ftmichael, posts by tag: john - LiveJournal

John, your site is back up!!! Don't know if you already know that by the time you read this, but it JUST went back up - a picture that was linked from it on my site wasn't loading, and I just reloaded my page and the pic showed up...so I went to your site to see if it would load, and it did!

Sweetie...this is just while it's fresh in my mind, and I don't have Yahoo mail open right now and I'm about to go to bed (I'm watching the long Harry Potter trailer over and over and over, it's great)...but I want to hear more about the stereo you just bought b/c I want to get one for the living room and you said you only spent a couple hundred bucks on yours, which I can afford if I have to. I'm probably going to get mine at Circuit City, which is where I'm probably getting my car CD player (I'd love to do all this in one day if I can and not have to drive back and forth), but I can certainly look for the same model and so forth. So anyway, what does it do, what does it look like, etc., etc.?

Thanks a million...I love and miss you.

Everyone needs to go here, provided they have QuickTime: http://harrypotter.warnerbros.com/web/dailyprophet/play.jsp?id=trailer2&media=quicktime&speed=300

Reminder: July 31 (Tuesday) is Harry Potter's birthday. Don't ask me how old he'll be...I'd assume it's 15, but it hasn't been four years since the first book was published, so it depends how you're counting.

In other news, I really really like peeing standing up. Really. (Hey John, if you still need a spoon, I'm debating buying a TravelMate and if you want one too, I'll buy a three-pack b/c Josh is probably going to get one. Then we'll split the cost and it'll only be a few bucks per person. Let me know.)

I was listening to Incubus' "I Miss You" b/c I'm a damn idiot. I'm not going to listen to that song again for a very long time. I don't think I ever heard the words properly before, but right now it's really not helping.

Ay, querido...regresa a mi lado...todavía tienes mi corazón, completamente. Te amo con todo mi cuerpo, todo mi corazón, toda mi mente, todo que yo soy. No necesito nada sino que tu corazón. Ya te extraño tanto. Te adoro, te quiero y te necesito. Te mando todo mi amor.

I'm going in circles ... I'll end this post now. Listening to a fun CD so here's hoping it helps a bit. I really really really miss him.

I'm feeling very blah right now and not feeling like writing, which blows goats on a rainy day b/c I finally have some time to sit and write.

I'm going to break when he leaves. He's going tonight, and coming back Tuesday night, and leaving for good on Wednesday. I'm taking Wednesday morning off, and may wind up taking the whole day, but I'm going to tell them that I'll be there for lunch and the afternoon (going to the lake - joy). At least I won't have to go to sing-along. I really want to be with him until the last possible instant. No matter how much it hurts being near him and not being able to do and say all the things I want to, it's going to be so much harder not having him around at all. Now that he really is leaving, I know I was right about that - I'd rather have him here and have to keep some distance than to not even be able to see him or hear his voice. I'm going to go crazy coming home to an empty house and knowing that his car won't be pulling up soon, knowing that he's a million miles away. Maybe I can talk to him briefly on the phone while he's at Lace's, although I don't know what we'd even talk about unless one of us has a funny story to share. I just want to hear his voice. I really am going to go crazy without him. I don't want there to ever be a time when I can't turn around and see him, regardless of what kind of mood either of us is in. Obviously I can't have what I want here, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it - desperately. (Side note to John - I'm not trying to convince you to stay, sweetie. If I thought I could do such a thing, I'd probably be trying pretty hard, but I know that the decision has been made. I'm kind of resigned to my fate...but I still hate that you're going, even though I know it's for the best, in terms of the job if nothing else.)

Note to Abby...I'm so sorry about what happened, dude...but hey, maybe you and she can become friends, and somewhere down the line she'll realize that all she needed was a hot butch like you to show her the True Way, and she'll come to the dark side and be yours forevermore. (Sue me, I'm an optimist. Usually. And don't tell me it isn't a nice thought.)

