God damn my tiny hands. My tiny, weak hands. (Actually, mostly just my left one. WHY DO YOU FAIL ME, LEFTY. Although my right one doesn't know what the fuck a strumming pattern is, or how to hold a pick correctly, apparently.) I can't play the F chord. Which, for those of you who don't play guitar, let me explain: lots of chords (of the eight I know) are just holding down different strings in different locations, generally (read: as far as my knowledge goes, which isn't very far) between two and four strings/spots. An F chord involves using the index finger and pressing it against all of the strings simultaneously. While holding down three other strings. All at once. And remember, your thumb does not count. It lies useless behind the neck of the guitar, hiding from responsibility and guilt (because the other fingers are working so hard for the money). So all of your fingers are effectively being used at this point. 

The only saving grace I have from my repeated failed attempts at playing this chord even remotely like what it's supposed to sound like is that I have gained a reaching stretch thanks to the C chord (which tripped me up when I first first started playing, too). Did I mention the F chord stretches over three frets (the spaces on the guitar neck with the little bars = frets)? Yeah. It does. Motherfucker.

F is for fucking sucks. Several people have told me it's why they stopped trying to learn guitar. But Julie has the same size hands I do, and she can play it. She has been playing for years... but. I will do it, damn it. I am so determined because A) I don't want my mother to be right (in that this guitar is just another toy I'll get tired of playing with soon enough, and I've barely been playing 6 months), and B) I can hit it sporadically when I really, really try.

Stupid chord coming out clear and pretty every seventeen tries with a cramp in my hand from stretching and pressing so hard gives me a tiny ray of hope, and I just can't let go of it.

Also, I really like how excited Julie gets when I can play stuff. And I feel accomplished when I can pull out my guitar and play songs people know without sucking to high heaven. (Speaking of heaven, I'm rereading Good Omens so I can write ridiculous crack?AU Glee smut?fic oh God I'd so be going to hell if I wasn't halfway there already because I've nearly forgotten everything that happens.)

So, yeah. Not giving up on guitar. I want to be a rock star. Failing that, a decent guitarist(/bassist, in the future?) that Julie and/or Zach would call in to do backup vocals on their CD(s). Maybe. Someday. I can dream.

Anyway, what this mostly makes me want to do is bust out my brand spankin' new Guitar Hero 5 and kick ass with some new songs. Or go back to Guitar Hero 2 and beast the shit out of the hard and expert songs. But I am A) lazy, and don't want to spend time unpacking and putting everything back where it belongs just yet (even though it annoys me that things are not where they belong/are not tidy and clean*), and B) wary of setting off a chain of events that leaves me on a Guitar Hero kick and playing for hours on end when I should be doing hall work/homework/desk work etc. I get seriously into my GH when I start playing one of the games, hence why it is usually a Christmas gift so I have plenty of time to be an only child and play through on hard/expert for hours on end in one go.

Yeah, I'm one of those annoyingly good people who just sits and plays it all the time so I get really good. Although I'm not doing it so I'm an asshole, I just decided one day that I was tired of playing on Easy and Medium and taught myself how to get good at Hard and Expert and now I am. Not perfectly, though. Most guys who like the game could probably kick my ass, but I'd like to think I'd give them a run for their money.
 

Well, it's a little after midnight. I should probably shut down and get some sleep, because thanks to Lauren being an early riser, my sleep schedule got righted from the fucked-upness it was slipping into about a week ago into normal hours once more. Here's hoping I can keep it up and wake up at a reasonable hour tomorrow morning. I did tell Mindy I would go running with her, and to not let her give her an excuse for me to not join her. Starting slow with two miles.

I can do zis. [/Chekov] Okay. Goodnight.

And I am severely :[ frownyface at the prospect of leaving Houston today. I'm not going to get to say a proper goodbye to my dad because he has to work, and I'm not going to get to cry to myself because I'll be riding with Lauren. Who I had a fight with tonight, because she thinks she's an adult and I don't. We have very differing ideas on what an adult is, and suffice to say she does not fit my criteria, but if she thinks she's an adult it's none of my business.

