Seriously, 6 spam posts a day on basically any public posting is kind of crazy. I have a permanent account that I desperately want to use more, but I will be deterred if every single time I post, I get a deluge of suggestions on medications I should take -- especially ones for enlarging a penis I do not have.

Friend types, is this happening to you? Is there some tricksy privacy setting that'll fix it? I don't want to shut off anonymous commenting altogether because I have friends that do actually use it. :( Tips greatly appreciated.

I got a text message from Barack Obama's campaign today telling me that I could win a dinner with the president at George Clooney's house and the air fare would be covered. It's been irking me for hours.

To clarify, it's not that I don't think the event would be awesome. Clearly, it'd be a heck of a lot of fun and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I mean c'mon, you'd get to hang out with the most influential man on the planet [reminder: we still have hundreds of nukes] and one of Hollywood's finest charmers -- and no, I totally don't care that George is twice my age. His smile still has the power to transform my kneecaps into gelatin. It's that, as much as I would enjoy that little vacation, I don't need it.

In point of fact, I have several things that I do legitimately need -- all of which could be taken care of if they gave me the money that will go into preparing that dinner, flying some lucky bastard into LAX, and paying for all the Secret Service staff shifts and travel expenses. I could buy groceries for the first time in a month. I currently require toilet paper, but cannot buy any until Friday. I could start repaying back my federal student loans, which I've never been able to make a dent in because I simply don't make enough to pay back the sums I had to borrow to get the degree that got me my college-required job. Thinking about it in that way just makes me disgusted that it's such an incredibly wasteful and unnecessary gimmick.

Call me crazy, but I expect better from my president. I know it's a campaign year and it's super tough to get cranky, disenfranchised voters to the polls. The glistening sheen of a historical election has kind of lost a little bit of its luster now and the GOP actually offered up a candidate that isn't completely batshit cray -- but this isn't a freaking game show. I don't want to be the lucky contestant that gets to come on down for a delux dinner with celebrities. I want my politicians to do things that make a positive difference, and this dinner doesn't do that. It's so temporary and pointless, it makes me sad. That expenditure of time and resources could -- and I think should -- be spent on something much more worthy.

I don't even know what to do with you anymore, humankind.

Sometimes I really think I should give myself more credit when it comes to my level of self control. While it's true that I generally am a very impulsive person, my impulses have been telling me to kill and burn for several hours and I have done neither yet. Success!

Tonight is a pivotal moment for me. Up until now, I did not fully align myself with the Occupy Wall Street protests. I sympathized with many of their sentiments and complaints, but I had reservations about the movement because it was and remains very nebulous. There is no specific solution they are fighting for other than general change, and there are vehement disagreements inside the movement about how to achieve that redress of grievances.

Then, after a particularly distressing night of work, I was making my usual rounds of ye old Intarwebs when my Twitter feed started to explode. YouTube videos of tear gas and rubber bullets erupting into a standing crowd started pouring in, along with signs of solidarity from across the country. A blatant violation of our constitutional rights occurred in Oakland, Calif., and President Barack Obama was fundraising just 10 miles away.

Many arguments about how the protestors were warned have already been made, but they are moot. The people pay for the police to protect them, not to use violence against them because a governmental body decided they had enough of peaceable assembly. No matter which side of the fence you are on, the taxpaying people own the streets -- not the city, not the state, not the federal government. In America, law-abiding adults are free to be outside their home at any hour they choose. The First Amendment is very explicit:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

There is no ambiguity here. These people were not rioting. They were standing in a public space with their peers, causing no harm to person or property -- and they were met with violence by the people they pay to protect them because a government of few had a rapid change of opinion and decided it no longer wanted the protestors to be where they were. For weeks, cities and counties have found ways to declare the protestors' actions illegal to try to hamper and dissuade them, but they are not stopping.

For the first time since these demonstrations began, I hope they don't stop. I may join them this weekend, consequences be damned. I have largely used my employment as a journalist as an excuse to stay away from the protests to avoid creating a perception of bias for the company I represent, but I love this job because it serves the people by providing a service that is crucial to the maintenance of freedom. I now believe that our basic freedoms are under assault. The only solution to this is to remind those sitting in our elected offices who they serve. They have gotten away with not having to listen to us for too long.

