I got a text message from Barack Obama's campaign today telling me that I could win a dinner with the president at George Clooney's house and the air fare would be covered. It's been irking me for hours.

To clarify, it's not that I don't think the event would be awesome. Clearly, it'd be a heck of a lot of fun and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I mean c'mon, you'd get to hang out with the most influential man on the planet [reminder: we still have hundreds of nukes] and one of Hollywood's finest charmers -- and no, I totally don't care that George is twice my age. His smile still has the power to transform my kneecaps into gelatin. It's that, as much as I would enjoy that little vacation, I don't need it.

In point of fact, I have several things that I do legitimately need -- all of which could be taken care of if they gave me the money that will go into preparing that dinner, flying some lucky bastard into LAX, and paying for all the Secret Service staff shifts and travel expenses. I could buy groceries for the first time in a month. I currently require toilet paper, but cannot buy any until Friday. I could start repaying back my federal student loans, which I've never been able to make a dent in because I simply don't make enough to pay back the sums I had to borrow to get the degree that got me my college-required job. Thinking about it in that way just makes me disgusted that it's such an incredibly wasteful and unnecessary gimmick.

Call me crazy, but I expect better from my president. I know it's a campaign year and it's super tough to get cranky, disenfranchised voters to the polls. The glistening sheen of a historical election has kind of lost a little bit of its luster now and the GOP actually offered up a candidate that isn't completely batshit cray -- but this isn't a freaking game show. I don't want to be the lucky contestant that gets to come on down for a delux dinner with celebrities. I want my politicians to do things that make a positive difference, and this dinner doesn't do that. It's so temporary and pointless, it makes me sad. That expenditure of time and resources could -- and I think should -- be spent on something much more worthy.

Alright, I'll say it. I hate the Twilight series.

Have I read it? No. I read a page -- a single page -- and could not make it through another paragraph because the writing is so catastrophically bad. I'm not anti-first person narration, so that's not the hangup. In fact, I really loved "You Don't Know Me" by David Klass, but I cannot abide starting two sentences in the same paragraph with a conjunction for no readily apparent reason. Commas are not accessories to gussy up an extraordinarily vapid sentence. They have a purpose. Dashes do too. Throwing them about all willy-nilly to try and make your boring heroine seem like she has complex thought by interrupting herself mid-narration is lazy, shitty writing and I honestly cannot believe these books were published in this condition. It's an insult to anyone who earned a passing grade in 8th-grade English.

Beyond that, let's just be totally objective about the story line. It's seriously not OK to be in a relationship with someone who wants to kill you. That is the antithesis of healthy. The fact that teen girls think this is an epic romance and are mooning (see what I did there?) over a homicidal vampire is pretty psychologically disturbing.

Also, from the movie I watched and the many excerpts and summaries I've seen, I think Bella Swan is a total bitch. I don't give half a crap about what color of sweater she's wearing or how much time she takes to get her hair "perfectly" straight. Just tell me she's vain -- as if I didn't already know because the entire story is basically her talking about how everyone else reacts to her as if she's something other than a boring teenage girl who is entirely codependent upon relationships to validate her existence. From what I can tell, she's basically a terrible person and it really bothers me that she actively slams completely innocuous teenage girls in her school based merely on physical appearance.

For my part, I fail to see how this saga is anything other than a giant Mary Sue. New girl moves to town and she's clumsy but smart and no one likes her but then the best enigmatic boy in school likes her and then a hot guy who's totally a werewolf likes her too! She's so amazing and special! I get it. Her milkshake brings all the bloodthirsty freaks to the yard, but they're sexy, so it's OK -- and this'll show all of Stephenie Meyer's high school tormentors that she really was exceptional in some way.

Except she's not. She's basically written the worst books in the history of popular literature from a technical, moral and literary standpoint. Preying on the insecurity of girls is always a great way to make a shitton of money, but the ethics of it really bother me. Sure, it's just fiction. Yet, as a writer who believes that fiction helps us explore and learn truths about the human condition, I do think there are problems with writing a series that glorifies a girl putting herself in danger for a pretty face -- even if that girl is stupid, boring, rude, and selfish.