Eh. I don't even know what else to say. I have bits and pieces of 5 or 10 new poems floating around in my head, largely inspired by GenderCrash and then by hearing John's AMAZING poetry last night, but I don't think they're ready to be written down yet. Besides, I don't really feel like writing, despite this lengthy post. [sigh]

Bloody hell. I better not forget anything before I feel like writing again. I always feel like writing when I don't have paper, privacy, or time. Then when I have any of the three (let alone all of them), I don't feel like writing anymore. And you can't force these things, so I just have to wait and worry that I'll forget. I fucking hate that.

Oh well. End transmission.

I have an annoying song from the music class at SPACE stuck in my head. Joy.

He's going home on Wednesday, after being in the Poconos from Sunday night to Tuesday night. So he's spending tonight in JP and coming back tomorrow morning, leaving Sunday night for the Poconos, coming back late Tuesday night, and I guess on Wednesday morning we'll load up his car and he'll head off to Lace's and then home.

I fucking hate that he's going. In his situation, I'd go too, but that doesn't mean that I like this one bit. I have the third Harry Potter book on reserve at the library (all 18 copies are out, WTF) b/c I was going to read it to him - it's my favorite and his as well. Guess that's out now. (I'm a lot more upset about that than you'd think. I really really wanted to read that to him again.) The SPACE play and cabaret in two weeks - out. I really wanted him to see those. Picking those great wild blackberries that grow near where SPACE is - that's gone too, b/c they won't be ripe for another couple of weeks. We both love blackberries.
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I owe John a public apology, and here it is. I would've done it sooner but LJ has been bitching at me for over an hour, and before that I was running all over the place.

Some of my more recent posts have done something that I very sincerely did not want to do, which is criminalize John (and also, I'm sure, victimize myself more than befits the situation). Let me state publicly that that was NOT my intent and that John is doing all he can to make this better for me while still being true to himself. I appreciate that more than he knows (well, actually, he probably does know, we got this extra-circular communication goin' on...), and I just wanted to say that where it can be read as widely as the posts that caused this trouble in the first place.

No one's said anything to him about the posts in question (and good, too, or I'd be annoyed even if they were trying to stick up for me), but he read them and was hurt and frustrated and angry. And quite frankly, I don't blame him. He has no problem with me doing that kind of ranting, but my posting it in a public forum really bothered him. And again, I don't blame him in the slightest. I'd feel the same way in his situation - about all of it. And I've told him that, and he knows that.

I implore all of you to not judge John harshly, and to not judge our situation in depth b/c you really don't know all of it. No matter how much he and I post about it, no matter how much we tell any of you individually about it, you really don't have the whole story. I hate that I may have put an image of John-as-bad-guy into some of your heads, b/c if there's one thing John would never do, it's hurt me intentionally. He loves me and he's doing all he can. I'm in a world of hurt right now, but that doesn't make it okay to paint him as some sort of villain, even though that really wasn't my intent at all. I completely see how I did that without meaning to, b/c I wasn't making enough of a conscious effort to not do that b/c I was (and yes, I still am) so hurt and bitter and all of that over this fucking rotten situation. It was my fault entirely and I should've posted it privately and waited a while before posting it publicly, if I ever posted it publicly at all. And I shouldn't have posted it publicly.

I'm going in circles. (I'm rather good at that.) I'll shut up after this next paragraph.

John, I'm very, very sorry about this. I know I've already said that to you - repeatedly - and you're probably sick of hearing it, b/c it doesn't change what I did, but I honestly do feel rotten about that. I've gone back and locked all the entries in question so that only you and I can see them - I don't like setting posts to be completely private if I can absolutely help it, b/c it often doesn't feel like I've gotten anything out if nobody reads it but me. If you really don't want to look at them again and would rather I set them to be completely private, let me know. I love you so very much (I won't say "you have no idea" b/c you have quite a good idea, really) and I'm so sorry I hurt you like that. You've got enough shit on your plate these days. I don't know what else to say...I wish I could take it back. So I guess I'll end this apology here.

So do I go to this party tonight or not? John's going. I worry that I'll be moping around the whole time and won't have any fun and will bring other people (especially John) down. But I can't leave early - John's my ride and I don't want to drive there separately, and he's probably going to spend the night in JP.

