaiz1221: i think taher died
Midaiz1221: i gotta go
Livia Rose 1: ?!
Livia Rose 1: Livia Rose 1: WHAT?!
Midaiz1221: he passed out and was dead
Midaiz1221: jordan just came over
Midaiz1221: i gotta go
Livia Rose 1: :'(
Nrclpsy BF5: what happened?
Livia Rose 1: I don't know :'
Livia Rose 1: :'(
Nrclpsy BF5: OMG
Nrclpsy BF5: have u tried to call anyone?
Livia Rose 1: I called my mom to ask Katy if it was true or not
Livia Rose 1: But I didn't even bother calling Jordan, we haven't been speaking since july...
Livia Rose 1: So I don't know what's going on, other than the IMs from Mike
Livia Rose 1: :'(
Nrclpsy BF5: i'll try ethan
Livia Rose 1: ok
Nrclpsy BF5: i'll be back
Nrclpsy BF5 signed off at 1:37:43 PM.

Livia Rose 1: is it true?:'(
Livia Rose 1: i can't seem to get ahold of anyone
Laptop TG: Katy has called and confirmed

Auto response from Livia Rose 1: Midaiz1221:  i gotta go i think taher died
Livia Rose 1: WHAT?! :'(
Midaiz1221: he passed out and was dead  jordan just came over

Laptop TG: I am not calling anyone out of respect and because I'm not clogging up already-ringing phones
Laptop TG: The first I heard was from Katy, though.
Laptop TG is away at 2:42:03 PM.

After first hearing online from Mike, I immediately called my mom, hysterical as Kasi and Kendall overheard the conversation taking place over the phone no more than 5 feet away.  I was shaking, I was crying..even after I hung up the phone.  I had no sooner gotten finished doing one of my cardio dvds, when I found out from Mike.  After Kasi and Kendall left, I got in the shower..I knew what I had to do.  I got myself calmed down and cleaned up a bit, hopped on the E2 bus to MGM Studios at 3:15pm.  I went in through the cast services building, and over to the Toy Box.  Some people were still in there *parade was getting ready to step off*  I waited..dreading having to open my mouth to speak..I knew my voice would crack and then be replaced by tears.  Laura then came out of the duty office.  I turned to her, 'Laura, could you tell me *this is when i felt my chin begin to quiver and the tears begin to form in my eyes* who I would need to talk to about being able to go home for a few days in order to go to a funeral?'  Then she pulled me into the office, gave me a box of tissues, asked me to sit down while she paged Bob, then came over and gave me a hug and held me while I cried.  I then talked to Bob in the Gantry office.  After that, I walked over towards the time clock and saw the parade vehicles on their way to step-down.  So I waited, and I waved to Gerado, Roberto, Kelly, Angela, etc.  Then I went to find Roberto.  I told him what had happened.  I ran into Augusto, I told him.  Then Sharra came out of the parade building and noticed me standing off to the side, she came over, asked what was wrong, so I told her, she gave me a hug and held on to me while I cried.  I heard Will in the background, calling out..concerned.  (I had called him earlier, left him a tearful voicemail, right after talking to my mom...he called several times, but I could barely speak enough to be coherent/or understandable.  So I just cried as I screened his concerned calls.  I called him because I didn't know who else to talk to...once again, I was 1800 miles away, and a life-changing event happened..and I was alone... ).  He and Laura are arranging things for me so that I can go home to attend the funeral service, all I need to do is let them know what my plans are.  After talking to them, I was a mess, and Will was so concerned he drove me home.  Around 7pm, the phone rang.  It was Mike..and he told me the story (of what happened) using the words of someone who witnessed the incident first hand, Taher's roommate and best friend, Neil.

"Apparently Neil and Taher were sitting around watching TV last night, when around 8pm, Taher suddenly stood up, said 'Oh Fuck' and collapsed to the ground..he was dead before he hit the floor.  Neil tried to revive him, he called 911, the tried for 45 minutes to bring him back..he was just..gone.  According to Neil, Taher had looked bad for several days prior to the incident."