Gah. Fuck. I guess this was a danger of having her come on Sunday and spend the whole week here. I love her but in large doses... I can't handle most of my friends for days on end.

A brief livejournal critique: there should be a mood for 'upset.' I'm just sayin'. (P.S. Seeing my Ten+Donna moodtheme is reminding me that A) I have yet to watch The End Of Time -which taunts/lures me with it's siren song on my laptop- and B) I will no longer be seeing David Tennant's bright shining face as the Doctor anymore. More sadness.)

Mostly I think it's just me feeling like this break was too short. Although I caught up with a lot of people, I didn't get to see LIz this week. ANd I'm pretty sure I missed seeing Zach one last time (and he was talking shenanigans on Fbook like he wasn't going to be in H-town this summer and that makes me really frownyface) and the RP I was involved in is slowly devolving and it's all very... blah, for me right now. I guess. (Kate, Tina, please do not read any blame/bitterness/what-have-you out of that. I know we're still playing and all that, but an official shut-down for me was simply... ill-timed, I guess. ) 

I chickened out about going to see Grandpa's grave. Which mean I won't until summer, because I'm pretty much spending my entire Spring Break in Boston and not coming home at all until May, after school is out. And that just feels like a really god damn long time. Longer than not getting home from August until Thanksgiving, and that was fucking unbearable.

I'm just dwelling on the fact that I go back to work on Saturday and I have to go through mind-numbing training all fucking over again and I don't want to be an RA anymore. But I committed to a year and I would never quit in the middle of a job (nor would my father let me). So the prospect of going back to a job that is only made better by my co-workers and not the actual work (on top of class) is less than appealing.  Not to mention I feel like I'm drifting from those friends I want to be friends with most and I think this is my winter blues catching up to me again like they do every year.

(Uh, oh. This feels like one of my quasi-cathartic, rambling, ranting, screaming, kicking, crying, winding, ranting posts. I'm going to stop before I get started because I A) don't have time for this and B) it never really makes me feel that much better.) 

I'm tired. And I'm still not quite done packing up for tomorrow. And I really didn't want to be exhausted when I got back to school and that irritatingly persistent notion called reality. But I am.

Goodbye, Houston. Hello, Baton Rouge.

P.S. It's fucking freezing outside (relative to a Southerner's temperament), and I've added another resolution: finish at least one fic per week. I have a hard-drive full of unfinished things, not to mention my *cough*pitofvoles*cough* account that has a few worthwhile fics languishing away. If I want to be a writer, I need to be writing. Even if it is Rachel/Quinn Glee femslash playing in someone else's sandbox. At least it'll be a start (and a start on completing things, which is key).

GAH. I hate work so much sometimes. There was drama today, and it was raining llamas all over the place.

Here's the sitch.

( Warning: Drama Llama Storm Ahead, Proceed Carefully Through Subsequent Rant Flurry.Collapse )

Besides that, the rest of the day went pretty okay, except I'm getting really fucking sick of kids being upset when there are no Lost and Found goggles to borrow while they're there. THEY ARE NOT YOURS. BUY SOME OF YOUR OWN AND FUCK OFF. DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK. Told the drama llama story about four times, and felt better about the whole damn thing with each retelling.

Came home, jumped in the shower and then back in the car with cold Chipotle leftovers to meet my cousin and her kids at the Children's Museum because Thursday nights from 5-8pm are free and there are a couple new exhibits that weren't around in the day when mom and I were frequent visitors. I had a good time, I hadn't seen them since probably Christmas, and they just get bigger all the time. They still like/remember me, which I enjoy. Also, only dealing with three children opposed to the waves I yell at on the daily was refreshing-- except for the crowds of just plain mean kids that were ruining some of the games for the other kids. I wanted to secretly smack them and walk away whistling, but I did not.

