August 28, 2008. Cordale Darius Burke was born 1lb 7oz.
He passed away at 11:44am at Children's National Medical Center in Washington DC.

My water broke at 11:30 Wednesday night with no warning. I was standing in my bathroom when a gush of fluid came pouring out. Then I began to bleed. My mom called 911 and I was rushed to the hospital. In the ambulance, I began to have contractions. When I arrived at the hospital, I was poked and proded and checked and rushed. I was told I would have an emergency c-section in 20 minutes and my son would be flown to Childrens.

I was put to sleep and when I woke up, my mother was standing beside me. Then Cordale and His mom and my best friend Charisse and Gabby... when they brought Boo in, me and Cordale stared at him and he was gone. I saw my angel for 20 seconds and I just knew everything would be okay. That morning, I prayed and prayed. I told my mom I was happy and I knew everything was going to be okay. Around 9am, Boo's doctor called and said they were doing CPR on him but his heartrate was dropping. 10am came, 11am came. At 11:50am, she called back and said he didn't make it and my mother was holding him now.

These past few days have been a complete blur. I have staples on my stomach and stitches inside my uterus. My breast are full of milk. I can't walk or laugh. I look at the clock, waiting to feel him and I feel nothing. He was the most perfect human I've ever laid eyes on. His little hands and fingers. His toes and his little head with a head full of soft hair.

Cordale just looks at his picture and looks in the mirror... and touches his face, looks back at the picture, back at the mirror. Our baby looks like him. I miss him so much.

Amazing how things can happen so quickly. How life can be snatched away so sudden. I miss my son more than words can express. His movements inside my womb are now my favorite memories.... his little hands and face are now painted in my heart forever. I love you soo much Boo.


To all the mommy friends I met on lj, I wish you all the best of luck. You and your children will be in my prayers. My advice to you, during the rest of your pregnancy, take care of yourselves and your little ones. Listen to your body and take it easy. Smile and laugh HARD when you feel them. Love yourself for creating a life and all the sacrifices you have made.

My doctors say I will be able to have another child. I'll be high risk and will most likely have c-sections from here on out. I have no idea of when we will try again....

Finally I'm 24 weeks.

I'm so ready to see my little sunshine that I'm going crazy. I amuse myself that he wants to see me too hence the vigorous kicking and flipping and stretching out lol. He's very entertaining though. He doesn't like (or maybe he does like) when I sit stuff on my stomach. He kicks and kicks until whatever it is moves. I always sit my sidekick on my tummy when I'm laid back and he'll kick until it falls. Me and Cordale pat on my tummy with our fingers and he'll kick at that lmao

Work is cool, my feet are swollen but my doctor tells me not to worry because my ankles aren't. She told me to elevate my feet every night and drink more water. I'm telling you I can NOT drink another glass of water or my eyeballs will start floating. My leaking boob (yes.. just one) is normal as well. So everything is fine.

I go back to have another ultrasound on Sept 9.... and ummm thats about it!

Oh, last weekend.. I finally got out of my moms house and went out somewhere... Here's the pictures!



( & now pictures!Collapse )

So... I really really miss my boyfriend. (lol)

I was looking back at some entries from my first trimester and allllll the emotional, irrational entries I wrote about him... I'm happy that part is over, because I want to be with him all the time now. I got used to sleeping with him every night and now sleeping alone is just annoying. When we are together, the look on his face when he feels the baby move is priceless and I want to see it all the time *tear*

He always tells me thank you for carrying his son and I never thought somebody could make me feel so good inside.. but I guess thats why he's the one I'm having a son with...

I loveeeee youuuu!!!




( & now pictures!Collapse )

-tear-

My ultrasound visit. WOOHOO!

First off.. I love my doctor for warming up that goo they put on your tummy. And I'm sorry I didn't have and you had to witness my jungle of untamed hair. You did not deserve that lol

Anyway. Rules are, for the first part of the visit, mommy has to go in by herself then during the second part, daddy (or whoever is there for support) can come in. I told her I did want to know the sex while she was starting. 2 seconds later, there goes my baby's goodies all on the screen. "I think it's a boy... oh yeah its a boy. Look there's his little penis". Everything checked out good from what she could tell... he's measuring at 20 weeks so they changed my due date from Dec 12 to Dec 8.

After taking a couple standard pictures, she called Cordale in and I wanted to blurt out "ITS A BOY!" but I just smiled and kept my eyes on him as she showed him all his little parts and again.. hes flashing his goodies. He was soooooooo happy to say the least. He kept saying "i made a boy" too cute

My baby is extremely stubborn.... he would not show his face but besides that, while she was trying to take pictures of all his organs he would keep moving lol. She was trying to wiggle him around but ohhhh nooo.. he was not having it. He kicked and pushed and rolled around.. I've NEVER felt him move so much and to see it on the screen was amazing.