So there you have it, my bad day in a nutshell...

Apparently everyone back home is together right now..they all went out to offer each other support...and here I am, once again..left to deal with something horrible all alone.  Like Will said, 'It's been a tough year for you...'  That it has, that it has.  Ever since I moved to Florida..bad things have been happening in my life.  I lost most of my friends over Mike and I splitting, so not only did I lose a fiance, but I lost tons of friends whom I'd known for almost 10 years that stopped speaking to me.  All over something that wasn't any of their concern...faced to deal with everything on my own..down here... Heartbroken and alone, two words to decribe my life over the past few months. 

Liv

Adding some photo memories of Taher...




Playing a guitar at Stephy's moms house on July 4th, 2004.


Sitting on his birthday saddle at Texas Roadhouse.


Giving Jordan a piggyback ride in Garfields


Neil and Taher goofing off at a playground.


At Nicole's wedding


Jordan, Neil and Taher goofing off at a Charmer cookout at Cooper's Rock.


Brad, Dan, Taher, Jordan and Neil having lots of fun at same cookout.


Everyone at my going away and going back to complete second CP at WDW dinner at Texas Roadhouse.  (L to R: (top) Katy, me, Mike, Brad and Jason; (bottom) Guy, Stephy, Eddie and Taher.)

A four group Charmer picture collage:
1st pic: Outside Olive Garden.  L to R: (Top) Taher and Dan.  (Middle) me, Stephy, Jordan, Seret, Jeremy and Neil.  (Bottom) Rob and Katy.
2nd pic: Outside Eat n Park on July 4.  L to R: Brad, Dan, Katy, me, Drew, Jason, Stephy, Neil, Jordan, Jeremy and Taher.

3rd pic: At a playground. L to R: (top) Dan, Nicole, Taher and Brad.  (middle) Katy and Neil.  (bottom) Stephy and Jason.
4th Pic: Outside of BW3's.  L to R: (top) Brad, Dan, Jordan and Taher.  (bottom) Katy, me, Drew and Neil.

[

mood

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cold

]

Hurricaine Wilma managed to shut down MGM Studios and Animal Kingdom this morning...so I do not have to report to Animation this morning. But I'm still awake. Currently we are under a hurricaine warning (duh, it's going on outside my bedroom window :P ), Tornado watch and flood watch till at least 4pm.

Fun...


I worked a long shift yesterday too...MGM Studios Animation Att. 1, 9:36am-5:42pm & MK Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party Toon Town Att. 5 Princess Room, 5pm-12:30am. I got home around 2am..

The high temps for the next few days are only gonna be in the 60's..lows in the 40s...Damn...:(

[

mood

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pleased

]

This movie is surprisingly good. It's cute, hilarious..and was written and put together really well. I would go see it again. :) Release date: Nov. 4th, 2005.

After working with Chicken Little and Abby Mallard at MGM Studios for months, it was nice to finally know the entire story behind the film. Now when I work there sun-tues, I'll be better 'prepared'. :D

I saw it tonight at the invitation-only pre-release party at Downtown Disney Pleasure Island's AMC 24. I was definately worth going to see. Check it out if you have a chance. Even if you don't have kids to take..hehehe. ;)

<3
Liv

[

mood

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anxious

]

So everyone is watching Hurricaine Wilma. It's now a category 5 hurricaine (like the one that leveled New Orleans a few weeks ago). As I was coming home from MGM today, the security people were handing out sheets with information entitled, 'Hurricaine preparedness at home'. Some people seem to be in disbelief...'It's not going to hit us, it's gonna hit southern tip of Florida...' Uh..yeah, I believe those were everyone's thought with Hurricaine Charlie..when it took an unexpected turn and hit Orlando head on.

The power has been flickering on and off for the past two days in my apartment. But so far, no rain. It's expected to hit sometime this weekend.