Proceeded to come home, watch the pilot re-air of Royal Pains. I like it, but not enough to sit down and watch it every week like I do so religiously with my other shows. Plink around on Charlie during commercials, play through Run and Open Your Eyes at least twice each. Realize a fair bit later in the evening that I can also play Chasing Cars because it's literally 6 notes being repeated the entire time. I have to play along with the song though, otherwise I lose my place/when the changes are in the song. Guess I gotta learn those lyrics too. Talked to Liz for a while. Actually, a short while by our standards. Just sayin'. Tentative plans made for this weekend -- which I have off! Glory be!

In other news: gay superheroes!

Another long day at the J. Blergh. I'm realizing how unfond I am of staggered leaving schedules. I'm also not fond of having only one polo to wear. I have to wash this fucker every morning.

Still haven't washed up yet, I'm almost too tired to do it, but if I don't I'll feel positively disgusting. *sigh* Oh, laziness. How you try to sway the rhythm of my life.

I really need some time off. I'm in desperate need of sleeping in for a few days, not dealing with sunscreen and pool rules and immature guards that I'm having to corral. I want to sit down and write and enjoy my own goddamn pool sitting there abandoned in my backyard. I want to unexpectedly drop by my friends houses. And not at 10:00pm at night. I want to be able to text a friend in the middle of the day and not say, "No, I'm not off work for three more hours." 

At the same time, I want money in my account because I'm a shallow, shallow person who is a material girl in a material world.

Back to the writing font; I miss inspiration. Striking unexpectedly in the form of an image that must be written down immediately, it's too perfect to lose and just a random snippet of something that reminds me why I am an English major getting a degree in teaching that will hopefully transition into Library Science. Like, for fuck's sake, I say I want to be a novelist -- I should be writing a helluva lot more!

Lastly, not being on the internet for extended periods of time (excluding the couple hours I get on at night to peruse my flist/catch up on comics/stalk people's tweets) leads me to not be listening to Pandora so much anymore, which leads me to forget how much I still like Death Cab - even though Zach doesn't respect them musically at all. And he's a music genius. Or major. Y'know, whichever. (Basically, I really highly respect his opinion.)

ALSO: WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY. SERIOUSLY, I CAN'T STOP GIGGLING.

[subject from a song I knew about two months ago that has just become a break out hit for a really clever lyric'd band]

GOD DAMN IT -- sorry. I got spoiled for the character death in the SVU finale that I only just discovered about a week ago TONIGHT AFTER I DIDN'T WATCH THE DAMN EPISODE. I manage to make it through the entire fucking season and then MOM has to go and ruin it for me. (Do I sound like a whiny stereotypical teenager or what?) Grah. *eyeroll, sigh* Whatever. I'm not caught up on those episodes, anyway.

Next opportunity I get, I'm going to take my place on this couch, get some snacks and my lapdesk and watch all the In Plain Sight episodes that I've missed, the Dollhouse season finale that I still haven't watched, and while I'm doing so, be downloading the last few SVUs that I missed.

Note to self: Get back to THIS with your extensive listing of Voyager episodes that you love.

I'm so very tired. This is going to be a crap post.

NAACP Image Awards. Oooh, I forgot how many colored people I love. Halle Berry, I love you, but god DAMN that was a lot of costume changes. Beyonce and Jennifer Hudson sound as great as ever. The rap/thing at the end was totally fail!tastic but it's Stevie Wonder. You can't hate if it's Stevie Wonder. You just file it under WTFery and call it a day. Omar Epps needs to stop wearing his shades indoors, but he still looked hot. ROSARIO DAWSON. Sorry, I thought her dress was amazing. Anyway. That was fun, and I somehow forget how hilarious Tyler Perry is, then his Madea voice busts out in the middle of his 'hosting' and I LMAO.