I think a few fundamental concepts are escaping the majority of those in power right now.

Firstly, a peaceful population is not necessarily a passive population. Just because we have the moral fortitude not to shoot at and burn those with whom we disagree or disapprove of, that doesn't mean mass discontent is any less threatening. Countless moments in history -- even current events like the Arab Spring -- have repeatedly shown that the will of people cannot and should not be suppressed. Especially not by force.

Secondly, the people of this country do not exist to maintain the government and companies within the borders. Both are supposed to serve us. They exist to perform services we, the people, either request or demand -- but we do not need them, and it is getting to the point where we don't want what they're serving us. They must remember that and adapt or perish, because at the end of the day, the Wall Street protestors are fighting for the American Dream. For the chance at life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. With the way this country seems to be going, this movement might be that reverie's last stand.

I can honestly say I have never been more proud of my home state as I have been this week. Citizens who care are taking to the streets to engage their government peacefully and stand up for what they know to be right. Their voices are being heard on a national stage. This is how the system is supposed to work.

Unfortunately, just because that's how it's supposed to work doesn't mean that it is working. This is the most shocking part to me. As an elected official, when your constituents demand something -- like, say, compromise -- you give it to them. The Republicans -- in Wisconsin and the rest of the country -- are patently refusing to do so and hamstringing themselves in the process.

What's both sad and amusing to me is the fact that the only reason the Republicans came back this year was because of the Tea Party, who claim to want government by the people for the people. The Republicans said they would give it to them... but really they're just dishing out the same old serving of Republican way or the highway.

Take the union battle in Wisconsin, for example. This is very clearly not a big, urgent budget battle. Minnesota's deficit is two times bigger than Wisconsins', and our GOP has said this kind of fix isn't going to work and isn't a good idea. If it where super-critical, Walker wouldn't tell the unions -- who offered to accept his cut in pay to retain their bargaining rights -- to shove off and that there will be no compromise.

I'm sorry, but what part of "My shitty plan is the only option you have" doesn't sound like a dictatorship? Does Scott Walker not realize that he works for those people? What about the U.S. Reps. that are quietly passing bills while the vast majority of citizens are out trying to enjoy the weekends the labor unions fought so hard for?

Oh yeah. In case you didn't hear about that, in the wee small hours of the morning, the Republican-controlled U.S. House passed billions in cuts to benefit coal and oil companies while most Americans were either sleeping or drunk. Passing things on a Friday is something you do when you don't want anyone to know about it, and you just hope it goes unnoticed. It's something you do when you want to get away with something that you know the people aren't going to like. It's shady, it's not a open and involved process, and it's not how democracy is supposed to work.

So, what's the silver lining of what is effectively becoming a government hijacking by one party? Well, hopefully -- people will realize that no, these people really don't care about the Americans they serve. They aren't serving their people. They are ignoring their people because they are so convinced of their own initiatives for their own reasons. Can you tell me how abortion is a critical discussion to have right now when most Americans just want jobs? No, you can't -- and neither can they. I hope that -- sooner rather than later -- people will wake up and won't stand for this. They'll fire people like Walker who refuse to do the job they were elected to do, and the American people will start calling bullshit and give tyrants the boot once again.

The depressing part of all of this is that it isn't probably going to change en mass soon. We're just entering a new term, but already the true colors are showing. Closed-door votes. Deliberate attacks on organizations that tend to have Democratic favoring. Of course, the Republicans will tell you it's for a budget, or for families, or for whatever -- but it's not. They're doing it because it's what they want, and they will refuse to compromise even though it's the decent thing to do.

Dear Ova Dramatique,

Oh man, you pulled a jerk move by posting your 75 degree California weather on Facebook with a caption, "Brrrrr, so cold!" to tell your Minnesota friends to "quit bitching" about the weather. I called you out and you unfriended me. I guess you really showed me.

Except not, because it's a tasteless, bitchy thing to do. It's like if I took a picture of my perfectly undamaged house after yours is destroyed in an earthquake and told you to quit whining because you should know earthquakes come with the territory. Or if I took a picture of our docile late summer climate while you're mid-hurricane in Florida and told you to stop complaining about the flood damage because "you should expect that sort of thing and I don't want to hear it."