On the bright side, if Stephenie Meyer can convince someone to publish her drivel, I feel a lot more optimistic about getting my novel published.

I am quarantined for the next 24 hours, and it sucks.

I started getting a sore throat on Sunday night, and it just got worse all day yesterday. Due to the ferocity and lack of other symptoms, I had a sneaking suspicion that it was strep. Well, self-diagnosis correct! Confirmed by my doctor this morning. I don't know that I've ever been more displeased about being right before...

Seriously, you guys. The Doc didn't even swab me. She looked at my tonsils, said "Gah!" and then wrote me a prescription.

Right now I just feel like an idiot for not going to the doctor yesterday when I suspected it in the first place. I thought about it, but told myself to just tough it out and see if it was an allergy-related thing that would go away. Now, I've exposed a bunch of people to a really contagious and unpleasant illness and I feel like an ass.

I'm going to feel really awful if M gets sick. I came home from work and he and I hung out, talked, and looked at a bunch of his old pictures while I sipped whiskey. Shut up. Don't judge me. I'm Irish, it's a remedy of my Grandma's, and it friggen worked.

He just texted me and said that I should rest and that he feels fine. Nothing coming on, and that I shouldn't worry about it. I still feel like a tool.

Despite the guiltfest, it was really nice to be able to sit next to and snuggle with someone when I was feeling so crappy. He asked me to stay the night, so I slept over and I slept really well. Until this morning, when I woke up in a cold sweat and decided that I had definitely pushed my luck too far and needed to be in my own bed, if not at the doctor's office.

Ugh. The pills I have make me really nauseous too. Thank goodness I only have to take them once a day instead of your standard antibiotics. I was really worried about taking them though, because I'm allergic to most antibiotics, and drug allergies are nothing to mess with. Especially when you consider how low my blood pressure usually is. I would not pass go, would not collect $200, and would go straight into anaphalactic shock.

I just don't want to fucking sit inside all day, but going out into public would be irresponsible since I'm still contagious until noon tomorrow. So, I guess it's a day of violent films, old school Nintendo and incessant bitching.

NOSEBLEED HATE. OH MY GOD.

Ugh. I've only been awake for 3.5 hours and I'm already exhausted.

It's been a trying time for many people, financially speaking, and it recently came to my attention that I am definitely in the "Shit, I'm Broke" category.

Meg said it best when she said that the simple fact of the matter is that no one making under 2k a month can recover gracefully from a medical emergency. Even though I have benefits, this is certainly true.

Still, it's been emotionally trying. No matter which way I look at it and regardless of the fact that I know I have not been irresponsible with my money in any way, I feel a lot of shame. The people I call to to try to find solutions treat me as though I'm some irresponsible teenager who spent her paycheck on hookers and blow. They are not interested in assisting me and even though I genuinely want to pay them they are entirely inflexible. The system is not built to help the consumer, and this is a problem.

The biggest problem lies with my private student loans, which I am extremely resentful about right now. Not only did I not want them in the first place -- I would have preferred to have gone all federal but my mother insisted on otherwise and even lead me to the company currently giving me all this grief -- but I am not able to qualify for any kind of forbearance or adjust the terms of my loans to lower my payment. This particular lender will also not allow me to consolidate my loans with them to lower my payment. Here's some hard-learned advice:

1. Avoid private student loans at all costs unless you know the company has a range of options for you after you begin repayment. Some things to look for include multiple available forbearance options, the ability to change the length of repayment (10, 25, even 50 years), consolidation options, etc.
   
2. Really, really, really know exactly what you're getting into. If I had read consumer comments about this company when I was 18, I would not have entered into contract with them. This is my fault for being naive and thinking that my mother had done the research and/or would help if I needed it.
   
3. Avoid signing anything that will definitively lock in the repayment period unless you know you will not have problems making the payments. Remember that you don't have a job guarantee after college, and just because there are salary averages in your chosen field, that doesn't mean you're going to get the average.
   
   I didn't know that when I signed the documents I was basically saying that come hell, high water or even unemployment I would have this loan repaid in full in just 9 years. I thought I would be able to adjust it to 50 years if I couldn't find work or lost my job and was wrong, which is my fault.
   