Then Liz informed me Serenity was on, and the night got even better. Exponentially. That movie makes me absurdly happy.

I got 100 on my online French stuff that was due at midnight tonight-- which of course means I started it tonight.

Oh, finally skipped my first class of this semester. There was just no way I was going to make it through three hours of literature today, so I shafted Brit Lit. Hopefully I didn't miss anything vital/can get the notes from someone come Tuesday.

SHIT. I just remembered my RA application is due tomorrow. And, of course, I haven't started it yet. Fucking hell.

I've realized that once I make it to Thrusday, 6:00pm, I've made it through my week. And really, my week mostly starts Tuesday morning. So I only gotta get through three days. I mean, Mondays are tough, but not as bad as the middle of the week.

Got my two shirts from Questionable Content today, the ones that were going out of print, and they're in the 'girl' cut, not just regular t-shirt.

Also. Guys. I love you. But I'm a bitter cynical lonely person who is in dire need of a physical, meaningful relationship. I do not want to talk to you about your relationships unless you really need me. And you know the difference. I don't want to talk about how stupid boys are. Girls have way more drama than them because they start shit over stupid things boys do. I am, and always will be, here for you if you need to talk to someone about it. But for my sake, please. Don't make an everyday habit of it, don't tell me about the fifteen different boys you've been talking to, don't ask me for advice when I would need to sit through four backstories to understand a simple version of your perspective. Seriously. Just don't. It's going to be hard enough to get through Saturday without being frustrated by hearing about how you fought with a guy over 'random shit' when all I want is a warm body to snuggle with. Christ, je suis solitaire.

Embittered rant over with, I need to go work on my RA app and read some more of Madame Bovary. And figure out what the fuck to do with my hair tomorrow.
Apocalypse Please, Muse

I've been feeling very meh lately. Don't exactly know what's up with that. I mean, in a general sense, I've been feeling like this since Grandpa died, Liz noticed that during winter break. But I dunno what's up, really. I went through a similar phase around this time last year, and I don't think it's the winter blues. I don't know what it is.

Completely off topic, I finally printed out my NaNoWriMo today. 100+ pages of printed 11-pt font and it feels really cool to have a hefty stack of words that actually means something. BUT WHILE I WAS DOWN THERE (in the Print Lab) let me tell you. We tend to have problems with our printer; as in, whenver I need it, it's fucked up beyond all reason. Like, we have a whole new one right now because before Christmas break, some dumbass broke the pull out feed tray for paper. I mean mangled the shit out of that thing. Anyway. I go down there and I can't log on for a few minutes (figure out it was the wrong server I was trying, so my password didn't work) but while I'm struggling to get on, another girl comes in (it had previously been only me). I'm like, "Aw, damn it, I just have to do this one thing and then I'll be done," but she's one of those sorority types (I don't care if I'm being stereotypical, I live in a building full of them, I'm tired of their shit) who wouldn't agree if I politely asked to print my stuff real quick.

So I'm trying to kill time and let her print whatever she's printing and I'm facing the back wall away from her and she's behind me on the comp next to the printer. Now, before I go on, I'll admit that in that quiet room, messing with the printer at all makes loud noises, and it's on those plastic fold out tables, which seem to magnify noise tenfold. But I swear to god... the slamming and yanking I could hear going on behind me was making me cringe. I don't even treat the TPP printer like that, and I curse that POS to Hell and back. She very well could have been the reason the previous printer was fucked up in the first place. I was painfully aware of my nerdiness showing through because my love and respect for technology was SCREAMING at me. I was literally wincing and biting my lip so I wouldn't say, "Be nice to the printer," because THAT certainly would've earned me a WTF look from her and who the hell am I to care about a free printer downstairs? *sigh* Then she takes forever, and continually opens and shuts the thing because she doesn't have enough paper in the damn thing like three times. PUT YOUR WHOLE STACK IN AND THEN TAKE BACK THE EXCESS, IT'S NOT THAT HARD AND IT'S LESS STRESS ON THE PAPER TRAY (WHICH ALREADY GETS A TOUGH ENOUGH WORKOUT AS IT IS). Sorry. It's just that the printer tray is slightly off kilter, so you have to lift it a little so the tray'll slide in. Apparently, the preferred method of niggling the tray into position is to SLAM the fucking thing as hard as you can repeatedly until you shove it into place.

