chiropteras, posts by tag: spring - LiveJournal

I thought maybe listening to old Against Me! would get me back in the "livejournal spirit".

It's not 2003 anymore though.

I've been hankering to dive back into this thing for a while now, but I've been putting it off under the guise of "writer's block"- which is an accurate assessment of my creative endeavors right about now- but Katherine said something really smart the other day, about how the important part of expression is just showing up to the page; and because I don't want to lose my writing arm, and because I feel strongly about the importance of in-depth communication, I figure it's about time to show up, ready or not.

I've got a zine reading at the Trumbullplex tomorrow, which will be the first time I've read Stormbraining publicly. It feels like old hat to me now, simply because of all the time and energy I put into it before its publication; I know those stories front-to-back, and most of them have reached their conclusions... even still, though belated, I feel like the event will be a good thing. Maybe when I feel like I've followed through with it fully, when I've finally gotten comfortable enough with sharing my writing publicly, I'll be able to move onto other projects again. New poetry, new zine, new thoughts and adventures to throw myself into. (It's funny, you'd think after hosting an open mic I'd have loosened up about public speaking... nope.) Trying to be patient. These things take time-- years, sometimes-- and I don't like to wait, but Muses are flighty as hell.
What can ya do.

This season of life is characterized by intuition, or an emotional lead, or whatever you'd like to call it. I spent a good chunk of the last couple years over-analyzing everything to a degree that became distracting and detracted from my ability to empathize and connect with people, and ever since I realized that, I've been running headlong in the opposite direction. Truthfully I think the healthiest thing would be some merging of the two, a middle ground- but I feel like I've never really given my instincts a chance, emotionally or otherwise, and I want to understand what that's like. An experiment of sorts. Reality testing. It's hard to explain, but I feel like playing with extremes is one of the best ways for me to grow and understand things, to challenge my fears and assumptions. It's also sort of a relief not to feel compelled to have an "objective" explanation for everything all the time. I don't know if it's worth noting that this experiment also hasn't bitten me in the ass. Yet.

I feel simultaneously distracted and inspired.

Mostly, though, I've been feeling really positive. The only sense of urgency is to be moving toward the goals I have, and that feels like a healthy sense of urgency. Better to be motivated than self-berating, and I have Springtime to thank for that. Good old fashioned rebirth.