   Still, when I signed I didn't think that 250 a month would be unmanageable, so I went for it. I figured my degree would get me a good-paying job and that $250 would be like pocket change. Not so. It's an 8th of what I make every month, and that does not count my additional federal loans. My monthly student loan payments combined are more than my rent.
   
4. Consolidate your loans if you can. I was skeptical of this, and for awhile I ignored all offers to consolidate from outside companies because I thought they were scams that would raise my interest rate and again, I thought I'd be able to make the payments even though I had now learned the cost of living was higher than my teenage self had anticipated. Now, I'm paying interest on multiple loans instead of just one bundle, which makes each individual payment larger.
   
5. Be aware that private and federal loans apparently cannot be consolidated, which is why it's best to either go with one or the other if possible. In my experience, the federal loans tend to be much more understanding, willing to negotiate, and don't make you feel like an asshat.
   
6. Do not let them talk you into "paying interest only for the first few years while you get yourself established." I looked at a payment schedule, and this is the student-loan equivalent of an adjustable-rate mortgage.
   
7. If you have cosigners, make sure they are actually willing to help pick up your slack if unexpected troubles befall you. Mine aren't, and because of their salaries and their ability to pay, I am disqualified from any kind of assistance even though they are unwilling. This is probably the most frustrating and emotionally taxing thing of all.

I will be alright. I won't overdraft. I will stay afloat, but things are tight. I am not comfortable, and this lack of money makes me feel anxious and caged. Every time I deny an invitation to go out, I feel like I'm being punished. It's like money has slapped me on the wrist, sent me to my room without supper, and is now telling me that I am grounded for two months until I can get my act together.

Despite my desperate urge to be fully independent of my family -- which I am, it breaks my heart to know they don't have my back on this, and one more little crisis will leave me completely up shit creek without a paddle.

Oh don't you worry, baby. I got so much angst I could power China until 2009 comes to town.

Today has been awful. Categorically, terribly, undeniably, incontrovertibly awful. I woke up this morning after really restless sleep, and decided to watch a movie -- which I ended up hating. Took a shower, and got ready to run an errand for my father.

Now, I love my dad but he is such. a. flake. He called me a month ago and asked if I'd be willing to pick up an item from Cabelas for him and bring it down so he wouldn't have to pay shipping and handling. Sure. Fine. Great. EXCEPT HE STILL HASN'T ORDERED IT. He told me that I would be able to just go and pick it up, it would be waiting for me at the customer service desk. So imagine my annoyance when I call him to see if he ordered it and found out that he hadn't yet, couldn't now, and would have to do it tonight.

Mind you, I work until 1:30 a.m. now which means I have to get it before work tomorrow, since I'm leaving early Wednesday morning. This means that the errand will cut into my Kak and kitten time. I am not pleased.

But it doesn't end there! Don't think that I am so fickle as to have a day ruined by a simple inconvenience. Oh, no. It gets much, much worse.

Whilst on the phone with my father, he informs me that a few days ago they got a notice saying my car insurance has been canceled. Canceled. Days ago. This means I have been driving my shiny, new-and-not-yet-paid-for Jetta around in a blizzard for days without insurance.

One would think that sort of notice would merit a phone call. I would have thought that my parents would have made a special effort to let me know. Ha! Ha ha ha ha! WRONG.

So I immediately call the car insurance company. I ask them what the deal is, and they say I just need to pay them. This is confusing, because I bought 6 month's worth of coverage in June. Last time I checked, 6+6=12, and it's still the month of the 12. Whatever. I ask how much it is, and it isn't an obscene amount so I write down the amount and ask why I never received any notification.

Turns out, they had my parents' address on file for me -- which is odd because I distinctly remember telling the woman who helped me set up my policy that I live in Minneapolis and I gave her my information about a zillion times. So the woman asks for my current address, I tell her, and I get a, "Oh, we don't cover out of state. You'll need to find a new provider. Try calling your state's farm bureau. Sorry, bye!"