As you can tell, I was quite irked and petted the new thing a little once she was gone. Sorry about that. Anyway.

Watched the Bones and House (last fifteen minutes) that I missed this week, and OMFG BONES JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER. The end of House was kinda nice too, I LOVE YOU JAMES WILSON. GO CONSOLE YOURSELF WITH CUDDY AND/OR HOUSE. IT'LL BE OKAY. THEY LOVE YOU IN THEIR OWN, TWISTED, MESSED UP KIND OF WAYS.

But yeah, that was after class, which went fine. Except OH MY GAWD my Theatre class gets on my nerves, and I mean the students. There was a presentation that took most of class, and the prof had like 15 minutes left and the class literally whines at her, "But it's Friday, can we go?" until she relents, and she relented mostly because none of them have actually read King Lear and could give her the info she wanted/they wouldn't shut up/there were only a dozen or so of us. *sighs* I thought I came to school to become an adult.

Speaking of becoming an adult, I have to do that responsible thing and write a paper this weekend/get caught up with all my reading, preferably tomorrow so I don't have to do much on Sunday. I'm sleeping in both days, but I mean I hope to God I can find the resolve to actually do something homework oriented tomorrow. So I'm gonna see if I can get through some of Madame Bovary tonight, instead of the fun novel Gods Behaving Badly which I'll get to eventually once I finish it.

To finish this post, a couple of quiz results. One of which I got from chozen_rogue, and another from the same site that I couldn't resist.

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Social Nerd   You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around. ^_^
Drama Nerd
Literature Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Anime Nerd
Musician
Science/Math Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

What type of partier are you? Your Result: The Lurker   You like to go out and party, go to bars, concerts, etc - but stay more on the sidelines. You and part of the action, but people have to approach you more than you jumping into the middle of the action. You typically don't get 'hammered', just buzzed enough to come out of your shell and talk to a few people, usually other 'lurkers'. Large groups of people talking at once intimidate you and you tend to drift away from the pack often.
The designated driver
The Socialite
Bar Slut
The rock-star party animal
Hardcore drunk
Bar Social Butterfly
What type of partier are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Good night, and good luck.
Handlebars, The Flobots

Long day. It's not even close to over yet, either. WOO ENGLISH MAJORS. T_____T

Woke up in time to get some breakfast again-- twice this week, aren't you proud?-- then off to Fiction where Dr. Berman talked about Madam Bovary and I had no idea what he was talking about because, oh yeah, I haven't read it yet. It's also very frustrating trying to read along with him when the fucking BOOKSTORE gave me the wrong fucking VERSION of it. *huff* I'm never buying books from the bookstore again, those fuckers. Anyway, it had been too cold to bike to class this morning (34 fucking degrees? Where the fuck am I, the North?!) so I walked to the Union and lo and behold, finally my package has arrived. Except I've got to stand in line reading Tiger Weekly because there's only one woman working at the time.

Now, I don't blame the ladies that work in there; they are very nice, patient and efficient. I blame the fact that I'm sure they can't actually afford to have another person working in there so that one woman isn't trying to deal with a line of fifteen people stretching into the P.O. box rooms. So that takes forever, and I barely have enough time to get back to my dorm, change books and run off to French. Again, French is still pretty cool, except for Marcus messing with me and me totally not being in the mood for it. And as much as I wanted to tell him I was PMSing and he should fuck off with poking me before I didn't get that finger back, I didn't want to blame my irritability on that so I just rolled my eyes and went back to what I was doing. I think I got full marks on my quiz today, too, so that's something.