Sooooo.....do I go and try to use it as a distraction? Kurt won't be there, which sucks b/c he's a great help to me. I heart Kurt. Or do I stay home and get things taken care of around the house (which I kind of need to do anyway, at least a few things) and try to distract myself that way?

Help! I have till maybe 8:00 tonight to decide.

I have GOT to swallow this boiling hot Ramen noodle soup (chicken, of course) and get back to camp. I'm late.

John broke $3,000 in sales tonight (he sold $880 worth of stuff today alone) and got his promotion! He also won the four knives he's missing from his set, which is a big freaking deal. I am SO fucking proud of him. When they said they were going to buy the set, I could've bust wide open. I can't even begin to describe how proud of him and happy for him I am. These were people who were very much not planning to buy anything, too. I love this boy. He's so amazing at this job, he seriously is. (Have I mentioned how fucking proud of him I am?)

Some days are better than others. Today was better than yesterday. I don't hurt any less, but today was definitely better than yesterday. (I'm going to keep saying things like "I don't hurt any less" even though I told everyone else to let it go and just take that fact for granted, b/c some people don't or they forget or whatever, and I'd rather nip any "how are you feeling now" questions in the bud, you know? Anyway.) John came SO close to selling an Ultimate set, which is their big motherfucker $1,500 set with like every knife they make. The guys we met with (actually, one much more than the other) were really into the Ultimate and sounded ready to buy it, but then they said that they absolutely couldn't afford it. They couldn't even afford a tiny set of two or three knives. They bought a pruner thing for the garden and a pocket knife, and we gave them a free vegetable peeler (I forget if John's posted about the Cutco veggie peeler, but it is the shit). And John got 20 leads (a new record), and they're supposedly rich church-goers from Milton. The names were from a Milton UU church directory, anyway, so there you go. John's psyched about these leads. They damn well better pan out, b/c we need the sales. (I keep saying "we" - it's John's job, I honestly am not making a cent and even though John wants me to get a job with Cutco, I doubt I will b/c I'm far too shy to be any good at person-to-person sales. John is AMAZING at it, as much as he keeps ragging on himself.)

Oh, one thing I've been meaning to post for the better part of a week - on Sunday or Monday or something, we saw the mom of a friend of mine who asked me, "How many times have you had to listen to this?" She asked it in a friendly joking kind of way, b/c I was starting to recite little bits of John's shpiel along with him, which makes us both smile. We told her that I'd been to all his demos (that's still the case, although I'm not going to two of his three tomorrow b/c I'll be at camp), but I had really wanted to say something to her and didn't get to, and now if I sent the message along through my friend to her mom, her mom would probably be like, WTF, b/c she wouldn't even remember. But anyway, what I had wanted to tell her was that I haven't HAD to listen to it at all. I've GOTTEN to listen to it every time. This is a privilege for me. John asked me last night if I was mad about spending my days off going to demos with him, and I told him no and I meant it - I love this. Sometimes I wish I had more time to do nothing or get online and just chill, but the thing I want to do above all else is spend time with him. (Have I mentioned that I'm going to shatter when he leaves?) The only thing that I genuinely don't like is when I get us lost or I panic while giving directions b/c I have to be right, he's about to make the turn, and I get us into trouble and piss us both off. That makes me seriously want to bang my head against the wall, and if I were alone when it happened I'd probably punch myself hard in the head, which I do on occasion (not in a while now though). Got to get anger out somehow. When I was little I'd bite my arm as hard as I could - left bruising for a few days, typically, but I never broke the skin or anything. I just had to do something. I learned early on to bite high up on my arm so my sleeves would hide it, and only once or twice did someone notice. I never got into trouble for it. But I don't do that anymore. (God, there's a tangent. I need to go to bed.)
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John was really upset on Wednesday, missing his camp...that's all he's known for Independence Day for most of his life. He cried a little while we were waiting for the fireworks to start. I was tempted to offer to just go home, but I was a selfish asshole and kept my mouth shut b/c I wanted to see the fireworks so badly. I still feel like a prick about that. But he did enjoy the fireworks, overall. He commented to me during them, "I didn't expect them to be this good." (For a half-hour show, our fireworks fucking rock. Who needs downtown Boston, that's what I say.) And once near the end, I heard him shout "Wow!" That did my heart SO much good, b/c I felt like the fireworks had helped him feel the tiniest bit better about a rather painful day.