Excuuuuse me? This company, which has been providing me auto insurance out of state for the past 5 months is suddenly no longer doing so, and is not providing me an explanation? I call back, she checks. "No, we never have." Oh, what a tangled web of lies.

So I call my father, outraged, and explain the conversation. He calls the insurance company, outraged, and demands an explanation. Shortly thereafter, I get a call from the insurance honcho saying, "oh, I meant to give you a recommendation for your area!"

So I call this number he gives me, and no one even pretends to answer the phone. It just rings. And rings. And rings. And rings. In perpetuity. Until, after minutes, I finally get some horseshit message about how they're clearly experiencing a high volume of calls and I will need to try again at a later time.

By this time, I'm already on my laptop looking at auto quotes from other companies because I am pissed with a capital P and ready to PUNCH SOMEONE OUT -- when I check my balance to see what I can afford. I am broke as a joke, turns out, because my paycheck didn't get deposited today like it was supposed to. Goodie!

While I'm trying not to get nauseous over the abysmal sight of my bank account, I get a voicemail notification. Oh the plot, it does thicken.

It's my boss! Asking me if I'm feeling better and whether or not I was going to come in, because it's 3:25 and I was supposed to be in at 3. Joy! I knew the schedule was changing, but I honestly thought I didn't have to be at work until 5. Right about then I was thanking my lucky stars that I wasn't all the way up in Rogers getting some hunting gizmo for my non-communicative father, because that would make me even later for work and today sucks and I WANT TO BREAK THE WORLD.

I need a vacation.

I just need a break from the circuited world for awhile. I'm so sick of the beeping, the buzzing, the fans, the blinking lights. I just want some peace.

The most idyllic thing in the world would be to just sit outside under blankets and watch the snow fall. Smell the frost, and listen to nothing but that soft, crushing silence. Watch my breath make clouds, and look at the moon. What I wouldn't give.

I'm sick of the constant e-mail, the incoming calls and texts. I want actual human interaction. Face to face. What happened to eye-contact and the art of conversation? I want to have ridiculous discussions about trees, travel -- anything. I just want to talk, really talk. No distractions. No TV in the background. No movie underscore.

I want to read a book by the fire with a cup of tea. I want everything to be tactile and tangible, not digital. I want to use my hands for something other than punching keys and buttons.

It doesn't have to last forever. Just for little while. Just long enough to prove that I'm not a slave to this.

I'm going to just get this out before I have to go into public.

Shut up. I don't care that it's your Monday, it's my Thursday and I can almost taste the weekend. The weekend which brings me absolutely no plans and blessed relief from this stupid DTV transition article I'm supposed to be writing but simply haven't gotten around to yet.

Also, shut up about DTV! If you don't know what you're supposed to do by now, I don't even know what to say to you. The commercials telling you to go buy a converter box or a TV from this decade came out months ago. Presumably, if you watch TV enough to care about whether or not you will continue to receive your channels, you would know this by now. What more do you want from me? I don't care if you're procrastinating. I'm not your mother. I'm not going to try to motivate you. I honestly don't give half a shit if you keep watching TV or if you decide to turn it into a decorative fish bowl.

Why so caustic, you may ask? I have what feels like a tumor in my shoulder made out of knotted muscle and it is killing me. It's like a golfball of rage and agony, and it's been there for days. It doesn't matter which way I massage it. It is not going away, and I am to the point where I am tempted to carve it out and eat it just so I can possess it's incredible power.

Also, I haven't been sleeping well. Like, at all. In the past 72 hours I've probably slept 14 hours total, and 7 of those were racked up last night! The best part is that even though I finally got to sleep, I still feel tired! Ha! There really is no rest for the wicked.

And then there's the fact that my mornings, my blissfully lazy mornings before going to work have been filled with errands lately and it's obnoxious. I think I'm discovering that I really don't like doing anything that is actually required. No sir. Anything that would enable me to have a healthy, stable existence is so mundane and unending that it feels like a huge goddamn waste of my time. Grocery shopping? Just gonna have to go again. Laundry? Does it ever end? Prescription refills, pet supplies, paying bills, on and on and on. These small menial tasks are so obnoxious. Being an adult sucks.