Theatre was a stimulating as ever. [/sarcasm] I've taken to writing down/illustrating pages in my little diary/notebook thing or completing the Revielle's sudoku puzzles while I answer questions to King Lear because I have my annotated version with me now and I feel so smart. And Friday is supposed to be a presentation, so I'm excited about that, hopefully we won't go over more stuff. What she says is interesting, but it's easy to tune out because she kinda gets repetitive and wanders around with her trains of thought.

Went BACK to the Co-Op with Lauren to get my damn Last Of The Mohicans book, fuck you James Fenimore Cooper, fuck you in your grave. Then I did laundry. But Darienne, you'll say, didn't you just do laundry? Why yes, friend, yes I did. I shall explain why. If you're not interested in hearing my opinions about a woman's time of the month in respect to myself, then skip the next paragraph and go on your merry way.

I don't mind my period. I don't get cramps, it doesn't last for days on ened, I don't spot that often. I have some general tiredness and soreness, but I hardly even get bloated, so I can't complain too much. However, I have two main complaints. 1) I'm irregular as hell. The antithesis to clockwork scheduled women (and birth control? not so much). So after 28 days I'm walking around paranoid with a tampon or pad in my back pocket, which leads me to complaint number two. 2) I ruin too many goddamn clothes. Because of 1 and the traits (or lack thereof, in the case of cramps) above, I'm so unused to it coming around that 2 happens every god damn time. So that laundry I did? Was because I hugely stained my new favorite pair of jeans AND the pair of pants I just happened to be sitting on. I'm actually thankful for that pair of pants becuase it kept my comforter clean and that would've been hell to clean up at fucking half past midnight. (Okay. Rant over, that was basically it).

Took like a two second nap before Steph got back from class, went with her to Walmart (after she went tanning for 10 minutes) to get a case of water and then a gallon jug too, because we weren't sure what would fit in our fridge but it fit, so hooray for that. Her mom's going to buy us our main list of groceries this weekend, so that's also awesome. Oh, talked to mom to confirm package delivery and thank her for a check I sorely need now because that Co-Op visit took a massive chunk of change (but I also got Dad's b-day present, so that's something I can check off my To-Do list). Then Steph was gonna go to dinner with her dad and invited me along.

Dude.

Applebee's has this 'Cowboy Burger.' And it is freaking AMAZING. I am usually quite the wimp and don't like to try stuff that doesn't already sound like something I'd like, which is why I end up getting a chicken caesar salad or a traditional hamburger at places where I really ought to try new things, but today I went out on a limb because the Kaziks were ready to order and I wasn't, but I just threw something out there and BOY WAS IT GOOD. Cheddar and Pepper Jack cheese, bacon, barbeque sauce (and I don't even LIKE the sweet kind usually) and an onion ring stack. I proceeded to dress it with a little lettuce and pickle and eat the onion ring separate (along with fries of course) and wash it down with lemonade. Fucking delish. And Mr. Kazik picked it up, so it was free. Great dinner, and now I've got assloads of reading to do for tomorrow and another quiz in French (this is never going to stop happening...) so I'm trying to pull myself away from Teh Internets and it's siren song, as cherryfeather so eloquently puts it. I generally say I need to just fucking stop with the procrastination and O'Halloran needs to quit being so enticing and shit. (You see why I chose Liz's turn of phrase rather than my own.)

My room (or my half of it, at least) looks like a disaster area. I really need to get on this shit. I'll have to do it tomorrow or Friday. Apparently I'm not going out this weekend either because I've got another paper due Tuesday (this time for Brit Lit) and plenty of reading to actually catch up on. In random news, Kiah and I are chatting it up on Facebook now and that makes me happy because we kinda hadn't really talked for whatever reason. Segue from not talking, Amalie texted, emailed and called me today just when I was mentally composing a letter I was going to personally handwrite because I have a lot to say and I don't feel like any of the other aformentioned methods do it any justice. It was nice, but short. Understandably so, but it always is. I just feel like...