God help us.

In other news, I went to Walmart today and got my haircut. *smirk* No one really noticed. Oh well..what can you do.

I was also invited to an Invitation-only advanced screening of Chicken Little tomorrow night at 6pm at Pleasure Island's AMC 24. :) I'm excited. An advanced screening, because I've helped to bring the magic to life with Chicken Little and Abby Mallard. The beginning of my CP, Animation (first with the Incredibles, then with Chicken Little) was like..my 'unofficial bid'. :) I was there all the time. I'm there three days next week, I was there two days this past week.

You get the picture. ;)

Oh...

And I still miss my dogs. :(

I'm gonna go do some stuff. Till we meet again, take care..and hope for the best, keep all of us in your thoughts as we enter Hurricaine Wilma's rein..

<3
Liv

[

mood

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awake

]

Life's been kinda shitty lately, some stuff has been happening that I can't really talk about on here, or don't really care to have people know... Because of this, my lj posts lately have been lacking a lot of personal info as well as having become few and far between...

Just enough to say that once again, I am apparently a cause for concern among some people. Gossip is flying freely, rumors are being spread. Someone going by the name of Tess McGee or something along those lines has been mass emailing certain individuals rumours and blatant lies about me. Whoever this happens to be, must be one sorry excuse for a human being..as well as someone who has no life...how pathetic..

Life sucks...What else is new, right? :(

I'm really looking forward to the Trapt concert though..every time I listen to either of the 2 cd's, I get more and more excited.

I was very impressed with 'Someone in Control'. Very strong for a 'sophomore' album.

This song makes me kinda sad though...sorta like number 10 (Stories) on the first cd.

Waiting
by Trapt
album: Someone in Control (2005)
I wanna meet up with you and show you what I'm thinking
I'll take you anywhere, that you wanna go
I'm sitting here, all lonely and you know that anytime your free
To show, show me how you feel
I'll take you anywhere, that you wanna go
Anywhere that you wanna go

I'd make it right if you wanted it
I want it back well then you know
I'd cross the line if you wanted it
I want you back
And I'm waiting, for you
To get that feeling once again
Reunited in the end
And I've been waiting for you
To capture my imagination
Cause I've been fooled by the illusions in my head

Now I realize that I've never had it so good,
It took me anywhere that I wanted to go
Now i'm sitting here dreaming of the days
When anyime I wanted I could show you how I feel
I cant go anywhere, that I wanna go
Anywhere that I wanna go

I'd make it right if you wanted it
I want it back,well then you know
I'd cross the line if you wanted it
I want you back
And I'm waiting, for you
To get that feeling once again
Reunited in the end
And I've been waiting for you
To capture my imagination
Cause I've been fooled by the illusions in my head

I'l take you anywhere
I'l take you anywhere
I'l take you anywhere
I'l take you anywhere
You wanna go

I'd make it right if you wanted it
I want it back,well then you know
I'd cross the line if you wanted it
I want you back
And I'm waiting, for you
To get that feeling once again
Reunited in the end
I've been waiting for you
To capture my imagination
Cause I've been fooled by the illusions in my head
Cause I've been fooled by the illusions in my head
Cause I've been fooled by the illusions in my head


Upsides? Today at Animation, I saw one of my buddies. We'll call him 'Jeff', since that was his nametag for the day. ;)

Anyways, he had me cracking up.

