WTF?!
... Mum again.... Shit but it was all my fault I did it.
It's always my fault crap crap crap! :(
I should have just gone to the Easter Show with her, but I was just so tired and broke and I've been out all week.
I shouldn't have stayed out so late...
Mum said it was ok if I stayed home and she's been so happy lately and even this morning I thought alright she won't mind.
Although I did say I wanted to spend time with her - which is true - I cancelled all my plans this weekend, but.
Then she cries. And 'is pathetic'. And her children 'scare her'. Because she doesn't know what to say to us. And wants to tell us things but they'd make us even more upset and rebellious and cause a rift between.
And I cry in my room and don't know what to say or do.
And then Cameron gets angry at me for making mum upset... Which makes me feel even more like crap. (even though it's because he doesn't do work at school is part of the problem - and he decided not to go to the Easter Show with them either)
Why does she change so quickly?!
Some people don't get it and say I should hang out with my mum more and be her friend.
But she scares me. I don't understand her. And after all the lows and what's she's said to me... I don't trust her when she's on one of her highs.
So today I can 'stay at home and paint or do uni work.'
I have uni break this week, so does Cam. That pissed her off too.
See I don't like painting when someone goes and tells me to. I don't know why. ><
I really want out when she's like this. Far out!
But that just makes things worse when "I put my 'anime' friends over family and reality."
Anyway... Guess I won't be going bike riding with Samar or organising that lunch or going out to Miranda with Claire or going into the city to see Shoe or Birdy or to Will's party afterwards...
Ahaha I have too many things to do. And now I'll get in trouble if I do any of them.
Yesterday was really good though hanging out with Mitch and meeting up with Lauz for a bit. I had so much fun, I guess I deserved balance when I got home. ^^ Sad thing is I believe that?
Mitch has been feeling really sick, so I hope hes alright *worry* He works himself to hard I think sometimes I told him he didn't have to go out with me yesterday... He told me I should hang out with my mum today, he was right but, well, I screwed up again!
In other news, some people have started talking to others again.
And some people are crappy friends. :( Gah I'm sorry!
Today... I Don't KNOW what to do anymore! TT_TT

Oh man my LJ has just turned into the ultimate vent and bitch. ^^
I wish it wasn't, but I do feel better getting it all out somehow.


Work. God awful.
I sold 4 MaltxShitzsu in a row and it seemed never had time to stop between one job or another, and I found myself getting yelled at down the phone because Kelly screwed up again, and as usual someone else is there to take the blame.
Melanie takes total advantage of me, "Lauren... can you do me a favour", replace that with, "Lauren.... can you do something I'm getting paid to do but I'm going to ask you to do it for me because you can't say no because I've been working here 9 years and I'm the boss".

We have Spoodles in, I missed out on our Cavoodles by a day... :( Cavoodles are the cutest! But I love Spoodles too, so that cheered me up a bit - no more Chihuahuax Minie Foxie/Jack Russels! W00t!
The kitten Mew is still there out the back, she's a sweet little thing.

We got in 3 kittens DLH  yesterday when I was on my 10min break and Melanie forgot to mention them to me and forgot about them so an hour or two later I see them out the back in their carrier... -_- "Mel, did you want me to set up a pen for these kittens?", "OH SHIT i forgot about them!" So I did a FAAAAAAVORRRR and put them out the front.
They were so young though... and terrified, and their claws were really REALLY sharp, and I have really REALLY bad sunburn. Gah people got angry at me when I put them in the pen up the front. "OMG They're so scared! >< And young! ><"  Rar rar rar would you rather me keep them in the carrier out the back?! Good gad!

I want to organise a girls meet up, with not too many people, just for fun and a chat. ^^ Because as much as I love group meet ups there's never really a time to just sit down and talk.
Pancakes on the rocks or something. :D Chat, confide, gossip giggle, pancakes, tea, etc etc! <3
So I really want this to go ahead! I think it'll be good!

