day 53...

I'm tired of being sad all the fucking time. If its not one thing, its another.


But this too shall pass I guess. I'm not feeling today at all. I wish I could go back home and get back in the bed. Today is gonna be a busy day at work I'm sure and I'll be up, running around, like an complete ass hole. I'm praying and praying somebody is looking out for me and can get me in somewhere else SOON. I'm tired of this bullshit ass hotel.

Sue me, I'm going to mommy hell. I drunk a pepsi.

Is it bad that I just don't care about today at all?!!? Like I want to keep my flip flops on and sit at my desk on myspace.

Speaking of myspace... I'm sooo over Cordale and the Myspace girls. If its not his ex, its a new girl trying to get his number and him saying how cute she is... or and old bitch talkin bout she wanna see him and "could she lick his lollipop". I'm OVER these retarded ass females. Everybody is a slut and/or disrespectful as shit. All last night, he was all in my face... whats wrong?? why you look like you been crying?? whats wrong?? & I just don't say a word, because I'm tired of talking...

tired of explaining to him how much I HATE females and his constant need to entertain them... despite the fact that he claims I'm the BEST thing out here for him... if I'm so great, so "tight", the best, and on top of that... carrying your first child.. WHY THE FUCK do you feel the need to entertain these ignorant ass, uneducated, misinformed ass, HOOD RAT ASS, thinking its cool to be somebody's fucking "bust it baby" ASS BITCHES...

KILL!

I think I deserve this pepsi.

-sigh-

When can I get some relief...

ANYWAY. I'm going to the Avenue with Cherish on Thursday... I'm not all that thrilled about the Avenue, but at least I'm going to the club. I hope I'm off on Sunday, so I can go to church and sleep at my moms house

PS- my moms house is actually a place I DONT want to be... my step father continues to piss me off and thats another reason to why I'm so sad.. but thats another conversation for another entry (possibly sometime later today)

Ivillage says my face may be breaking out because of my hormones... WELL Ivillage, i tell you what. My face isn't breaking out, my scalp is dry as a old ladies vagina though...

My night was hell.

I'm super bitch. I feel bad for any one who comes in contact with me, especially my dear Cordale. -sigh-

I'm suuuchhhh a bitch. (lol. I'm sorry.. for those who aren't living with me, you won't get the full effect)

Last night, I basically screamed and yelled.. cussed and cried about how he doesn't spend enough time with me and he always does what he wants to do... without me. How I'll find something to do WITHOUT him since he never wants to be around me. He doesn't want to be around me and I'm not even big yet. Scream, scream... yell, yell, yell. UGH

I told him to leave, leave me the fuck alone... go away... don't talk to me... FUCK YOU BITCH! all that. just to lay in the bed and cry

to drift off into the SCARIEST fucking nightmare I've had since I was prolly a 2nd grader.

I know from interpreting dreams, it was all about my flight habits.. How I run from shit I don't like, among other things. I was running the entire dream. I didn't want to go back to sleep... but I laid there, with my eyes closed.

& here comes Mr. Cordale.

He laid beside me. He thought I was sleeping. He kissed the back of my neck, and rubbed his hands on my legs... he grabbed my hand and he rested his hand right on my stomach. He whispered to me "I love you soo much" and went to sleep.

After all my hissy fits and irrational behavior.... He still wants to sleep beside his pregnant and overly hormonal girlfriend/baby mother ♥

I love it.

BACK TO WORK...

SOO...

Work will continue to piss me off... UNPAID maternity leave... which makes no sense to me. Basically I'm UNEMPLOYED for 6-12 weeks and I'm able to come back to my position.. which I don't know if I want to do.... but whatever. God shall make a way. I spent a few hours crying in my office, trying to figure out WHAT THE FUCK we're gonna do... my mom doesn't think me getting a part time job is a good idea, but I guess me and Cordale will figure out what's best for our family.  I'm scared I'm stressing out TOO much and I'm hurting baby.. Sooo, Imma chill out a little

Maternity work pants... UGLY.

I wish I wasn't such a bitch OR tired.. I'm an evil sleepy bitch. I've been hiding from the world. Only interacting with Cordale or my friends VIA my sidekick. If I'm rude, bite me.. I'm sorry.

Nothing major to update really... my boobs are WONDERFUL...

I have a gun and I'm not afraid to use it...

well not actually.. thats just how i feel.

I'm feeling like ultra bitch. I feel bad when I just spaz on Cordale but I can't help it. I can't help that every little thing pisses me the fuck off.
This too shall pass... Right?

Anyways, slight cramping... my work pants don't fit and my boobs are getting huge. Great?!  My body feels as if somebody is taking the wheel and I'm in the passenger seat..

In Mommy news, I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I'm feeling like I'm going to continue pursuing nursing (which I started freshman year, second semester) but I don't know if I will have the $$$ when Baby gets here.

Sigh

But I shall pray on it.

My fathers still aren't talking to me.

whatever.


[edit]
I'm craving shrimp... and pickles and water are my best friend.. So if you wanna come pick me up from work and take me out to dinner or late lunch.. SEAFOOD PEOPLE!
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