Just posting to let everyone know I'm alive, since I haven't posted since Saturday. Been quite busy. I'm very tired right now and not really in a state to go on and on about all that's been going on with SPACE and John and everything. Every time I feel like posting, and really wish I could drop everything and go do it, there's no way I can. Not even to take a pen and paper and write it down for later.

For the record, b/c I know people will ask: No, I'm not okay; no, I don't hurt any less; no, I'm not any less in love with him. Yes, I'll survive; no, I don't know how.

I don't want to be a walking guilt trip to him and I worry a lot about that. I have no idea how he's feeling these days. This job has him on something of an emotional roller coaster - each demo can totally make or break his mood, and mine in turn. I've been to every demo with him so far. Once he starts going to see people I don't know, he'll be going it alone...especially since most of them will be while I'm at camp anyway.

I feel closest to him while we're at these demos and I feel like that's a problem. I know he's all about the job right now, I know how he gets and how he dives into things and completely immerses himself in them when they're new - and I love that about him - but at the same time, I feel really cut off from him a lot of the time. Even when we're rereading Harry Potter together (which is pretty much the only time besides driving to and from demos that we're having time for us), it's different, and I can't kiss him or touch him the way I want to, and sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode from wanting it so much and not being able to do anything about it. But a lot of the time, we're both so busy or tired from making phone call after phone call, and me chasing after the most - er - interesting group of kids I've had to work with yet, and him stressed if he hasn't sold anything in a while, etc., etc....we don't talk. And I feel like we can't, b/c he's got enough stress (he's a little better now that he's sold some stuff though), and he does want to hear about SPACE and so forth - he seriously does, he said so - but he can't right now b/c it's all about this job. I just feel very very far away from him. And none of this is his fault in the slightest. I don't want him to feel guilty and I don't know how to keep him from feeling guilty without lying to him and trying to hide how I feel...which I've already been doing somewhat just in that I've been swallowing just about everything of mine and focusing on him. I want to do that for him...he's my priority, he honestly is. It's just frustrating at the same time b/c I have nowhere to go with my stuff, good and bad. I don't want to dump it on him when he's got enough shit of his own to deal with, but where do I go? (Don't say my therapist - I can't talk to a therapist about stuff. I'm going to stop therapy soon, I think. It's not her, it's just therapy in general - I can't spill my guts to someone who needs all sorts of background, I need to talk to someone who really knows me and knows the people involved and knows what's going on in my life, and can really understand me. Not the way John understands me, but like the way Natasha understands me. Or my brothers. Or others who are really close to me.)

I should probably get back to my E-mail - I've barely read any of it and John's going to get out of the shower in a second and he'll want to read Harry Potter, and I take all the time with him I can get. When he leaves in August I'm going to shatter regardless of anything else. I miss him when I'm at camp during the day, for God's sake. Abby, as much as I know you didn't want him to leave you to come up here, I thank you so much for this time I'm having with him...it means everything to me. And if it makes you feel any better, I'm insanely jealous of how much time you get with him in general, going to school together and all even though you're not living together this year.

Anyway...love you all. Happy Independence Day to the Americans. God bless the United States of Amnesia, where apathy is king. (Not me being in a bad mood...I'm always this cynical about this country.) I'm out.

Tonight, June 21, 7-10 PM, is the voluntary rolling blackout. Turn out all the lights. No TV or computer. I just finished emptying the entire refrigerator so I can unplug it :) There's an article in today's Boston Globe anticipating a noticeable drop in power use.

I don't know what exactly this is for...a friend mentioned it in an E-mail. If anyone knows, feel free to comment. I also am not sure if this is just Boston or is more widespread. But if you know what it's about and/or want to participate, it is in fact tonight. Sorry this is so last-minute - I just got the E-mail.

Oh yeah - I'M IN ATLANTA! I'll be home Tuesday night unless something goes terribly wrong.