It's the small things that make a friendship. You can't call someone you haven't seriously talked to in a month and say, "How's your life?" That's not fair. I mean, I could go on for hours about all my professors or how sick I was for a week straight a few days ago or how lonely a three day weekend is when there's no one to spend it with but your laptop and your television set. It's the little things like trying to explain a 'you had to be there' moment anyway because they'll laugh at the retelling if not for understanding. It's texting a short conversation about someone doing a motion that looked like spirit fingers and proceeding to quote Bring It On at each other for a few more texts. It's in finding a way to talk to your best friend every day because they're your best friend no matter what you've got going on. It's telling them about your day even if it was nothing special because a good friend really does just wanna know what you did from the morning until the moment you called. All the tiny things that build up into what you have in common and your differences and how your friendship builds off of that no matter if you're both zombies for lack of sleep in the past 48 hours. Having a ringtone solely for that person so you always know when its them who's calling, even when they so rarely do you almost forget you have it. And for me, it's about hurting or feeling like something is missing when you don't talk to them for a day or two. For me, it's fighting the urge to buy something because it reminds me of them or I know they'd love it, even though their birthdays aren't for months and we just passed Christmas and it's a no occasion gift but I want to send it anyway.

Life just sucks when you feel like you care more about your friends than they care about you, but you know it's not true. (*wards off hugs* I KNOW IT'S NOT TRUE. I KNOW YOU LOVE ME. GLOMPING SHALL NOT COMMENCE.)

Still, however I feel, it's nice to talk to her and I had good food tonight and only three classes, so excluding homework and being on my period, today was a pretty pleasant day.

Okay, now that I've got that all done and out of the way --and it's nice to have off my chest, that's been stewing for a while, sorry I sort of just vomited all of that onto the page just now-- I've got to get to my readings. I was supposed to turn O'Halloran off an hour ago and Cooper, Norton and Emma Bovary are calling my name.
Little Razor Blade, The Pink Spiders

I decorated my aunt's house tonight for her while she was out shopping. Put together the tree, completely trimmed it, decorated a mantle and wrapped twinkling lights around a wine stand.

In roughly three hours.

I think I kind of rock.

In other news, I slept until 3:00pm today. Considering I didn't go to bed until half past four, though, kind of lessens that impact.

And apparently I need to explain to people how much it hurts when they A) make plans and break them B) don't make plans at all/never call or drop me a text and C) say they miss me and do shit about it for five days when we're both in the same city, or D) dump relationship problems on me when I'm already lonely enough as it is. I understand prior commitments, I understand being busy, I understand that you need someone to talk to and I promise to always be there. What I think some of my friends don't understand is how much it hurts me to talk about relationships when I'm practically pining for one of my own.

I understand that some of my friends are popular and that I do not get to monopolize their time. Fine. Just stop being distracted by whatever is immediately in front of you and remember that I'm here. Otherwise there's no point in wasting money on an airplane ticket that's the equivalent of half my Christmas money.

It just fucking hurts, and I don't know that they know. 

Those of you that are preparing to give me hugs (you know who you are, you usual suspects -looking at you, tikimoof , evrymemry ); you don't do this, it doesn't apply to you, and I don't want comfort. I want those of this that this *does* apply to to stop it.

Just had to get that out. The hurt hurts less when I acknowledge it.

Went to school today, slipped into Newland's, aka newtonsenigma  at lunch and saw that Lara kid, aka paskettios,  aka that horrifically deficient in pigmentation girl. (JK LARA I LOVE YOU) And Other Ann, who talks more now. :D

Then I snuck off to see Ms. Merwin, old photography teacher, had some talks with her which was nice. Then ran into TPP as the bell rang with Li, and proceeded to laugh it up with Joodie, (aka Judy). Saw everyone except that Scott kid, Lindsay and Liz, aka cherryfeather , because she was MIA.

