I might be depressed.

Posting from Soviet Louisiana! (Where the Beeb doesn't exist!)

Today was interesting. I slept almost the entire car ride, literally. I got in the car, situated the pillows and woke up when we were 15 minutes out from campus. That's roughly 4 hours I spent unconscious. Then suddenly I was back where my life is and throwing things in a quad room in Herget because my dorm is not finished with renovations yet (grumble) and it was time to go to training already and my parents were gone.

Sadface.

Training was... interesting. Light, I'm sure, since it's the first day and all, but not too terribly bad. I am sort of rethinking my decision to become an RA, but I can't very well change my mind now, so I'm rather stuck with it. Oh, well. I'll tough it out and enjoy the perks and escape the Res Life program in 9 months. It's not all that much time, anyway. Plus, my co-workers and boss(es) all seem pretty cool. So there's that.

Anyway, post our Domino's dinner, most of the girls turned to the big screen in the lobby to watch the 2 hour finale of So You Think You Can Dance? while I retreated to my room so that I would not make snarky comments the whole time. Turns out I was exhausted, and proceed to pass out for roughly one and a half hours. I woke up, put on pajamas and got right back into bed with O'Halloran.

I'm coming to realize that I seriously require a certain amount of time with the internet per day. Like, I have to spend at least an hour skimming livejournal and checking my various webcomics for updates and perusing pictures and such. No matter how tired I am or how pressing other matters are, I will inevitably 'waste' time on the computer.

ETA: Hey! I stalked ukrazy  to this Ustream of some comic writer I don't know through her twitter and it's awesome. But she went to go do art, so. My roommate can only hear the artist laughing intermittently and so I eventually have to explain what's going on. But she's pretty tech savvy (she uses Skype) so she gets the concept of watching Photoshop editing in real-time. :D

Alright, I really need to get to sleep, we've got to be 'bright eyed and bushy tailed' at 9 o' clock in the morning, and really by 8:30 because that's when we have to meet downstairs. I have a concern that I will not be eating breakfast because I did not know I was having to provide for myself. WHAT.

Was rather uneventful. I'm starting to say my goodbyes, and some are harder than others. I've really gotten into quite the routine here, and it's unsettling to think I'm going to be in Baton Rouge in a week. Fuck. FUCK. I'VE GOT TO PACK. FUCK.

Yeah, realizations keep hitting me like a sack of bricks. That's fun.

So, redbox is addicting as shit, and I'm going to sit down with Push in a minute. I always wanted to see it, and it seems like a bit of a mindfuck, but I think I'll enjoy it anyway.



Besides, Chris Evans is hot. So. I'm going to recline with that momentarily.

Sad news: Charlie is out of tune. I could tell that he was, but I (and probably my tiredness) fucked up the tuning that Julie taught me to get him back to normal and now I can't play on my guitar because it sounds too fucking awful for me to stand it. *frown*

I totally forgot how early early was. I got spoiled by waking up at noon thirty all last week. That 8:30AM Theatre class came up REAL quick.

Luckily, I only have one class tomorrow. Ha ha. I love my Tuesdays. I'll love them MORE when they put House and Bones back on before SVU. (Yeah, so I'm totally already falling for Bones. DAMN IT ALL, I DON'T NEED ANY MORE ADDICTIONS. Brain, don't you have a self-protect feature?)

I went to church yesterday. And for the first time in a long time I felt moved. I wish so much that my mom didn't disagree with the way the church most of my family goes to. I realized that I take a lot of cues from my mother. From book suggestions to the way I think about ... well, anything. I realized on the way home (and by home I mean the dorm) that I don't really respect the way Wheeler (Baptist Avenue Church, yes the one by U of H's stadium) runs things because she doesn't, and she hardly ever went. It was me and dad, and while I respect him for certain things and am totally a daddy's girl, we have a different relationship. (I also don't respect him as a true authority figure in my life, but that's an epiphany for another day.) I don't look to him for intellectual insight (unless I'm actively avoiding mom) like I do mom.

...argh. This is why I like to keep religion firmly pushed into a dark corner of my mind while I wear my cross and swear on Jeezy Creezy. -sigh- Why is it so hard to make a leap of faith? (Because it wouldn't be a leap of faith otherwise. -eyeroll- I answer my own philosophicalrhetorical questions now. And abuse the use of parentheses.)

Anyway. I'll share with you a little snippet (of Bashir, most likely, though there are no names) that I scribbled at three AM last  night because my stupid brain wouldn't shut up, and it won't now until I put something of more substance in this post. (Yes, I scribbled it by flashlight.)

( midnight musingsCollapse )

[ mood | not so bad anymore ]
[ music | Refugee - Tribal Ink // A Beautiful Lie - 30 Seconds to Mars ]

I'm not sure I like it so much, but I like to match my colors of my default icon with my layout. Don't ask why. *shrug* Minor OCD showing through. (Warning, picspam below. Sorry to kill your flist, but they were too pretty to put behind a cut.)