I'm going to go to bed early tonight - probably in 3 or 4 hours, depending how tired I am - and get up nice and early tomorrow. I'm not planning to leave for the airport until 11:00, but I like to know that I'll have plenty of time beforehand to do all sorts of last-minute stuff. I'm all packed and ready to go (there's a good FTM slogan) except for my toothbrush and so forth. And I can get online in the morning and check my E-mail and so forth, and play Snood, maybe. hehe. (I'm not bringing my computer this time since I won't be gone all that long.)

Johnboy, I'm going to try to call you at some point in the morning - I imagine it'll be sometime between 8:00 and 10:00 so I'm not running out the door when I call. But as I haven't been able to get through on the phone as of late - I don't know what's going on - you may not hear from me. If I can't get through and I don't see you in AIM, I'll send you an E-mail.

Don't know how much I'll be online once I get there, but I'll try to post whenever I sign on to check my mail. And I'll be home Tuesday night with John in tow. (Well, he'll have me in tow, really, since it's his car.) Yay!

I feel very far away from someone right now, and alone in general.

Lace really needs to use his damn away messages if he's going to abandon his computer or ignore IMs, b/c I never know where he is.

Yahoo Messenger won't let me log in. It's bothering me way more than it should, given how I almost never actually use it.

I organized all the images on my Web site like John's doing. Kind of glad to do that.

I'll do laundry and pack tomorrow, and take care of the last-minute stuff I need to do before I fly out on Thursday.

This song... [sigh]

I'd go to bed for a couple of hours, but I'm in a bad mood and I don't really want to go to sleep in a bad mood. Maybe I should though, and get up around midnight and sign back on.

Where the hell is the software?!

I had set aside a bunch of software to bring to Atlanta - the install CDs for Office 2000 and Picture It - so we could install it on John's computer (Abby, if you want the new Picture It, you're welcome to it - don't know if I said that already). It's GONE. It had been sitting either on my bed or on my nightstand...it's probably been gone for days, I haven't thought about it. But now I don't have a fucking clue where it is. It shouldn't have left my room. If my mother came in here and took it, I will fucking launch her into orbit.

On a completely different note, while looking around, I saw something under my bed - and it turned out to be a half-used box of tissues and a pair of John's socks, neatly rolled. I found this highly amusing. John, I have your socks - I'll bring them when I come down. (Just kidding...I'm really going to hold them hostage until you pay for my surgery - bwahaha.)

Have I mentioned lately that I can't stand my mother?

She wanted to get online at 6. I told her I need another hour and then I'll be done for the night ... she yells, "WHY?!" (She's got a cold too and she's kind of hoarse ... God, I wish she'd lose her voice completely.) "You've been online for two days! You need to find something else to do with your time."

For the record, she's been out of town since Friday morning and she works full-time. She doesn't have the foggiest idea what I do all day, and no matter how much I tell her, her attitude doesn't change, so I've stopped telling her things. Chunks of the basement have three layers of gleaming white paint ... windows are remarkably cleaner than they were on last inspection ... etc., etc. And she says, "All you ever do is go online." Bitch bitch bitch. I've told her, "You're gone all day, you have no idea what I do," and she falls into this defensive "I can't help being gone all day, I have to work," like I've accused her of neglecting me. She doesn't seem to understand that I don't want her around (even though I think I told her that at least once), I'm just making a point that she shouldn't be acting like she knows what I'm up to when she's not aware of me at all. Damn her.

"I'm sick of this," she says. Get a goddamn cable modem then, genius, and stop bitching at me. My boyfriend is upset and I'd rather talk to him than go sit and wonder if he's feeling any better because you want to check your e-mail.

That thing was such bullshit. I was convinced that she'd write me back and be like, "You need to fix this, this, this..." But all I got was "Very well-written...grade for the course is an A." This within like 15 minutes of mailing the paper to her, too. I love E-mail.

This changes my semester GPA from 3.67 to 3.75 (for four courses), and my cumulative GPA from 3.64 to 3.68 (for two semesters). Both are equivalent to an A-. HOLY SHIT.