Saw my Jujubee, aka Hyungjoo, Randi-- who proceeded to got into a luaghing coughing fit of plague death upon sighting me, Andrew^2, one of which I nearly chased out of the classroom multiple times (good times, I might add). Saw the newest issue which will probably be waiting for me in the Union post office when I get home; it looked nice.

ukrazy, aka proper Ann, was busy takin' pitchers. Alessia was all OMG WHEN DID YOU GET HERE when I'd been there the entire class period, Ben was an idiot, as per usual... good times, basically.

Man, I'm just name droppin' like a MOFO tonight. Anyway. Walked home from school because Liz wasn't there to kidnap me, and Tess flaked on our afternoon plans. It was cool, but not too cold, and not very long. Just boring, mostly. Came home and watched most of Girl, Interrupted, and can I say I like Angelina Jolie even more now? I didn't much think it was possible, especially as she was being a disturbed sociopath, but still. Good times.

Uh, dad came home with a DODGE FUCKING CHARGER as his rental car-- I shall be stealing it anon. (Yeah, the 'rents went to Beaumont to get his Durango, leaving me transportation-less in all senses today, hence the walking home.)

Finally made it over to Amalie's, where I proceed to be attacked by dogs, hugged and have to retell the ordeal that was my adventure home over dinner. It was like, yeah, and then THIS happened, and then OMG that sucked so bad, etc. etc.

Then.

My friends.

God wanted me to learn Trig for a reason.

Amalie is about to start studying pre-cal, since her final is tomorrow. And MomO tells me I can't stay late unless I'm gonna help her study, which she thinks is a not so much. Well, let me tell you. The stuff she was having the most problems with?




*dramatic pause*




TRIGONOMETRY.

And it's all the easy stuff and I'm like, well if you do this chart and she's all OMFG THIS IS THE CHART OF LIFE and she calls up Devyn her BFF who is awesome and snarky and my twin of Innate Awesomeness like OMG DEVYN... DARIENNE IS LIKE A GODDESS... WITH TRIG IN HER BRAIN and I explain them how to find exact values and simple formulas and things I KNOW HOW TO DO and I basically saved the day. Devyn (on speakerphone) started praising Jesus and giggling madly and was like "I think I just shat my pants" and I just could have been helping them all weekend is the only thing.

Yeah, so I did that for like, three hours. But I was happy to because I was helping, and understood it and stuff.

Finally told her to stop flaking on me. I need to tell some other people too. I understand that I'm going to break promises that I make about being where I'm supposed to be or doing things I said I'd do, and I hate hypocrites, but it upsets me in that it depresses me more than makes me angry.

If you tell me you're going to do something for me, or come see me, or meet me somewhere, or hang out with me, don't flake on me.

It pisses me off, but mostly it makes me feel lonely.

Don't promise something if you're not going to do it. Don't promise you'll call if you're not gonna or you're going to forget or you won't have time. Don't say you'll read something for me and then don't. Don't say lets go see a movie and have me find you've gone and done something else. Just don't.

If you have to break plans, break them. If you had a prior commitment you forgot about, it's not a big deal, just say, "Sorry, but I forgot I was going to do this," and I won't be mad. I'll be happier that you told me you weren't going to do what you said, rather than me having to find out some other way, or a hurried, "Oh yeah, forgot I said that, can't be there, sorry," crap excuse. Then I'd rather you have not made the promise in the first place. This applies to everyone, and I don't mean to say that all of you have done this to me, or that you haven't. I also know I need to apply this to myself more often and hold myself to this standard. If I've done this to you, I'm sorry.

I'm also sorry you had to go through that-- just suddenly had to get it off my chest.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some Voyager to watch since Spike only shows it at midnight now.