Last night I sent a text to someone which GAH was kind of about them not really and it could only have been one of the worst texts to send. Anyway I fixed it up sort of, but in the state I'm in at the moment lol I just panicked and probably freaked both parties out with my apologies and explanations and OMG OMG OMG'Ding. Hehe!


Whatever.
Damn I don't know why it makes me so sad to the point where I'm ranting in LJ for long paragraphs at a time.
I really wish I was strong. I used to be, at least I thought I was. I've had problems with my mum and everything else for years... Why can't I handle it anymore?!
I feel so slack, worrying my friends, HEY I'm meant to be the one worrying about YOU! ^^
I just tell them. i'm dealing with it. But I don't know how to. Where do I go from here?!
Maybe I should start by getting off the computer and going on a cleaning rampage.

I collapsed on the train home yesterday, as much as I'd been trying not too all day.
So much... stuff - I can't handle it all anymore.
God, mum just spoke to me... Oh God...
Why can't I deal with this quietly?!
I tried! But yesterday... I don't know...I don't seem to be hiding it too well. A few people asked me if I was ok.... "I'm fine!"
Mum wants me out of the house...
And, I'm worried about alot of my friends. I don't have enough time or energy.
I really hope I don't break down at work, like I have been every couple of hours since Friday night.
I don't know. I don't feel like me anymore...
I had such a good Friday! I felt so GOOD! I shouldn't have stayed out in the city, but I was having so much fun!
Why did she have to say those things?
Ok mum, so I'm a slut and a tease for wearing Lolita? No I won't show Dad, because apparently I've broken his heart too much already and thats why he avoids me. Ok.
Everyone pities you and laughs at you because I'm your daughter? Why thank you!
She's wrong... I kind of know that in my mind....but I believe her. And I'm crushed.
Theres friends I want to tell but never will. I feel like such a sad case. I know my problems aren't that big.
I'm just not strong enough.
Nothing seems to work out for me at the moment.
I don't think I'll ever get a boyfriend at this rate, either way the feelings never mutual.
Fuck it I don't care I'm over it.
I'm happy to go to work. As long as I'm away, it's better than here.

Oh gosh I;ve been in the city all week and here I am again at Town Hall.
A BUNCH OF FREAKING AWESOME AND NOT SO AWESOME STUFF HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST POST but I am seriously too lazy to write it all down.
My mum asked me seriously if I'm taking drugs.... "No." -_- Shes getting a bit better though... I talked to Dad about it.
I think I've reached the stage in my life where I just need to leave sometimes.
However, money is needed muchly for such a thing to happen.
OHEMGEE there are a bunch of weirdos in the city let me tell you xD
Now I'm going to circle key to meet up with Tanya, Prachi, Lauz etc etc FOR PANCAKES on the rocks.
Babysitting tonight (reminds me I need to buy stickers in the icty for them)  ^^ and work tomorrow, so sucks but I can't go to the meet. But might be meeting up with Birdster and Shaz on Sunday then off to my other life in Nelson Bay with the relos. Yay!
Still not eating so much but at least the parents have noticed somethings up... Mum thinks I'm annorexic AND take drugs "Lauren, you really don't need to starve yourslef, your not fat anymore, your a normal weight" -_- Gee thanks mum.
CAM YOUR A JERK!
<3<3<3

YEY!! I can slightly burn eatable cookies ^_^ *beams with joy and presents to you a burnt cookie*
Lauzzies B'day tomorrow so going to see her will be fun! :)
Oh dammnit time teams on :'( BORE BORE BORE. It was okay BEFORE i did archaeology as a subject. Strange that aye?
Found these kitties on LJ by... oh gosh who was it? Er...nekoama!! AWESOME!
They're just so cute! OMG i wanna Riza kitty to maul any intruders we get!!! Or maybe FOXES >.< THAT EAT GUINEA PIGS!!!!