I REALLY wish John were here to share this with me right now. I can't wait to tell him tonight when I talk to him. I should hear from him in five or six hours.

I deserve an ice-cream cone or something...

From The Celluloid Closet by Vito Russo, page 38 (describing a scene in a film):

"Drawing himself up into a sassy sissy position and imitating her hands on hips, he retorts bitchily ..."

Okay, this is a book about gay and lesbian people in the media, and the title of this chapter is "Who's a Sissy?" and it's all about the definition of homosexuality in American film. It's interesting. But ...

"bitchily?"

This book was published (the revised edition, no less) in 1987.

On an unrelated note, I bought two new CDs that John has that I got to like while I was in Atlanta. And I really really really miss him. Hurry home, sweetheart.

Okay, so my paper topic has been completely changed. I just talked to Gail. The paper on radical feminism is being junked - score - and I'm going to write about gays and lesbians in the media instead. I really don't want to do this. But it's write an analytical essay or flunk, so write I shall. I want to do the whole thing this week and get rid of it before I go to Atlanta. I'll hit the library tomorrow and see what I can find. I hate research. [sigh]

I really really really want John right now.

John, I don't know if you'll check LJ before you leave tomorrow, but if you do, I want you to see this. You're more likely to check LJ than to check mail half the time anyway. hehe. Anyhoo...I love you so very much, sweetheart. Have a good trip, feel better, bring drugs and whatever else you may need, take much footage and pictures, etc., etc. All will be well, and when you get home, it'll be almost time for us to be together again. And we'll have pierogies and make coffee and all sorts of good stuff like that. So don't worry, okay? (Side note...I used the headphones today and they kick ASS! Thank you SO much, sweetie.)

I'm too tired to be articulate, and I can never express myself properly on this level anyway, as I say entirely too often. So I'll just say that I love you with all my heart (except a little corner of it that goes to Lace so he'll make me brownies like he promised) and I'll see you soon, even though it's not soon enough...I'm always with you anyway, in a little jam jar on a shelf in your heart. Or something. (Everyone else who reads this is going to think I'm completely insane...)

I guess that's it. I should go to bed or this post will go in circles forever. I love you, John. I'll see you soon. Soon.

Okay...I was bored off my ASS on this plane...it took twice as long to get from Atlanta to Boston as was planned b/c of delays. So I kept my own little flight log and, oddly enough, it came out looking much like a LiveJournal entry written on graph paper. So here 'tis. (For the record, I got home at about 10:00.)

5:32 - Just got up in the air. First there was some sort of paperwork mix-up with a passenger, then at 4:10 they announced weather delays (some storm to the east). 20-30 minutes. Between 4:45 and 5:00 they said, "Okay, we're set, we're 15th in line for departure." 15th in a line of 30, a flight attendant said. In the air at 5:30 - isn't that around the time we were supposed to land in Boston?

Right after we got into the air, there was this disturbing high-pitched whirring/grinding noise - at first I thought it was the PA system, but it seemed to be coming from under the left wing. (I'm near the wings - on the right, but on the aisle.) Maybe if we crash and they find this by the ruptured fuselage, they'll know what happened. The black box and my I'm-so-damn-bored-and-I-want-my-boyfriend journal. Ha.

5:47 - What, aren't we there yet?

I'm eating my almond Hershey bar and now I'm very thirsty.

The plane is jiggling and going bumpety-bump. I'm very glad I took a motion-sickness pill. I hope I don't get sick anyway. My airsickness bag is handy if I need it.

I can't listen to music b/c it all reminds me of John and it'll make me sadder. I almost started to cry right after I had to walk onto the plane and he slipped out of sight. Then I remembered that I had bought a king-size Twix for us to share and I wanted to run back and give him his half, but a flight attendant said there wasn't time, we'd be leaving in ten minutes. We left two hours later. God damn it. He'd probably already left, but still.

Here comes the drink cart. Yippee. I'm going to have Sprite b/c it's John's favorite. Yes, I'm alread that lonesome for him. And it's 6:00 - I hope that means we're ¼ of the way there. If I can't be with John, I want to be as close to him as possible, but I also don't want to be at 30,000 feet. I wanna go home. But I don't want to go home to my annoying control freak mother, I want to go home to my sweet amazing boyfriend. Hang it all. I'll see him in 10 days or so.