Here are some pics! WOOHOO


( little girls close your eyes.. my son's goodies are outCollapse )

work is exhausting. i've been working non-stop since last saturday and 10 hour shifts since thursday but good news. I finally have a day off 2morrow.

anatomy ultrasound tomorrow.

woohoo!

my feet hurt. my groin hurts. my tummy is tight and i have a headache...

and my hair looks a mess

i'm going to wash a load of clothes and go to sleeppppp!!! Night all.

Here's some pics.






19 weeks!!

oh and here's how pretty mommy is today.

First and foremost.. I would like to say I'm sooo happy my friend Charmaine had her baby daughter Lyric early this morning.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYRIC!!

Secondly. I'm happy I spent the weekend with my baitalicious Cordielicious. He turned 22 on Friday. Yay for Daddy. I have pictures that need to be uploaded but they won't be for a while since my family is going to the beach for a week and I'll be staying with him and his computer SUCKS MONKEY BALLS.

Today was my first day at Nordstrom and it was pretty good. I sold a lot of merchandise and got familiar with the floor and the way things work. I tried on some Dojo Sevens (the ones I've ALWAYS wanted) and they look sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good on me.. Even with the pregnancy bump, I just have to go up a waist size. THEN to top it off, right outside of Nordstrom they have Pea In A Pod and they have the Dojos as well.. with the maternity strap..WOOOO HOOOOO!!

And the gucci boots... and the prada boots.. and lets not forget the LOVELY leather jacket we have in MY department.. 20% will do me great but that will be after I buy myself ANOTHER car..

-sigh- Third car in *counts* 2 years. But this one will be my baby because I'm buying it for me and the little one.


BABY UPDATE:
Very, very... i repeat VERY active. I don't know if thats normal or what not but its extremely fun. Cordale FINALLY got to feel the baby which made his birthday extra special.
I have a doctors appointment this week
Anatomy Ultrasound next week

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOTTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me and the baby are SOOO excited. The part I'm worried about is being around alll those loveelllyyy clothes and handbags. I guess I should be happy I was broke today because they're having their Half Yearly sale and it was coach bags on sale...


Thank God for this one little baby! -baby does happy dance-

Does anybody think their baby feeds off their negative/positive energy. I've been happy all day and the little one has been very active ALL day.



YAY US!!

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I had a good weekend all the way up until today.... Thursday, dinner with the girls (and Brian) for Toya's birthday. Friday, I went to Cordale's and we spent the 4th of July together. Saturday was pretty uneventful. We slept most of the day. Today, was just all the way stupid. When I'm mad, I don't know how to just chill out and laugh it off. I get really emotional and really... DUMB. I ended up leaving Cordale's house with NOWHERE to go. I got on the bus and ended up downtown at the Museums. Which was fine up until my ankles started hurting. He told me to come to his job and get his keys... and I felt so fucking stupid. I hate when I know I'm being dumb and I can't do anything but sit in that retarded feeling and sulk. It sucks.

I got my hair done today... yay


Baby is moving all around... I'm extremely tired and I HATE living at home. If I start typing about it, I'm sure I'll start crying.

Interview tomorrow... Doctors appointment on tuesday


Here are some pics from the birthday dinner...

( Happy Birthday toyaCollapse )

I cried yesterday and stayed in the bed all day today.... until Chrishaun came and kidnapped me. She treated me to Unos and on the way there I missed a call from Nordstroms. I checked my voicemail and they were finally calling me back about a J-O-B!! yayyyyyyyyyyy!!! I hope this goes well. I'm to my last $137 and I'm going to use damn near half of that renting a car to go see my Daddy next week.

The baby likes to move around when s/he knows mommy is trying to rest. Which is fine NOW (lol). These movements aren't brutal at all... they're pretty cute and tend to make my day... especially yesterday after all that weak crying I did.

I want to treat myself to a spa day.. my nails look a mess... I haven't had a pedicure in like 2 months and godddd this pregnancy is KILLING my skin. I never had acne or breakouts my entire life... my face (any my chest) are horrific.

I get to see Cordale in two days... annddd err??! OH. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to check the plates in my arms. My primary doctor thinks my plates have slipped and are pinching a nerve. I really want to find out wtf is going on.

Anybody's boobs itch really bad lol

oops theres a kick kick! yay