So I'm totally denying the fact that I have to go back to school in two weeks, that Katie and Rachel are going to be leaving Houston in less than that, and that I'll be playing soccer pretty much nonstop from now until forever.

Instead I focus on the beach party I'm going to tomorrow night, getting my books before that this morning, the TPP meeting I'll be rushing back from Galveston for, and playing with my PS2, Gameboy Color and Tamagotchi (yes, I'm that much of a nerd) and watching as much TV as humanly possible. I should also cut back on work. It cuts into my relaxation time.

Side note: successfully managed to thwart mum's nagging and go the entire summer without A) cleaning my room properly, B) sorting through my college info, C) writing ANYTHING for said college stuff, D) get myself into any sort of proper sleeping/eating cycle.

On the upside, Dad's about ready to take me shopping for Chucks, a camera case, a bookcase, wall shelvings and paint for my room. So really, I'm quite excited. I've got money in the bank, I'm getting paid again Wednesday. I'll be seeing all my friends, soccer is going as well as can be expected, I'm resolved to losing weight. I've accomplished a few of the things I set out to do this summer, and all in all it's been great. I don't have any regrets except that I spent one too many days working at the JCC and coming home to crash instead of going out.

These precious moments of summer days and nights are going to be too few and too far gone by the time I realize I've already missed them. I've got soon-to-be-college-freshmen to bid adieu, overalls to make and a school to run. Well, at least from my helm as TPP co-editor. I've done a lot of things, I wish I could've done a lot more, but I don't really regret one single day of food, sun and lazing about, because what else is summer for?

More music, more clothes, more friends, more smiles and more laughs. Fewer tears, less drama, less writing done or books read than I'd've liked.

The summer of 2007 isn't over yet, but it's been good to me so far. I want to go out with a bang.



                              

                                                           

OMFGHA. School today. Evil.

Okay. So APUSH test. On 3 chapters. [I semi forgot there was a test, totally forgot it included chapter 19. Ow. ><;] I was away on a trip this weekend, and my teacher was gone due to living somewhere out there in Katy or somesuch and her loss of power.

I took it. When a bunch of other people who went on the same trip asked Ms. Good and got out of it. What did I do?

Well, let's see. It rhymes with SOMB-er, and looks like TOMB. Which is what I'll be in when I find out I've [insert the word here]-ed it. :sigh: 

So I went around with my AIDSpod and listened to my angry screamo music and pouted in a hoodie. And as of this moment I've still not touched any homework, and I've been home for a good two and a half hours. Ain't procrastination grand? I decided to hate the world the instant I found out I had to go to school today and deal with all the shit that trip caused me.

But I had a great time. Young Life is all Christian and whatnot, and I won't go into the details for fear of getting all these atheists and whatnots in a rage, don't annoy me please. Suffice to say I think I had an 'Oh' moment. [An 'Aha' moment is when you realize your relationship with Him. -No, Liz. Not that him. :smirk:] 'Oh's are close, but no cigars. As far as I'm concerned, I kinda had a metaphor in my head (probably partly inspired by the weather of this weekend in the GPL -Grapeland, Tx):

I am waiting in that cliched downpour outside in the rain, staring up at the dark sky completely soaked waiting for that special sign that tells me everything's allright and that there IS a God and that everything I want to believe in with my religion is true. And when I see someone who's already hit their 'Aha' moment, they walk by with a break in the clouds over their head, sun shining around them. 

But I decided I'm ready to wait in that torrential rain if that's what it takes.

That, and I realized that System of a Down's Chop Suey is kinda religious, 'cause of the last lines, which are derived from JC's last moments on the cross: [Yes, I said JC. Get over it.]

Father into your hands, I commend my spirit
Father into your hands, why have you forsaken me?
In your eyes, forsaken me
In your thoughts, forsaken me
In your heart, forsaken me

Oh, trust in my, self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die
In my self-righteous suicide
I cry when angels deserve to die

That, as well as a lot of other things hit me this weekend.  [I just hope they stay.]

ANYway. On another note. I hate school, mainly because it keeps me from watching as much SVU as I want. [Thanks to them, I'm only on the third disk of SVU season one. :snarl:] But tonight's my night for TV. 

OMFLINEUP:

NCIS
House/Law and Order: Criminal Intent
Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Tuesday nights are my briefest of heavens.

Dickie did good last week. Last five minutes was me in the clouds, floating above the world. But then I get back on LJ and find icons and am reminded that they're only together in my head and my fics. Then, I realize I hate them. 

You'll hate them too. 

Anyway. 

Notes to self: 
~Post fic? Hmm.
~Post QOTD's. :snork: :D
~Do homework? Psshwa. NEVAR! >D
~I forget. :DDD