The drink cart is very very slow. [sigh]

6:37 - Finally got my Sprite. Much better. We better be halfway there, at least...oy. When I get home I'm gonna call John, shower, and nap until 10:00, then get online and wait for John to get on. I miss him so much already. (The drink cart took over half an hour to do 10 rows - 60 people. Hmph.)

7:00 - Starting descent. Due for some bumps as we go through the clouds. Great.

Frasier is on...I've seen this episode several times so I'm not bothering with the audio. Nathan Lane's in it, but not for maybe 15 more minutes.

7:13 - We should arrive at the gate at about 7:30. I should be home by 9:00. So much for a nap. Oh well.

There's Nathan! Did I call that or what? 14 minutes. He looks cute with a goatee.

Last time I was at Logan Airport, John was with me. The time before that, I was picking him up. I want my John.

Went to Six Flags with John and Abby and Drake today. (Drake is SO damn cute! He loves Abby's dog and he was so funny with her. I'm going to keep him.) The ride lines weren't bad, I had buffalo chicken for lunch and it was all good.

John and Abby are dozing on Abby's bed. We're all kind of lethargic. I don't do rides but they rode the roller coasters and such, and I did have fun. I was with John and that's all I really wanted anyway. But we got tired out anyway, so now we're just chilling.

We watched The Sixth Sense a couple of days ago, I hadn't seen it before - damn, that movie's good. And last night we rented What Women Want - I had heard that it wasn't great, but a couple of points had me laughing harder than I've laughed in a while. Good stuff.

I am homesick, but at the same time I love that I had another week and a half with John. I really don't want to think about leaving him here when I go home. Maybe I can stuff him into my bag and bring him with me. Hmm...I'll have to think on this.

John was AMAZING at Unity Above Hate yesterday. He never ceases to amaze me. He wasn't overjoyed with his own performance - although he wasn't upset over it or anything - and he knows that I'm biased, so I worry that he doesn't listen to me as much when I tell him he was wonderful. But he was. And I'm not anywhere near up to his level musically, but I'm still good with music and if I didn't notice any mistakes, I really really doubt that anyone else there did. And I'm so damn proud of him.

He just called me over to the bed to hug me for a moment. I love that boy.

I'm thirsty. Quite thirsty. Perhaps I'll fetch myself a beverage when I finish this post.

Kind of just laying about right now. Wouldn't think I'd be tired, I didn't go on the rides...Abby's asleep, I think, and John's very quiet and resting. We dropped Drake off at home.

Oh, yeah - John and Drake and I each won a little stuff giraffe - John's and mine are white, Drake got a gay purple one - from the Guess-Your-Age booth. They thought John was 13 - he went first - then Drake went and they thought he was 21 (he's 23), and then I went...they said I was 23! Hehehe. Told them I was 19 and they were like, "well shit." LOL Thought they were on to us. Bwahaha. So yeah, we each scored a giraffe out of the deal. Word.

I'm glad we're spending some time with Abby just b/c I want to get to know her better - I think she rocks. But I'll be glad to get some alone time with John, too, when we get to Tuesday and Abby's back at work. (Tomorrow's Memorial Day, remember? I didn't.)

Ooo, we're going to order a pizza. I forgot about that. Dig it.

I'm a little weird, I think...maybe it's just b/c I'm on the tired side.

Mail.com is still out. Damn it. I'm going to have more than 500 messages easily by now, it's been like two weeks. I'll delete most of it. So send stuff to my AOL address or my Yahoo address.

I miss y'all a LOT. Still don't know how much I'll be around - probably not much - until I get home. Look for me starting on the 7th, but don't hold your breath until then. I love all you guys! (You all know who you are.)

Okey, I guess I'm out for now.

Okay, John, I put up a different picture of you on the Hot Stuff site. I changed it on your promotional poster, too.

Gotta get ready to go to Compass in a minute! Yay!