OH good greif here we go again...
THE HOUSE IS CLEAN MUM!
ITS CLEAN!
THE HOUSE IS CLEAN!!!!
ARGH NO DONT DO THAT!!!!
ITS FREAKING CLEAN!!!!
You are spasticus. -_-
<3

I wish I had a Vista. :P
My XP's ok... but...
My internet SUCKS!
WHY WONT THESE STUPID GIF COMPRESSORS WORK?!?!??!!
ARGH!! *TEARS HAIR OUT*

So yeah been having a bit of a creative splurge this weekend much to the dismay of Mummy who keeps asking me if I'm aware of my addiction:
"What addiction would that be mum?"
*Mum looks at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train*
"Computer addiction"
*Me sigh* [hence the dp lol]
So what? Thats the world we live in atm. Computers rule our lives :D

Well labour won the election - I can vote in the Federal election - so that'll be more interesting. Its kind of obvious the sort of people who vote liberal and labour:
80% of VOTES LIBERAL in NORTHSHORE
80% of VOTES ALP in BANKSTOWN
lolish is me.
Anyway I don't like to mention thats sort of shimazz to much - its too er.... for want of a better metaphor, too close to the heart. Meh

In other news....
*trys to think* [coz you know how hard that is]
*TRYS HARDER*
*AM I NOT SPELLING 'TRYS' RIGHT?*

OH!

O
M
G
!
MY MP3 [PLAYER]!
HAS DIED!
Q_Q *Cries heart out*
Rest in peace little buddy.
You were like the friend I always listen to.
<3
I LOVED YOU SO MUCH!!!!!
WHY DIDN'T I TELL YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT ME?????!!!!
*has regrets*

In other news, I am of the opinion that Mac's SUCK! ^_^ That'll be all.
Cachow!

Mum says I spend to much time on the computer.
And apparently discussing something with someone in a calm voice on a topic you disagree on is counted as HAVING AN ARGUMENT WITH YOU [YOU HORRIBLE HORRIBLE DAUGHTER WHO DOES NOTHING AROUND THE HOUSE]
Heres a hairy cat. 'Nuff said.
My neck hurts.

No nothings actually that funny at the moment, I just felt like typing it in.
Gee, since I last wrote in nothing incredible has happened worthy of note.
Me and Ando ( hee hee I know you don't like being called that, I can't help it ;) ) went to the museum on Monday (was it?) and yep it wasn't quite as large or as exciting as I remember it. Perhaps it was because this time I didn't play tag with my brother, run around pressing all the buttons I could, and hiding from my parents. I must test this theory!
But truly! Our parents have NOTHING to complain about! For 2 teenage girls to go into the city deliberately just to see the museum and stop at book store is no common thing.
Wow what rebels.
Our parents don't know how good they have it.
The only predicament is not having a job. Q_Q
Well... technically I DO have one (@ Franklins for Stocktake) but its from 9pm to 3am.... ERRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Stupid slave labor job.
At least I'll have money to go buy DVD's. W00T W00T!
Sometimes I worry at how materialistic I'm getting... I guess its a way of being in control - by having the things you want at the ready in your possession. BAH! I'm not going to go all philosophical/psychiatrist on you. How droll.
OH! On Sunday I went over to Lauzzies in the morning and then we went and met up with Prachi, Neetu, Keebs and Tanya and we had a jolly good picnic!
CRICKET SCORE:
Prachi 17.
....
I cant remember the rest but Prachi won by heaps! Tsk tsk and shes a leftie too :P lol it was so much fun! Reminds me of the really cricket, damn how embarrassing for the POMs. Bye bye English tourists. It was kind of bittersweet seeing everyone again (though some couldn't make it because of *insert reason*). Talking about the different Uni's we're going to and realising its going to be harder and harder to see them and find common ground to talk about things. They're all such lovely people though, so I'm going to try really hard to make an effort to keep in contact with them all.
OK My neck hurts and I'm bored now.
Tah tah <3

"I find his lack of intelligence disturbing."

~ Darth Vader on George Bushes intelligence (or lack thereof)