Jeff: Don't you just love how people walk by and don't listen to a word you say to them?
Me: *laugh* Yeah, I know what you mean.
Jeff: Hi folks, welcome to the World of Disney Animation. Hi, my name is Walt Disney.
Me: *laughing and watching as people continue to walk by in their own little worlds..not paying attention*
Jeff: Hi folks, come meet our friends Chicken Little and Abby Mallard from the newest movie, 'Chicken Little'! And I dropped my toaster streudals in the kitty litter this morning when I was making breakfast!
Me: *rotflmao*

***************

Midaiz1221: i read your lj. you know if ya ever need to talk about anything, you can come to me anytime
Livia Rose 1: i changed some of it
Midaiz1221: that's odd
Midaiz1221: sounds like you are dealing with a high schooler
Midaiz1221: i haven't come across that type of behavior in a while
Livia Rose 1: no kidding right?
Livia Rose 1: Apparently this person has been emailing people lies about me though, like how when I went home in september that I slept with you and a few other people
Livia Rose 1: which is amazing
Midaiz1221: geez
Livia Rose 1: cause I swear I don't remember doing that
Midaiz1221: well i KNOW you didn't sleep with me. i woulda remembered an event like that
Livia Rose 1: and considering I was SOBER the entire time
Midaiz1221: yeah
Midaiz1221: well hopefully you wouldn't do that stuff drunk either
Midaiz1221: but damn
Livia Rose 1: i would've remembered fucking someone
Midaiz1221: it'll be ok. calm down. rise above it
Midaiz1221: someone has some jealousy issues or something
Livia Rose 1: calm down? Some asshole is trying to ruin my reputation, they are trying to fuck me over
Livia Rose 1: and they have to use an alias to do so
Livia Rose 1: what a fucking coward
Midaiz1221: which is exactly why you should try to rise above it
Midaiz1221: people who truly know you know that this is wrong
Midaiz1221: and if anyone would believe such things, they are stupid anyhow
Midaiz1221: this person wants you to get upset
Midaiz1221: don't give into that
Midaiz1221: people are so stupid
Midaiz1221: this is why i distance myself from the online community and from people who may have bad intentions. too much opportunity for a stalker or an annoying asshole to come along and cause trouble. i have too much work to deal with that stuff.
Midaiz1221: so, in short...
Midaiz1221: i would do your best to ignore it, because you know you are not like that. and people who are true to you know that too. and they'll just ignore this childish mindlessness
Midaiz1221: or, plan B, send this person my address and i'll pop a cap
Midaiz1221: whichever works best :-)
*******************

[

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discontent

]

Today and tomorrow are my two days off this week, and already the day has started out just great...:(

Later, I've got a lot to do.
Liv


*********

This song makes me feel a little better, but still makes me feel like I wanna put my fist through a wall...

Stand Up - Trapt

Why don't you let me be, leave me alone
You start a fire inside that I could never control
You want to see a reaction
Come on and cut me down you've gone as far as I'll go
Now you're crossing the line and I am letting you know
Well here's your reaction

Stand up I have had enough

Walk away before I
Finish what you've started face to face
I will put you in your place
End this game before I
Finish what you started face to face
Everything will change

You've planted the seed
How my anger has grown
I've got a feeling inside that I can't seem to control
You want to see a reaction
Come on and cut me down
You've gone as far as I'll go
Now you're crossing the line and I am letting you know
So here's your reaction

Insult after insult......

You want to see a reaction

******

Oh, and my paycheck for last week after rent and taxes were taken out was $22. I'm rich, I need to figure out how to live on that stipend. Budgetting is key.

[

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satisfied

]

My favorite Orlando news channel. Central Florida News Channel 13. :)

Local stories archive

Featured segments/stories:

UCF Cop Funeral ***(shot and killed at Tailgate)

New State Laws (running red lights, carrying concealed weapons & self-defense)

Halloween in local Theme parks (WDW and Universal)

In other news, I spent the evening with one of the sweetest men I know. ;)

<3
Liv

[

mood

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apathetic

]

Case in point

Geez, how incredibly ridiculous and typical of this 'group' anymore. A simple post about someone wanting to go see some movies, and everyone jumps all over each other. No one is nice anymore, it's amazing how easily you people turn on each other, and how hateful and spiteful many of you have become over the last year.

With the exception of very few things, I'm glad to be rid of this negative circle of former friends. You guys bring each other down. Some of you seriously need help...

Movies to hatred in one simple post...how sad...

Liv