Honey, believe it or not, I don't make my facebook posts based on what you want to see and hear, and I never, ever will. Hate to break it to you, but you are not the center of the goddamn universe -- and you're being a total hypocrite.

Lest you've forgotten your life before your move to San Diego, you've bitched about it before. Don't begrudge someone else now, because I'm getting really sick of people telling me to quit complaining about the cold weather because I live in Minnesota and should be used to it by now. Here's the thing -- I am used to it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Oh, and the "If you don't like it, move" thing? Totally not feasible for most people right now and that's a supremely insensitive thing to say to someone who currently does not have an income and literally cannot move.

Severe cold is hard to live with. I, for one, have asthma and literally cannot breathe outside when the temperature goes below -30. Beyond that joyous little tidbit, sustained sub-zero temperatures strain furnaces and makes bills skyrocket. Cars don't start and people get in trouble with their bosses. Parents have to scramble to find day care for their kids when -35 temps close schools because it literally is not safe to be outside for more than a few minutes at a time unless you enjoy the sensation of severe frostbite. When it is so cold small mammals freeze solid while standing, I have every right to bitch about the temperature.

God damnit, it is always OK to complain about inclement weather. It's OK up north; it's OK down south. I will never ask someone in Phoenix not to gripe when the temperature gets above 100, they get heat stroke and tires start to melt. I will never tell my friends in Atlanta not to complain when snow shuts down their city and the roads they need to be on are closed. That is a perfectly justifiable thing to complain about.

If you're really going to get your hitch in a giddy-up because people are expressing their totally legitimate concerns about the weather, you're not worth being friends with in my book. It's the fucking weather. Get off your high horse.

Good riddance,

Frigid McGasperson

Ok, so this morning, we woke up after Snowpocalypse v.2.0, brushed off our cars and went to embark on our errands. I had to get gas so that was our first stop, and at that point I noticed that my tire was almost as flat as Kansas, which is -- in fact -- flatter than a pancake.

TEN pounds of pressure. There should be 35. Thankfully, there was free air at the gas station and so I filled up. Once I got the pressure up to about 30, I started hearing this hissing sound, and quickly located bubbles coming from in between the treads. I could see the leak.

Soooo, we decided that I would high-tail it to the dealership to get it checked out/patched/replaced/whatever because a fast leak is a dangerous leak and there ain't no way in hell I'm gonna tempt that sucker to blow out.

I'm still at the dealership, and the mechanic guy -- who is super nice and has a great sense of humor -- came and brought me the culprit.

Behold.


I'm keeping it.

Hey there, Grandpa Douchebag.

You don't look like the kind of guy who understands the function of the coffee shop. I say this because you walked in eating donuts from another establishment, and then plopped your three children directly next to the girl with a laptop who is clearly working on something, instead of occupying one of the totally empty other areas. You then proceeded to make a call on your flip phone and shout into it while standing 2 feet away from me. I don't need to know that you were at the park, or what you're planning for dinner, or when you're going to meet up with whoever it is these children belong to. I also don't need you to feed them soda pop and do nothing while they fight over the newspaper comics.

And you say our generation has no respect or courtesy. That's cute.

Now please, get the hell of here before I have to club one of these blond hellions with my coffee mug.

Regards,

Wrytin Befour Hughgothere

ETA: You're seriously whistling now? Over top of the music? Four people actually just left the coffee shop and cast you angry looks on the way out. You are still oblivious. Get a handle on this, or I will find a way to wound you with my saucer.

Ok, EXPRESS.

I know you're supposed to be all hip and trendy, but the cords "Camel" and "couture" do not belong together. Tan-colored mammals with hairy humps that live in deserts and spit on passerby are never going to become the latest "it" thing. Similarly, the baby-poop brown color that is known as camel cloth will never be the new black, nor should it.

I don't care how "couture" you make it -- which, let's be serious, it's totally not -- a gross color based on an unattractive animal that had to mutate to survive the arid climate it lives in is not the stuff of fashion muses. And on the off chance that some artist actually is inspired by such a subject and decides to make clothes, I'm willing to bet the majority of the female population would want nothing to do with the resulting garments.

I know you're supposed to continually push the envelope and shorten your party dresses, but dial it down a bit.


Sincerely,




Imma Notgonnawearthat


P.S. Oh My God! My eyes!