I just want to play on my panpipes.

Jesus Christ, today was horrible. Lord, let me count the ways:

1. Bad mood hangover from some of yesterday's "discussions."
   
2. One hour -- maybe -- of sleep.
   
3. Busy, depressing work day. Observe! I wish I was making this stuff up.
   
   1. Baboons burned to death.
      
   2. Teenagers killed in car accidents thanks to drunk drivers.
      
   3. Babies abducted by sex offending grandfathers.
   
   
4. Still can't sleep!

Thank God for booze, s'all I'm sayin'.

This will be therapeutic, I think. I had a colossally bad day at work yesterday which resulted in a tension migraine which therefore further resulted in unsatisfactory sleep. I am now sufficiently cranky.

So! I figured that I should find a way to channel this frustration before going back to work. I tried focusing on the positives, like a) I only have two more days (after this) until my weekend! b) I have a spa appointment tomorrow, and c) I mastered a new crochet stitch!

Didn't take. So instead, I'm going to focus on the negatives and create a list of things that have been pissing me right off lately.

1. Stupid, stupid, stupid people from my hometown writing notes about how it's "unfair" that "only whites can be considered racist", "whites can't be proud of being white", whites are so put upon by all the other groups that insist on separatism in their "black churches" and "Hispanic chamber of commerce", and posting them on facebook.
   
2. Stupid, stupid, stupid people from my hometown saying that it's a good note, and about time someone finally said it. *facepalm*
   
3. The same stupid kids from my hometown -- who are younger than I am -- trying to give me political advice about the upcoming election when they only know what mommy and daddy told them or what they've heard Rush Limbaugh say, and tell me that I don't understand the issues we're facing in the country today. People, I'm a journalist. It is my job to understand and relay in an easily readable form what is going down in the country today.
   
4. People looking at facts and just denying them because it would be inconvenient for them.
   
5. Conservapedia.com: The fact that this exists scares the shit out of me. Go there. Look up Evolution. Oh it's a fun ride.
   
6. This story. It sucked my soul out my nose, felt like a history paper, and took forever. It was extremely frustrating. It is hard to get dirt on any president from a reliable source. Wiki still doesn't count, y'all. Try finding dirt on 10 presidential pardons and then write a 4 page story on it all within 3 days. It's finally done, but I hate it.
   
7. Sarah Palin.
   
8. The complete desensitization of the word "crisis." Everything is a crisis. The economy is in a crisis. Housing is in a crisis. Gas is in a crisis. Your face is in a crisis. Housing is in a slump. Markets fluctuate. Gas is in short supply in the South because of a completely natural weather phenomenon that happens every goddamn year. Crisis? Really?
   
9. The bailout bill. I haven't read all of it yet, but I remain unconvinced that this is entirely necessary. I see us a few years down the line doing an investigation and seeing that this whole thing was planned and bought by lobbyists. Honestly, the only thing the Bush Administration has ever been good at is freaking our shit out -- but note that they never give specifics and then we get angry later. Right now they're doing a good job of scaring us. They keep telling us the sky is going to fall if we don't act NOW, but they have utterly failed to mention how, or when, or why the sky would fall if we don't shove 700 billion into Wall Street.
   
10. 700 Billion. I want someone to explain to me exactly how this sum was reached.
    
11. The fact that people keep hitting my Grandmother with their vehicles while she's riding her bike. She lives in a small town. This has happened way too often. Pay attention. For the record, she has a concussion but is otherwise fine.
    
12. The fact that I missed all of season 2 of Heroes, and have seen one episode from season 3 replayed, and I have no idea what's going on but I really want to.
    
13. I still haven't called or texted Mike. He still hasn't called or texted me, though I know he asked Faith about me. I want to, but I don't and that's stupid! Awesome!
    
14. I want to do things like go horseback riding, go climb rocks, go hike through wilderness... and I feel like I have no one to do them with. Time is also an issue.
    
15. I have 56 hours of PTO, and am absolutely forbidden to take any of it in November! What the hell?!
    
16. I don't have any food in the house.

*Whew* Much better.